Long Form Roleplayers

21:30 Joanna_Louvier: After more than two decades of training and competing in everything from karate, freestyle wrestling, boxing, kickboxing, Muay Thai, BJJ, and MMA, and most recently culminating in a long and grueling 2 month fight camp, the day has finally come… I am ready to ascend to my rightful throne as the first female heavyweight champion of the World Ultimate Combat League.
21:30 Joanna_Louvier: For those who are new to the sport, WUCL is an international MMA promotion that uses an advanced algorithm to match up competitors according to their real world fight data, biometrics, age, years of training, and a variety of other factors… not simply limiting divisions to weight classes, and importantly, not separating competitors by their sex or gender identity.
21:30 Joanna_Louvier: Most of the fighters in the lower divisions are women, but there is a considerable mix of male and female competitors as you go up through the ranks of the traditional “weight classes.” The “Heavyweight” class has very few women, and I am actually coming up from Light Heavyweight to challenge the current reigning champion, Greg the Pet Vet—that’s “pet vet” as in a veterinarian who treats small to medium sized animals, not “pet vet” as in a military veteran who lives in a doghouse. I know your mind went there. I refuse to believe I’m the only one.
21:31 Joanna_Louvier: Since my “normal” fighting weight is 175 lbs, I had to make a concerted effort to put on weight in order to become eligible for this fight. I’m currently weighing in at 184 lbs, standing 6’2”. So why go so far out of my way for this? Sure, I could rest on my laurels and continue to enjoy my immaculate, shining record of 39 wins (32 KO), zero losses, zero draws. But I would rather risk it all in pursuit of reaching greater heights than stay in my comfort zone.
21:31 Joanna_Louvier: I have no illusions that this is going to be easy. Greg is a powerful striker, a tactician, and an absolute beast of a man. He can dole out an excessive amount of punishment if he gets in close, and he can take twice as much. He’s as much of a threat on the ground as he is standing, although I know from watching his fights that he prefers to use his fists. He’s had twelve successful title defenses, and half of his challengers retired after fighting him. He’s been all over interviews talking about how he’s “looking forward to putting down another hopeful up and comer looking to make a name for herself.” He talks like he’s never heard of me, but it’s all bluster. I know he’s smart, and he’s studied my fights too, so I know he’ll be looking to go after my weaknesses, few that they are. I see few paths to victory, and they are narrow, steep, and treacherous. I am going to have to give a flawless performance tonight if I want to stand a chance.
21:32 Joanna_Louvier: If you’re a gambler, you won’t be putting your money on me. It just isn’t the smart thing to do. “I mean, who does this cocky bitch think she is?” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that line echoing through the halls of the WUCL training facilities when people think I’m not around. “She’s trying to make some kind of political statement.” That’s another one of my favorites.
21:32 Joanna_Louvier: No, that’s not it. I mean, not really. Everything is political, and I suppose I am trying to make a statement. But it’s a pretty fundamental one… as old as life itself. “Here I am. I exist. Try and stop me.”
21:33 Joanna_Louvier: I have just finished my pre-fight workout. My muscles are sufficiently warmed up, and I’m feeling limber, alert, and focused. I step into the shower, letting the warm water massage my muscles as I lather up my long, wavy blonde hair and let the shampoo and conditioner stream down over me. Tee tree and eucalyptus. I finish up with a nice exfoliating coconut body wash. I finish up, and step out into the thick fog of water vapor that has flooded the changing room. I wrap myself up in a towel, wrapping another around my hair… sit down at my vanity…
21:33 Joanna_Louvier: I apply a fresh coat of lilac grey semigloss polish to my fingernails and toenails, and an understated, warm, light pink balm to give my lips that extra “pop.” A little glittery lilac eyeshadow, so faint it’s hardly even there, just to give him that little something extra to focus his attention on, just on the off chance that he allows himself to be distracted. Looks good on camera, too. I pluck a few stray hairs from around my eyebrows. I scan my features… I almost start picking them apart, like I used to… seeing those barely visible scars… old battle wounds that only show under the harshest light. My light used to be harsh like that. That’s enough, vanity. I take a few minutes just to meditate and let my nails dry, putting on some relaxing ambient music to calm my nerves.
21:34 Joanna_Louvier: I don my poly-spandex panties, then I slip my dark blue green compression shorts on… a keen eye could spot a slight wedge above my cheeks, in the rear. Damn, Jo… Looking hot at 184. I think, as I check out my ass in the mirror… turning to face it again, still topless, I let my hair down from its towel cocoon, starting to blow it dry. Coach sticks his head in the door, then shrinks back behind the cracked door, embarrassed… “Jo! Hey… are you going to be ready soon? You’re on in 20 minutes…”
21:34 Joanna_Louvier: I act like I didn’t notice… not that I mind. “Yeah, just a couple minutes and I’ll be ready. I finish drying my hair and tie it back in a ponytail, along with my signature purple headband. I slip my green top over my head and give it a good tug to ensure the fit feels right. Next I step into my matching green warrior skirt. “Alright, come on in…” Coach wraps my hands and helps me get my gloves on, and pops my white mouthguard in. I like the plain white ones. The graphic mouthguards always just look like bad teeth to me.
21:35 Joanna_Louvier: I hear the growing roar of the crowd as I get ready to make my entrance. Just two minutes ahead of schedule… as the challenger, I’ll be walking out first… I focus on my breathing… heart rate increasing… stay calm, you can do this… finally, it’s time. I get the signal… walking out to the arena. ”Here I am.”

23:36 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: Honestly, it's always been about the money. And it was true for a long, long time. MMA fighters were NEVER been paid what they're worth.
23:37 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: The top boxers could always get paid multi-millions of dollars per fight, whilst top MMA fighters were earning a mere couple of hundred thousand. It was an imbalance that was, for lack of a better explanation, keeping the top talent out of the octagon. Not many people want to risk life and limb when you could earn more as an accountant.
23:37 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: But then, after the social reforms of the early 2020s, some marketing genius realized the way to bring more eyeballs to the screen, was simpler and far more effective than anyone could have imagined: change the match algorithm, and match people up by their ACTUAL SKILL.
23:38 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: Regardless of who they were or what was between their legs, fighters matched up in a pure meritocracy so that working your way up the ranks MEANT SOMETHING. No longer could you avoid a fight just because your opponent was a few pounds or a few inches different, if the almighty algo said you were a match, you were a match.
23:38 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: Men started fighting women. Bigger fighters against smaller fighters. It was a whole new ballgame. And as a result that pleased every bean counter across the globe, suddenly EVERYBODY started watching MMA. And the dollars POURED in. And you know what happens when dollars pour into an industry? TALENT.
23:39 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: World class talent. Talent to a degree simply never before seen. With millions riding on fights, people from all walks of life started training. Social media was flooded with training videos, businesses started supporting company fight nights instead of boring corporate retreats. And in one of the most fascinating and unpredictable consequences of all, with millions and millions of MMA hopefuls around the globe suddenly thrust onto the mats, even the world CRIME RATE plummeted.
23:39 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: Suddenly the people realized that fighting is HARD. And if you don't HAVE to, it's DANGEROUS. In short, global respect between one human and another shot up to an all time high in history, as nearly everyone was someone else's mat brother or sister somewhere. Rates of depression plummeted, hospitals emptied as global fitness improved. MMA pretty much saved humanity.
23:39 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: Meanwhile, through all of this, was the WUCL. The global organization in charge of ALL THAT MONEY, and arranging fights all over the planet. And the crown jewel, the WUCL World Championship, held in WUCL Stadium in Las Vegas, NV. A brutal event that represents the culmination of everything that the WUCL has built, and the biggest media event worldwide many times over, with literally over two billion viewers expected worldwide.
23:40 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: It's taken everything I've got to stay on the top of this heap. With millions in cash on the line every time I get into the octagon, my "real job" is simply a distraction, a passion. The fights are where I make my big money, allowing me to sponsor the biggest low cost pet medical care initiative on the planet, with thousands of veterinarians worldwide coming together to improve global animal health. It's my pride and joy, and these fights help me get it done. It's why I fight, and it's why I WIN. Plus, knocking people out is fun too, heh.
23:40 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: Only one thing is stopping me from adding another few dozen million to the kitty. One fighter. One fight. One night, then I can take my two weeks in Cabo before training starts all over again. Tonight is that night.
23:40 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: And I'll be real honest, the buzz around this woman is... well it's electric. An amazon, a genius, a savant. Joanna Louvier. A force of nature who has created the greatest industry buzz (beyond mine, of course) that I've ever seen. Simply SMASHING through every opponent she has faced so far, this hot young powerhouse is apparently out for blood, and it's up to me to stop her meteoric rise to stardom and show her how the big dogs play.
23:41 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: And is she EVER hot. Really, with the millions she's raking in with her unofficial title as the "world's sexiest woman" and the highest grossing model on Instagram, it's a wonder she even wants to bother fighting. Why mess up that multi million dollar face? Well, I know why. I've known why since I was a nine year old boy. She fights to feel ALIVE. Believe me, I get it. And if not one more dollar passed through my hands, yeah the organization I founded wouldn't be quite the powerhouse it is, but they'd be fine. I don't HAVE to fight for the money. I HAVE to fight for me. And tonight I HAVE to beat this fighter.
23:41 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: Comparisons of both my physique, and my fighting style, to the GOAT Fedor Emelianenko have been made for years, and I'm not complaining. With the loosening of weight class restrictions, it's in my best interests as a fighter to keep some reserves in the tank. With the fight only minutes away, my pre fight routine is more serenity than destruction. My favorite luxury ever since childhood, a hot shower. Slipping on some skin tight black boxer briefs, I relax with some Jiu Jitsu rolls on the mat for flexibility. A "round" on the heavy bag to get my muscles moving, the fragrance of my favorite body wash and my own body heat filling my nose. I've been at this game a long time, and my routine is down to a science. Clean. Efficient. Just like this fight will be.
23:41 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: It feels almost a shame to pull on my black fight shorts. I'd prefer to fight naked, like a wild animal, if I could. But this is a televised event, and the governing body gets grouchy about nudity in the octagon. Stuck up prudes.
23:42 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: My little entourage always includes a bevy of hot young fight groupies who don't consider themselves fighters, but still love to bask in the fighters's glow, and they literally take classes on how to wrap hands. There's some kind of contest I guess, and after a knock on the door, a stunning but mousy little thing in a Greg the Pet Vet cat branded bikini that barely contains her chest and matching kitten ears walks in to complete her task, wrapping my knurled hands perfectly. I barely notice her, focused on my mental state. Kill or be killed, and it's time to kill again.
23:42 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: She slips on my green and white Top King MMA gloves, and holds out my black mouthguard, a single word written on the side: "RECOIL". A reminder from my first days back when I first learned Krav Maga. She holds it out towards me in her soft, perfectly manicured hands. Tentatively, expectantly. I know what she wants. I turn my cheek and lean in, and she gets her reward. A single kiss, leaving a faint outline of her lips on my skin that I will take with me to the fight. It's a silly thing but it makes the promoters and the fans happy. And it's good TV. I open my mouth and she pops in the mouthguard, and bite down, giving her a lippy grin. Her tasks complete, she blushes, smiles shyly, backs out of the room and holds the door for me without a word. Good girl.
23:42 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: It's time. I get the signal. I walk out, and the crowd ERUPTS. Throwing my hands into the air, basking in the adulation. I've been the champion so long it barely affects me, but still, there is a bit of a smile. I love you all too. Walking through the octagon doors, and there you are. "Wheewww" I can't help but try to whistle, but the mouthguard makes it impossible. Holy fuck. Even I've seen some of your modeling photos on Instagram (what red blooded man hasn't?) but seeing you here in person, only a few feet away. Jesus Christ you're magnificent. It's going to be a real shame to bust you up.

20:31 Joanna_Louvier: The moment has arrived. After making my brief march to the cage, climbing the steps to the elevated octagon and through the cage door, I pause for a moment, taking in the brutal, elegant simplicity of the eight-sided inferno into which I have descended. The stadium lights make it impossible to see the crowd or anything outside of the arena, other than my coach and cornermen, stationed just outside. Hummingbird-sized camera drones hover back and forth, swooping in and out to create an continuous stream of the inside of the octagon for both the 2D and 3D pay-per-view audience. I wonder how many guys are about to have a simulated match with yours truly. Then I remember how little any of that matters right now.
20:32 Joanna_Louvier: I remember what does matter... I take a deep, deep breath and hold it for a few seconds as I focus, tuning out all the light and noise… and I reach into my top from below, removing a small silver band from below my left breast. The band glints brightly under the harsh lights. I turn to the cage wall, away from most of the cameras’ prying eyes, and fasten the choker around my neck. A pattern of alternating right and left boxing gloves wrapping around from one side to another. A gift from someone special. So special, I had to sign an additional stack of paperwork just to get it cleared with the League… just to be sure. Can’t have the ref snatching this up before we get started.
20:34 Joanna_Louvier: I start limbering up, doing some dynamic movements just to get my blood flowing and get my heart rate up to about 150 bpm… side lunges, a little yoga flow, arm circles, some shadowboxing, some squat jumps… then a little alternating bouncing and shadowboxing, throwing in some kicks to get my legs ready to kick ass. Alright, Greg… I’m ready for you…
20:34 Joanna_Louvier: I hear your walkout music starting… it’s that Zoom a Zoom Zoom in Your Boom Boom song… interesting choice. Message received. Either you’re trying to psyche me out, telling me you don’t see me as a serious challenge, or you’re just being really transparent about your intentions with me. Fair enough. It’s no secret that since the Men’s and Women’s divisions merged, no small number of fights have resulted in more than a heated rivalry…
20:35 Joanna_Louvier: As I see you walking to the cage, entering and getting some movement in, I remember how I do like to keep my options open… and you are looking like a very good option. Your reign as the undisputed champion of the WUCL does not seem to have taken much of a toll on you. You’re looking fresher and more fit than ever. A real stud, a hunk, a majestic, righteous king of the ring. You look fucking hot, if I dare say so.
20:36 Joanna_Louvier: And I am digging the beard. Between that, and your body hair, I feel like I’m about to fulfill all my sexy lumberjack fantasies… or maybe you’re more of a beast… a lion, or a bear… in any case, anticipating that ground fighting with you is going to be… cozy. You’ve got your signature lipstick print on your cheek. A real ladykiller, in more ways than one. Of course, I intend to replace the lipstick with a more fitting red mark when we close the distance…
20:36 Joanna_Louvier: I know I look good, too, of course… a bit of an understatement, I guess. At this point in my career, I am well aware of the fact that there isn’t another woman alive with a silhouette quite like mine. Most women who are my height go into modeling or basketball. I got bit by the fighting bug at an early age, and with few obstacles in my way, I did what any other privileged, upper middle class white woman does in my situation: I focused, I busted my ass, I committed, I stayed humble and I fucking excelled in the thing that I am most passionate about. I fucking Leaned In like no one else.
20:37 Joanna_Louvier: I just happened to also be blessed with very appealing features that both complement and contrast with my imposing amazon physique. I tend to have this effect of evoking a healthy dose of awe, admiration, and fear in equal measure when I enter a room. “Who the fuck is she?” You’ll find out. They always do.
20:38 Joanna_Louvier: The thing about the Heavyweight class is, at this level, you are competing amongst giants. Physical and mental giants. Innovators, specialists, genetic freaks. Fighters who probably should be awarded honorary Ph.D.’s for their contributions to the sport. Future governors. At this elevation, there are so many factors at play that could decide this outcome. Everyone’s skillsets are different. Body types as well. You’re powerfully built, and so am I, but I’m a few inches taller than you… noticeably so. You’re going to be trying to get in close and box, while I am going to be using my legs and straight punches to tire you out or take you by surprise. Quite a study in contrasts.
20:38 Joanna_Louvier: I see you checking me out, trying to whistle through that black mouthguard… cute. I return your glance with a little playful eyebrow raise, mouthing a “Mrrreaow,” trusting that your training as a veterinarian will help you to read my lips and interpret my meaning. After all, if you’re looking, I want to give you a show. That way, you’ll never see it coming when I sneak that knockout blow through your guard.
20:39 Joanna_Louvier: We must be getting close to starting… any second now. A fresh sheen of sweat has formed on my skin, and I can sense the eyes of the world are on me. Time to back up all that tough talk. All those interviews. I know I can do this. And as much as you might not want to admit it, I know you know it too. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have prepared so thoroughly for this fight.
20:41 Joanna_Louvier: As much as I am enjoying your flirtatious gestures, I’m here to FIGHT you, and I know you’re here to FIGHT me. After all, if that’s not what we’re both here for, then neither of us has any business stepping foot in the cage. I have no doubts about your motivations. You would do this even if there weren’t millions of dollars on the line. So would I. Fighting is like eating, sleeping or breathing for us. We need it because it reminds us that we’re alive. It’s the apex of being attuned to the here and now. All five senses engaged… maybe six or seven. My CNS is juiced now, burning in anticipation. Let’s get this fire started…
20:42 Joanna_Louvier: The ref calls us to the center, as the announcer describes the parameters of the match… as a title bout, this will be five rounds, five minutes each with a round break in between. A fighter Can win by KO, TKO, submission, or judges’ decision. I’m not going to worry if the judges favor you or me. Just planning to give you the toughest fight of your entire life. Just like all my previous opponents. The ref continues, "…you must defend yourself at all times. I will enforce the agreed rules of this competition, but you are responsible for your own safety. Touch gloves and back to your corners, the fight will begin at the sound of the bell…”
20:45 Joanna_Louvier: As we stand toe to toe, I feel the intensity and anticipation in my body, and in yours. I have to resist my naturally empathic tendencies in this moment. Kindred spirits, at cross purposes… Tragic and beautiful. My eyes looking to lock with yours, my lips curling around my mouthguard in a grin that oozes confidence. My red-gloved hands pushing out to tap your white and green gloves. Trying to project a stoic, determined aura of feminine power and get in your head a bit. This is it. The hunt is on.

22:04 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: My intro song always makes me smile. I play a different song every time I fight, and I try to change it up to whatever happens to be hitting hardest on my playlist the week before. It doesn't really mean anything, it's just a banging tune. And what better to bring me back to my roots, in Krav Maga.
22:05 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: A relatively modern martial art shrouded in more secrecy, lies, deception, manipulation, politics, greed, and deceit, than the WUCL itself, Krav Maga was originally developed by the Israeli military from boxing and wrestling, and has since it's inception constantly evolved, with the organization's stated intention to absorb the very best of every other art on the planet.
22:05 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: It's not just an art, it's a method of knowledge acquisition and application. If a practitioner of Krav Maga meets a move, a situation, a technique in another art that works better than what is taught in Krav Maga, the original technique is thrown out the window in favor of the new one. Muay Thai clinch? Check. Jiu jitsu ground work? Check. Western boxing? Check. Eastern pressure point and joint manipulation? Check.
22:05 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: But what REALLY sets Krav Maga apart from other arts, is the art's focus on AGGRESSION. Strike hard, strike first, and keep striking until the threat is neutralized. That's how you 'win' a fight, is to devastate your opponent with shock and awe before they even know what hit them. And in training? Any obstacles you can think of. Training in a smoke filled room. With strobe lights flashing, music blasting, knives, guns, weapons of all sorts all potentially in the scenario. It's brutal training and few make it through the first level, let alone make it to the fourth.
22:06 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: And that was all BEFORE I started MMA training. So when "Rump Shaker" starts blasting, it doesn't "mean" anything. Except that this is a FIGHT, and fights are ever changing and unpredictable, and your opponent can be anyone and carry any weapon. Lessons I will never forget.
22:06 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: This opponent... happens to be a frickin literal GODDESS. Like something out of a comic book. Insanely hot, insanely strong, insanely talented. I'll be the first to admit, when the WUCL first formed I was a little hesitant about arranging fights based purely on stats and ability, but.. I'm a convert. I've seen some devastating women deliver some devastating performances in this brave new world, and Joanna Louvier's flawless record didn't come from her being pretty. It came from HEART. And of course otherworldly genetics, a badass attitude, and a lifetime of training. I'm under no illusion this fighter will be a pushover.
22:07 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: That said... yeah okay the song is a little silly. And why not? I've been the champion of this league almost since it's inception. It's like that one guy on the team... you know, that one 'old' guy, who was gifted with such talent that even at the end of his career, he's still running circles around the younger players? Yeah that's me. I'm like Tom Brady, coming out of retirement because there's simply nobody who can play the game better. And there's NOBODY who can play this game better than me. If there was? I'd probably call it a day and focus on my global pet health initiative. But there isn't. There isn't a fighter alive who can touch me, and so here I am, another day at the office, here to crush another young hopeful. It's not personal, it's just business.
22:07 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: This particular young savant though... she might be a challenge. And it figures, the hottest woman on the planet wants to knock my block off. And why do I find you so intriguing? Is it because of your flawless record? Your flawless body? No, it's because of your raw, humble passion. As many times as I've seen you utterly demolish one of your opponents (and make no mistake, I've watched those videos over... and over... and over again... heh) I've never seen anything approaching poor sportswomanship. A consummate professional. Probably even has a good heart, under that muscular exterior. I KNOW this will be a technical fight. I KNOW it will be a passionate fight. I KNOW it's not going to a decision. You wouldn't respect anything less than a decisive finish, and I wouldn't either.
22:07 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: My intro music pounds to a close as the announcer runs through his routine. Like the flight attendant on an airplane, I've heard this spiel so many times I could repeat it backwards. I don't even hear it. I just see... you. God damn you're a tall one. Legs for DAYS, holy shit. And they look like they could chop down a full grown redwood. Lots of heavy leverage points. Your punches and kicks will hit harder at distance just because of leverage. Which means I need to stay in tight, whether standing or on the ground. Actually on the ground would be even better, long limbs are a mechanical disadvantage on the ground. Either way I'll stay in close. And you KNOW I'll be trying to stay in close. Which may open up some opportunities at distance.
22:07 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: Alright. Enough calculating. This is the time to go cold. We can get to know each other over drinks after the fight. For now, you are a threat, and you need to be neutralized. With extreme prejudice. Life or death. Go home safe. And regardless of what happens to you, I'm going to be leaving alive.
22:09 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: Standing toe to toe as the speech comes to a close. Looking up into those soulful, determined eyes. The eyes of a warrior, and I know you're leaving it all on the mat. And so will I. A little smile and a wink, as I touch gloves respectfully, in the last show of true respect anyone will see for up to the next 25 minutes or so. Sorry to have to do this to you, gorgeous. Backing away after the touch, waiting for that bell. Note to self: tonight's win is brought to you by Wreckx-N-Effect. I'll try to remember that, but I probably won't. No matter what happens out here though, you, I'll never forget.

19:19 Joanna_Louvier: I return to my corner, bouncing gleefully as my body surges with adrenaline… not out of fear, but out of raw, unbridled excitement and passion. I get to do what I love now… the thing I am best at. I settle into my orthodox stance, my hands up, elbows in close to my ribs, my right hand out in front of my chin at a 45 degree angle… Finally, the bell rings… I bound to the center of the cage, relying on my long legs to carry me there before you can reach it… I intend to claim the center of the cage, and use the strategic position to my advantage, trying to limit your space to move around me.
19:21 Joanna_Louvier: First order of business will be to establish my range as a threat… throwing a lightning fast, fully extended jab to your chin, which I expect you to guard or try to avoid… then a similarly fast but hard front push kick, jumping rear round kick combination (w/my left and right legs, respectively) to really “keep you guessing,” as my walkout song suggested… I should have enough distance to judge the direction of my kicks accurately after the initial jab. It’s a bit of a gamble, as missing with my round kick could leave my right side open… but… no risk, no reward. And I always bet on myself. [J1/15]

01:14 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: The bell rings, and I see that smile on your face. I don't even know if you know you're smiling, but to a fellow warrior it's unmistakable. It's not a smile of derision, it's just pure, unbridled joy. The joy at being alive, at using your body to it's full potential. Socrates said, "It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable." And in this world, within these caged up walls, the same goes for women too. In this world, it's all about finding out what your body is capable of, and testing it against other bodies.
01:14 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: And in this test, you test out your body against mine, and test out your striking distance, with a jab. The most classic of opening strikes, and from a fighter with such obvious natural bodily enhancements as those powerful legs, legs that I'm quite certain can generate enough power to rival the SWAT team's door busting battering ram, starting with an upper body attack can only mean one thing. The fact that your jab is thrown from distance confirms it. Your jab is a distraction. And that tells me all I need to know.
23:21 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: I've seen bigger men than me stand and try to absorb your kicks, only to get lifted off their feet and tossed to the cage walls. No way in hell I'm trying to take that kick full force when it lands if I can help it. So when that jab launches, and lands with a solid THUD on my guard, I know the next thing to do is move IN. I thrust off my rear foot and step in with my left, keep my guard in tight, and follow your fist back in as you recoil, looking to maybe wrap you up in a takedown. Stepping in with my left foot and rotating my hips into you, your knee rising as your front push kick barely brushes against my right hip, knocking me just barely off balance. Whew.
23:21 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: And if that's all that you threw in this opening gambit you would have been in a world of trouble. But that's not all you throw. Your push kick too was just a set up, for your real attack. And when you plant that left and throw your whole body into a leaping roundhouse, your thick, muscular thigh SLAMS into my left shoulder, shoving me to the right. Fuck, I'm glad I wasn't at the end of that. Still, your legs are clearly even stronger than I'd imagined, and I'm forced to stumble to recompose after taking the brunt of your thick thigh. Luckily I'm heavy, and I can take a lot. The best I can manage in response though, is to step in looking to drive a right straight into your thickly muscled abs, at your navel and then square up again, hoping to stay in close. [G1/15]

06:07 Joanna_Louvier: I had no expectations that my first volley of attacks would land perfectly, so I’m not entirely demoralized at the fact that my jab, push kick and jumping roundhouse all fail to land at full extension and full force… you correctly judged that the jab was a setup for the push kick, which was itself a setup for the roundhouse… and you did what you could to reduce each strike’s power, while working toward your goal of getting in close with me… just as any champion would. As you recover your stance from my right leg awkwardly slamming into your left shoulder, I am also recovering mine…
06:24 Joanna_Louvier: As you step in and begin to throw a right straight at my abs without a jab to set up, I read the movement of your shoulders and take the opportunity to circle out to my left, ending up at your 1 or 2 o’clock, trying to make you miss, and hopefully make you pay… keeping my center of gravity strong and trying to use the opening you left in your guard on your right side to send a hard jab to your right eye followed quickly by a right hook to the bridge of your nose or your mouth… trying to get in and out quickly with disorienting strikes and then circling out to my left again to create more distance and force you to keep chasing me, all the while trying to buy my legs some of that sweet, sweet spacetime they need in order to do what they do best. [J2/15]

09:51 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: Landing surprisingly gracefully from that awkwardly landing jumping roundhouse, I keep my left up to guard as I look to step into you with my straight, but instead of squaring up, you slip to your left, and my fist slides right in front of those spectacular abs without making contact. What does make contact, however, is both that jab to my eye, with a SMACK, and your right hook that lands with a THUD on my already downward moving forehead, shuddering down my spine.
10:00 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: Your typically deadly blend of power and grace already fully on display, your continued movement to your left sets you directly square in front of my hips, and I swing my cocked left fist up in an uppercut inside that recoiling right hook to my forehead looking to catch your chin, or at the very least distract you enough if you slip it that I can continue my pursuit with a heavy right cross aimed at your jaw. No way I'm letting you make space if I can help it. [G2/15]

14:57 Joanna_Louvier: I’m pleased to feel the satisfying sensation of my jab making solid contact with your right eye socket, sending a shockwave rippling back through my left arm, followed by the unmistakable feeling of my right hook landing against the solid surface of your forehead… you wanna get in close, suit yourself—WHAP! Almost out of nowhere, your left uppercut finds my lower jaw, not totally flush under it but still making solid contact. I bite down hard as my head snaps back… shit… not good… stumbling back a step and trying to use my spatial awareness to launch a counterattack as I anticipate your right hand coming for me next… I definitely was hoping to keep you from getting in close so early, but part of my fight plan was to acknowledge that this could happen, and to prepare to deal with it if needed…
15:08 Joanna_Louvier: This time, as you move to follow up with a right cross, I weave down low and to my left looking to pass underneath your cross, keeping my right hand up to protect my jawline as I twist counterclockwise, loading a sharp and powerful left hook aimed at your exposed floating rib above your liver, then rotating my torso on my hips and shifting my weight on my left foot, rotating on the ball of my foot as I unload my hook to its intended target… Even though I’m putting a lot of power into the shovel hook, I am almost certain you will be prepared for this, so I’m looking to weave back with my guard up as I change levels and follow up with a right straight to your hopefully exposed chin, and then, if my calculations are correct, a properly distanced rear push kick from my right leg aimed at your core to test those abs and get you outta my grill for a second or two… [J3/15]

15:17 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: There are very few feelings more satisfying to me in a fight than a properly landed uppercut, and though this one was imperfect... well, I still enjoyed it. Probably more than you did. Still, I have to admit, slipping my cross after taking that hit was truly masterful boxing, and a joy to watch. Having such a powerful opponent in the ring with me is a great thrill, having gotten tired of jobbers and wannabes over the years. And even though I pull back my elbow in a recoil and catch some of that hook, it still slams pretty hard in my side with a THUD, forcing a grunt out of me as I wince around it.. "HNNGH".. involuntary auditory proof that all those muscles in your big arms aren't just for show.
15:21 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: Your wind up straight punch WHAPS hard into my left forearm, smacking my glove against my forehead. Another elegant distraction, as you keep my guard high and throw a beautiful push kick into my flexed up abs, "HUFFF" backing me up two steps. Still quite strong, I don't fold over that kick, but the force with which you push me backwards is undeniable. Aaand now we're at distance again. Goddammit. Keeping my guard tight, I move in carefully with a feint jab... then pick up my left knee in a feint push kick... looking to see if I can tease you into making a move. [G3/15]

16:14 Joanna_Louvier: Starting to feel the ache in my jaw and my head as the initial shock begins to wear off, and as my left fist takes a bite out of your elbow on its way to your liver, I feel a slight pain on the first bones of my middle and ring fingers… that impact with the elbow is going to leave some bruising, no thanks to meager padding of my 4 oz glove… but I’m prepared to put my hands through hell tonight if that’s what it takes. My right THUDDs similarly against your left forearm as you expertly maintain a partial guard that prevents me from capitalizing on the body shot… then I feel the sole of my women’s size 12 foot pressing hard against your flexed core, not able to force the wind out of you, but definitely succeeding in pushing you backwards two steps.
16:35 Joanna_Louvier: As soon as I have you at a distance, I transition to a kickboxing stance, keeping my weight on my back foot, bouncing my left foot up and down about an inch off the canvas in front of me, every bounce threatening you with my primary weapons, hoping to keep you in check. I see you shoring up your guard, moving in towards me much more cautiously, and I am guessing your plan is to draw me out and try to counter off my next move… I take a step forward, seeing your weight shift to your front foot as your left hand comes forward, I step to my right on my right foot and bring my left hand across to try a parry down your jab, and I almost throw a counter with my right when I see that left leg come up as I realize your “jab” was a feint… I step back on my right foot to get out of the range of your kick, and I now see the you were feinting the left leg as well…
16:40 Joanna_Louvier: This won’t do… need to do something… this time, I step out to my right again, trying to keep on your outside, to your left, and bring my left leg back, raising my right leg for a switch stance push kick to your left ribs, transitioning me to a southpaw stance mid-attack… trying to just push you around a bit without granting you an opening you can exploit… resetting to orthodox after both feet hopefully return to the canvas again… [J4/15]

16:54 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: I've been doing the math on this fight, and one thing is very clear. Fighting at this kind of distance from anyone with a full five inch height difference is going to put me at a huge reach disadvantage, especially if she's a kicker. If you were a boxer? Or a grappler? Might be a whole different story. But with those thickly muscled legs under your exquisite control, at a distance there frankly ain't shit I can do to get to you unless you let me, or I make some trades to force my way inside. My jab... isn't even close, and you don't fall for it. My kick... couldn't reach you even if I wanted it to, and you don't fall for it. Typically excellent tactics for a distance fighter, why charge in if you don't have to. Swinging those big legs around like you're floating on air, your fancy footwork catches me offguard as I look to block a left, and catch your right on my ribs, pushing some of the air out of my lungs and again, shoving me back. Not painful, just... bothersome.
17:13 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: Maintaining your expert control of the space, you know I want in, I know I want in, and we both know your intention is to stop me at all costs. I also know if I stay out of your range you'll just spend the next three minutes picking me apart. So, let's try something and see what happens. Given your last two reactions, I'll pick the former over the latter. I step in, snap a slightly heavier jab towards you looking to get you parrying again, and then pre-emptively swoop my right arm across my body to the left, bringing my torso to the left with it, continuing that sweep with my right arm down and across my body to the right as I swivel my hips left. Hoping to not just slip the right cross you wound up last time, but also get a defensive arm sweep swinging in case you decide to snap one of those famous push kicks at me. Finishing my attempted entry by taking that sweeping right hand, and if I'm not holding a leg, whipping it into the middle of your face in a hip recruiting right hook. [G4/15]

18:22 Joanna_Louvier: In the ring, I go by the nickname The Huntress, for a couple reasons… First, I suppose, because I have earned a place at the top of the food chain. Second, because I have chosen to take Artemis, the Greek goddess of the hunt as a sort of guardian deity. She represents the kind of balance between humanity and nature that I seek to achieve in my own internal ecology, as well as the world I inhabit. She represents the patient, measured application of force that is necessary for any successful hunt. And that brings me to my third reason, being that I make a point of being patient and keeping cool under pressure, even when facing down a charging beast of a man like you. I know it’s going to take more than a few well placed shots to bring you down, and I need to choose my opportunities wisely.
19:14 Joanna_Louvier: In the last volley, I knew you were trying to draw me out, and I had to rely on my footwork to reshuffle the deck in my favor… now, after that push kick, you’re just a little more frustrated than before, and that’s all I need to get you to come at me on more favorable terms… this time, you’re going for it, and I can see the commitment behind your jab… I’m not fast enough to beat it, but all I need to do is shift back a couple inches on my back foot, making your jab fall just short before shifting my weight onto my left foot, and responding with a stiff jab of my own… however, you move your head as you execute a parry, probably ready for another one of my well-established teeps… due to your defensive maneuver, my jab just grazes the top of your hair, basically missing you entirely… maybe you weren’t expecting me to jab back, but I wasn’t expecting you to move out of the way so fast with that swivel…
19:23 Joanna_Louvier: Seeing your weight now firmly on your lead leg, I hop onto my left foot, pivoting outward on the ball of my foot as I throw a short range low roundhouse kick or “leg” kick to the outside of your thigh, looking to impact just above your left knee with the lowest part of my right shin, almost hooking my right foot behind your thigh… not quite hard enough to hobble you, but hard enough to leave a bruise… and as my leg swings into your thigh, I see your big, powerful right hook arcing right for the center line of my face… SWUPPP!!! The sound of leather impacting leather rings out as your gloved fist collides, thankfully, with my left glove, which I’m holding up to guard against just this kind of attack. If I hadn’t had it up, that hook could have very likely ended the fight then and there… my left hand slams into my left eye and I’m knocked back a step… I go to circle out to my left as I try to recover my stance and guard after almost getting knocked out cold… [J5/15]

19:31 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: Now THAT was a beautiful move, not just shifting back to avoid my jab, but striking out with one of your own. Classic Krav Maga mentality, don't just block or parry, but counter strike at the same time. For just a fleeting moment, I wonder if some of your incredible resume of fight training might have involved a little Krav... and the thought worries me. But only for a split second, as I am the recipient of some dumb luck, my attempted parry of your nonexistent teep causing that jab to miss by the literal hair on my head.
19:45 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: First, the wind up... then the pitch... my big right hand with nothing to stop it winds up, my hips wind up, the potential energy in my hips releases, my arm swings behind, and a fist driven by not just my entire body weight but all the muscle strength I can recruit in my hips simply LAUNCHES at your guard, and in a way... I'm a little glad you had a forearm up to block it. What fun would it be to spend weeks training for this fight if it's over in the first two minutes? What's LESS fun, of course, is getting the first brutal axe swing of that redwood killer in my thigh, and for a moment I feel bad for the redwood. Luckily my adrenaline is too high right now to feel it, but that's definitely going to leave a mark. The important thing is, my leg still works. And your left eye got hit. And you got knocked back. Which means I am free to pursue, and pursue I do. Circling to your left puts you on my right side, with you in full guard and ready with all your weapons at the ready.
19:55 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: Since my left foot is firmly planted, I could choose to square up with you and then attack, but the chance to keep things moving in my direction is too great to pass up the opportunity to throw you off a little more. Launching towards you off my left foot, I stay in what amounts to a southpaw stance mid-air, LAND that left foot in a skip kick with my right knee and shin up and ready to check, feint throwing the kick itself and plant that right foot instead, and launch a right jab at your jaw, crouch inside, and then follow up with a big left uppercut towards your solar plexus as I bring my left foot in looking to square up with you, in close, in an orthodox stance. [G5/15]

20:52 Joanna_Louvier: That right hook of yours is NO JOKE, and my head is still ringing a bit as I reset into a tight orthodox stance, studying your movements as you launch towards me in an acrobatic skip kick setup, raising your right leg… I bring my left leg up to check, anticipating a kick to my ribs or core, but knowing that it’s unlikely you will try to kick me at head level, especially due to my insane height… however, as I bring my leg up, I see you lower your feinted kick, and I see that right shoulder twitch with a heavy right jab coming from southpaw…
20:58 Joanna_Louvier: It’s definitely a fancy and adaptive way to close the distance, and I’d expect no less from the reigning champion, but I have a counter loaded and ready… I *stomp* my left foot out to the outside, weaving down a bit and out to your right with my right shoulder and left hand covering my jaw and chin, while aiming to counter your right jab with a right straight to your chin, looking to shoot my right fist slightly upwards and past your right shoulder to punch “through” your mouth (which if successful will cancel the momentum you need for the left uppercut you intend to follow with)… then, following up with a level changing jumping rear teep kick, bringing my left knee up first to generate momentum and launching up off my right foot, looking to plow that right foot into your upper abs as I land on my left foot… trying to rob you of much needed breath and wear you out so that you’ll have to slow down or drop your guard, sooner or later… [J6/15]

21:25 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: Skipping in towards you with my right knee cocked up and ready to... do nothing, as my intent is to plant it on the ground and throw a jab instead, you execute a FLAWLESS counter, that would have been the envy of any good Kravist, landing your right straight punch FLUSH on the right half of my upper and lower lips, with a mighty SMACK heard literally around the world.. "MMMPH" my face contorting around that 4oz glove as my fist glides harmlessly over your shoulder, tipping my chin down, and obliterating my coordinated uppercut. It's a counter I've used hundreds of times in my career, and you delivered it perfectly.
21:31 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: With all my weight on my right foot when that fist lands on my face, and my left already off the ground, there's simply no way for me to stop my forward momentum. So when you leap off the ground to deliver a heavy right teep, all 190lbs of my body is still stumbling towards you, your kick knocks against my left hip and folds my torso in towards you, and my right shoulder lands in your chest as you're in midair. Stunned by the disorienting power of your fist, and feeling your body against mine, it's all I can do to attempt to bury my right cheek in between your tits and wrap my arms around your back, gripping tight in a clinch, and stumbling WITH you backing you up towards the cage wall. [G6/15]

22:03 Joanna_Louvier: Jackpot! My right straight plows into your mouth with devastating force, and I can feel it reverberating all the way back down to my shoulder as my right fist recoils and your face appears to implode on itself for a moment… As I go to transition to my push kick, I can sense that something’s not quite right… your body isn’t moving in the direction I want it to… no, no, that punch should have sent you back a step, at least… but I’m used to fighting opponents who don’t weigh 190 lbs… and with your full bodyweight careening through the air behind that right jab, my counterpunch, as strong as it is, isn’t able to cancel out that momentum… ufff… my push kick again fails to land as I intended… damn… feeling your right shoulder mash into my left breast… your right cheek in between my breasts now, I feel your hot breath between them, triggering a slightly confusing sensation as your arms locking around mine almost like a bearhug…
22:12 Joanna_Louvier: I flex my well-muscled arms to protect my lungs as your weight carries us back into the cage wall, the glossy black painted chain link grinding into my back… Although this is far from an optimal position for me, I need to start making you uncomfortable as quickly as possible, or I am going to be in a world of trouble very soon… although I’m unable to properly execute a classic Muay Thai knee from this position, I should be able to press your trunk away from me using my right arm, creating just enough space for me to slam my right knee into the left side of your lower abs… you wanna get in close? Be careful what you wish for… [J7/15]

22:22 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: Honestly, it's clear to me, and I'm sure it will be clear to anyone watching this tape in years to come, that the only reason I'm still on my feet at this point in the fight is because I had an Amazon to collapse against. That right straight flat out ROCKED me. Barely able to coordinate my feet, it's only because of years... and years... and years... of rudimentary BJJ clinch training that my arms almost reflexively wrapped themselves around your body. And fuuuuck what a body it is. This is my first 'up close and personal' contact with you, in that flashy little outfit of yours that leaves all your big muscles on display. And with that tiny little 8-pack waist of yours, I can almost wrap my big furry arms around you twice over. And wrap around you I do, as we stumble and CRASH into the cage. Panting, my head spinning, drooling a little on your skin tight green top. You waste no time of course attempting to create some distance between us, as I try to maintain the clinch.
22:47 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: Pushing down on the back of my neck with both hands, you look to control my position and swing your right knee into my left side. "Hunngh.. hufff.." grunting into your chest, a normal human's knee from this angle and position wouldn't have much momentum, but from a 6'2" fighter with THOSE legs? Yeah, they hurt. So I sidle in even closer to your left hip, pressing my bulge up against your skirt, hooking my right foot against your left ankle against the cage wall as a feeler. And I'm not just going to stand here, I'm still going to get in a few licks of my own. Maintaining my grip on your tiny waist with my right arm, pressing into your chest with my head, I start driving left uppercuts into your rock hard abs, starting to chisel away at those incredible muscles, happy to trade my fists for your knees from this leverage point, and feeling every part of your body with every part of mine, to keep you trapped against that wall until I'm damn good and ready to attempt a takedown. [G7/15]

23:31 Joanna_Louvier: I can feel your heavy, sweaty, hairy body lurching into mine, pressing me into the cage wall… starting to feel like a human panini over here… I pull down on your head, trying to pull you closer to my right as I swing my right knee up and wide, into your side… it’s something, but you’re not giving me great targets here… I can feel your bulge against my left thigh… what the… I can’t believe the nerve… you actually got into this cage with me without a groin cup? Remind me to mount those stones of yours above my fireplace once I’m finished with you… “Ughh! Urghh! Unff!” I feel you going on the attack now, sending left uppercuts into my abs as you keep me pressed against the cage… I somehow resist the urge to just ram my left thigh directly into your groin, opting instead to break my hold on your neck and swing a pair of super close right hooks into your left ear, then another two more powerful right hooks into your left ribs, trying to make you wince and create an opening… [J8/15]

23:41 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: In the brave new world of the WUCL, I've ended up in the ring with a surprising number of women over the years. When MMA went mainstream, and a gym popped up on every block, pretty much every fly by night bullshit cardio workout place died and got replaced by a fighting gym. When MMA became all the rage, and training improved to be safer for new members and more exciting for veteran players, women stepped onto the mats EN MASSE. And yeah, I'll admit, I didn't complain when the New Girls showed up to class. But you know what? There's a time and a place for flirting, and there's a time and a place for training, and I'm a professional. I never have dated any women I trained with, just out of principle. And believe you me, many have tried getting into those cupless trunks. But none, and I say this in all honesty, none of them have felt as incredible as the woman I have pressed up against the cage wall now. If it wasn't for those extra five inches you have on me...
23:54 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: Setting aside all that now, to focus on business. Breathing heavily into your chest, you do your best to take my fists digging up into your abs, and return fire with a couple of bothersome hooks to my ear and my ribs, meant to annoy me and force me to break the clinch. Really, I should take you down to the ground and finish this. And the armchair quarterbacks will no doubt debate the merits of what I decide to do next for years. But they're not in the cage with you, and I am. And what I decide to do, now that I've regained my senses, is continue battering your abs, while I release my grip on your back with my right arm, and slip that arm up under your left armpit to your front, to grip your left shoulder and keep my weight on you on the cage wall. Then I push away just slightly with my right forearm on your left shoulder, keeping my head pressed into your chest, just enough to make room to lift a big uppercut up under your chin with my left fist, and then swing a tight right elbow into your left temple. [G8/15]

00:42 Joanna_Louvier: As you continue to press me into the cage wall, I’m trying to consider my options… I can feel a takedown attempt is imminent… should I try to pre-empt it with a guard pull? Can I even pull that off from this position? How much of a chance do I have if it goes to ground? Honestly, I almost can’t believe it’s taken you this long to back me up against the cage. I mean, you’re the heavyweight champion of the world. The fact that I’ve even lasted more than half of the first round with you is pretty incredible. Then I remember something. I remember that I’m the world heavyweight champion. It’s just that I’m the only one who knows that, at this point, and it’s up to me and me alone to show everyone. “Oof… ugh…” god dammit, get off my fucking abs…
01:00 Joanna_Louvier: I feel you shifting your right arm, trying to slip it through my left armpit and pushing on my shoulder… something’s about to happen—move! My brain rushes an urgent message to my limbs, and just as I anticipate the next blow to my abs, I see that big left fist rushing up to meet my chin… WHAP!!! it’s all I can do to just sort of… roll with it, but it’s… unpleasant, to say the least. The fact that you swung it upwards without moving your head from my chest might have taken some of the force out of it… but it’s probably thanks to the fact that I saw it coming at all that I’m even still conscious… if a bit stunned… that’s when I see your right elbow heading for me…
01:04 Joanna_Louvier: Fortunately, my left arm is now free to guard, and my right is up as well, now that you’ve given me a very good reason to start protecting my head again… so your elbow cuts into my left forearm with wicked power, your full weight behind it, slamming me back along the edge of the cage wall, stumbling and trying to regain my balance as my left foot is tripped up, due to having been pinned against the cage by your right… at this point I’m just trying to stay on my feet and not turn my back to you…stumbling three or four steps down the length of the cage as I try to right myself… sooner or later, I’ve got to regain control of this fight. I’ve seen what you can do when you’re in close, and I feel lucky to have broken free of you even for a moment there… but it’s not enough to simply survive this round. I need to make my case… sucking in a deep breath, I bring my guard up again and reset my footing as I prepare to halt your next advance… [J9/15]

04:16 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: Your body pressed up between mine and the cage wall, flexing up my left bicep to drive uppercuts into your world class abs is definitely satisfying. Those little grunts, mmm... But of course, this fight isn't going to be won by breaking down your abs. Kicking against your left ankle with my right appears to successfully convince you my intent is to take you down, when I completely change the game plan and POUND you with an uppercut out of nowhere instead to dizzy you, then CRASH my elbow into yours and batter you to the side. Your body stumbles along the cage wall, and I pursue you like you're my prey literally locked in a cage with me, treating you like so many others before you who have succumbed to my vicious attacks. Stumbling along the cage wall, you raise your guard, and reset your footing, and I step in with my left foot, raise my right knee, and STOMP a front push kick into the waistband of your warrior skirt. [G9/15]

07:05 Joanna_Louvier: As I stand my ground in the face of your continued assault, I’m still reeling from that left uppercut, which I’m realizing is the second uppercut that’s clipped my chin tonight… and I’m realizing it’s maybe done a bit more damage than I initially realized… I feel raw and exposed… not just my jaw, but my whole head… and everything sort of hurts more as a result of that. Out of my peripheral vision, I can see the stripes of the ref’s shirt… he’s getting ready to intervene if I—if one of us—goes down… I see you step in and plant your left foot… this would normally be when I would sidestep and counter, but as you raise your right knee to chamber a kick, I’m paralyzed by indecision… I raise my left leg out of instinct and bring my left arm down to my knee, even though I know checking isn’t the right response to a straight push kick like the one you are throwing…
07:14 Joanna_Louvier: BOOM!!!!! Your push kick plows into my lower abs… eliciting an “OOoouuff!!!” as my cheeks blow up and spittle shoots out, but fortunately I manage to keep my mouthguard in place… I stumble back another step, doubling over, arms up to protect my head, trying to figure out where the fuck my momentum went, as I was doing so well only moments ago… then I remember… It all started when I wasn’t able to send you back with that perfect counterpunch… your momentum… that’s your X factor. Your superpower. It’s what allows you to take advantage of your compact, sturdy build and steal leverage away from a taller fighter like me. And while knowing that helps, it doesn’t feel like a lot of help to me now. But maybe… maybe I just need to survive this onslaught, for now, and find the right opportunity… to turn your momentum against you… [J10/15]

10:29 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: Aaaand THAT's more like it. After a few minutes of flashy footwork, and some truly spectacular boxing, in the end it all comes down to aggression, just like I was taught. And the answer to the question: "do you have what it takes, to literally stomp someone else out of existence?" Or will you falter, hesitate, hold yourself back. They say "footwork wins fights" and that may have been true when officially sanctioned fights were more... polite? Civilized? But the truth of real fighting is less pretty. The truth is, what wins fights is the willingness to drive through pain, sacrifice your body, abandon your compassionate humanity, and do literally WHATEVER it takes to END someone else's life before they end yours. In this arena, that means PLOWING through anything you throw at me, with the singular focus of getting in close, and then smashing you into the ground.
10:35 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: And so far, though I've taken a few bumps and bruises and may need to see the chiropractor after that wicked counterpunch earlier, my plan to get in close and smash you into the ground has been working out pretty well. As it always does. That's why I'm still the champ, and I'll always be the champ. Because I'm willing to do whatever it takes to you, to make sure I'm the one who leaves this arena. Which includes driving my size 11's THROUGH your body, looking to break you in half. And that moment of flinching hesitation, that check when you should have countered with more AGGRESSION like you did earlier, that's what's going to get you killed in here.
10:48 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: The momentum is clearly on my side now, my brutal push kick not meant to drive you away, but to bring you closer to me. Folding you over, so those extra inches your body has on me don't give you quite the leverage they once did. My right foot returning softly forward to the canvas after that kick lands, I continue piling on more momentum and chase you along the cage wall, by PLANTING that carefully landed right foot and LEAPING in towards your bent over chest with a flying left knee to your chest, looking to stun the breath out of you and give me the opportunity to wrap your big tall head and neck up with my thick hairy arms into a Thai clinch, hopefully preventing you from whipping those dreamy thick thighs at me any time soon. [G10/15]

18:53 Joanna_Louvier: I’ve practically lost track of which direction is up and which is down as I see your right foot return to the canvas and your left knee launching upwards at me as I feel your gloved hands wrap up around the back of my neck and my shoulders, and then WHUMPPP, your knee connects with my solar plexus, causing my diaphragm to collapse as the air is forced out of my lungs… “UGHHHNNnnnhh!!!!” I let out a loud, low, and pitiful moan that makes it clear to everyone that you’ve just totally knocked the wind out of me… as if this situation couldn’t get any worse… I’m now stunned and winded… I feel your big, strong arms pressing down on me, exerting tremendous force on my upper body and preventing me from adjusting my position… there are very few options for me in this position, especially winded, as I instinctively have my arms tucked in below my chest to protect my already tender ribs and solar plexus… so I can’t use them to pull on your arms or throw a punch…
19:04 Joanna_Louvier: I press my head into your lower abs to keep you from targeting my head, and I flex my abs hard, as I wrap my long arms around your waist, bending my knees and lowering my center of gravity as I try to push my body closer to yours to make your knee strikes less effective… I still haven’t been able to take a breath, and I’m fighting sheer muscle exhaustion just to keep from collapsing onto the canvas in a heap… somewhere, deep in the center of my brain, in the amygdala, there is a war raging in my fight or flight response… and flight has taken over, for a moment…
19:04 Joanna_Louvier: I’m turtling up, as my brain has decided that fighting is not good for my health. But there’s a problem—I need to fight, because it’s my job. And it’s my raison d'être… Suddenly, I snap back… digging deep… from somewhere… somewhere deep and dark and hidden… and I flex every muscle in my body, turning my muscles into a suit of armor to absorb whatever you throw at me next… and finding the strength to suck in a breath, however shallow, to keep myself standing, and to prepare to turn the momentum of this fight back in my favor. [J11/15]

19:33 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: Dazed with an uppercut, knocked aside with an elbow, stomped with a foot to your gut, and then slammed in the chest with a flying knee, all within seconds, it's no surprise to me when your tall, powerful body folds easily into my clinch, with minimal resistance, and I wrap my gloves around the back of your head, clamping my elbows down tight. You're under my control now, and you know it. To your credit, I've beaten plenty of opponents into this position, and only a few could take the abuse you just took and stay standing. A quick glance at the clock tells me I've got plenty of time in this round to continue that abuse, and give you the fight you've been training for.
19:34 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: I can almost feel you giving up in my arms, as so many young hopefuls have given up before you. This is where your meteoric rise ends, where your brightly burning flame dies. Keeping you pressed sideways against the cage wall, I rotate around you looking to back you up flush against the steel. I pick up my left knee, and slam it into your ribs. Grunting into your ear, I want to tell you to just give up, and let go. I'll finish you quickly and we can all take a hot shower and call it a day, another job well done.
19:34 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: But then... you don't give up. Even after everything you just absorbed, your strong body just won't give up. I can FEEL the change in how you're moving, from acceptance, to resistance. Pushing HARD against me, pulling down, pushing in, leveraging every part of that tall musculature of yours, making it challenging to maintain my clinch. I lift a right knee into your ribs, and I can feel my hands slipping. Dammit, how are you still so strong after all of that. [G11/15]

21:06 Joanna_Louvier: As I tense my muscles up, breathing hard, short, urgent breaths, I feel that left knee of yours SMACK into my ribs—well, into the muscles that lace through and over each rib, even the side abdominals, obliques, and serratus or “boxers muscle” of which I’ve always been so proud… those little W-shaped muscles that tie my lats, abs, and everything else together to shape me into the ruthlessly efficient fighting machine that I’ve worked my whole life to become. Which brings me back to my previous point. Fighting IS my life. If I give up, if I stop fighting, I die, whether I leave the cage on my own two legs or not. A death not of the body, but of the spirit. To be defeated, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I can accept, but only after I have exhausted every last possible option. And right now, I am digging into my reserves and getting ready to surge back to life… ready to explode in your arms.
21:18 Joanna_Louvier: Your right knee SMACKs into my left ribs, also shielded by my tensed, rippling musculature… I let out a grunt, “Grrrhuuuhh,” almost a growl… As I’m working up my aggression to match what I just saw out of you… I know I’m going to have to show you that I can match you there as well. That not only can I dance circles around you, I can take what you’re dishing out, and pay it back double. And most importantly… that I Will. Not. Hesitate. Fighting with a major reach advantage, much like hunting, grants me a comfortable distance from my opponent, my prey. It’s easier to kill at a distance. Your prey seems… smaller. It’s harder to hear the grunts and the sound of heavy blows landing… you’re not there when the arrow, the bullet, the missile… strikes its target. But up close, it’s a whole different story. Sensory overload. Chaos. Emotion. Heat. Scent. Everything happens faster, closer. There is no emotional distance from violence when you’re in good and close…
21:33 Joanna_Louvier: Huntress… it’s time to put the bow down. Use the knife. I hear that otherworldly voice and I could swear my eyes start welling up… I’m trembling… not just from exertion… I’m… confronting… something inside of myself. Something inside those deep, dark woods. I walk to the edge of the pond. The water is still, save for a slight ripple as the trees sway gently in the breeze. I kneel. I peer down into the reflective surface of the water, and I see… your face. That resolute, determined expression. Kill or be killed. Staring into my eyes. I stare back. I bare my teeth. Salty droplets fall into the pond causing ripples to form under your eyes. I close my eyes, wipe them clean. The reflection is mine now. My gaze like stone. I see something in the shallow water below. A simple hunting knife. Plunging my hand into the water… my long fingers wrapping around the wooden handle. Wet, shining steel emerging from the water. I stand… snapping back to the cage, locked in this clinch with you.
21:45 Joanna_Louvier: I take in the heat between our bodies, your scent, the pain coursing through my skull, through my abdomen, through my ribs… the fire inside of me now burning hot… not with passion, or hate, or lust… burning with purpose. I position my left foot against the cage wall… I break my grip around your waist to wrap my right arm around the back of your left thigh this time, trying to bury my right shoulder into your abs, and pushing off the wall of the cage with everything I have, wrapping my left arm around your left leg as well now, trying to use my height and position against the cage to pull up on your leg, away from the cage, and push down with my shoulder to bring you to the ground in a single leg takedown… If I can manage to do that, I will try to pass your guard and get into side mount, but how I approach all depends on what position we fall into if my takedown attempt is successful… [J12/15]

23:18 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: I try to push you against the cage with my forearms but you slip. I try to jam my elbows against your clavicles, but you slip. I want to shove an elbow under your chin, but it's buried in my body. There are... ways, of maintaining a Thai clinch, and whether it's because of your slender build, the muscles powering it, or your sheer force of will I don't know, but inch by inch I feel that clinch literally slipping through my fingers, and with it my dominant control of this match.
23:19 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: As your head and shoulders grind down my body, I look to lean my chest heavily on your back, and sprawl on top of you, attempting to salvage my failing position. But those long, strong limbs of yours manage to lock up behind my left knee. I try to keep that knee straight and push away, but your two arms overpower my one leg, and you pull me in tight to your chest with my thigh in between your breasts. Before I know it, my beautiful for me clinch has been ruined into an awful for me single leg, and there's no longer anything I can do to avoid the inevitable.
23:19 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: I should have taken you down when I had the chance, now I'm the one getting taken down. My fans will be disappointed at the critical error, but... again, they're not here in the cage. They don't know fights often rest on single choices, and I made the wrong one. And now I'm the one forced to defend, as you DRIVE that shoulder into my abdomen. In one last attempt to rescue my situation, I try to push your head away and yank out my leg, but you're simply too strong. Bouncing back away from the cage wall on my right foot as I'm pushing your head, once, twice, you finally use all that momentum you've generated off the cage wall to SLAM me down onto my back with a mighty "OOOFF" as you drive your shoulder into my thick abs.
23:20 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: I do manage to pull my leg free slightly enough to hook your left leg with my right, trapping you at least temporarily in half guard, and sitting up. Your shoulder digs into my lower abdomen, and I clamp as tight as I can onto that left leg, in a seated position, my left arm draped over your back. No point trying to punch the ponytail off your head, strikes are useless from here. What happens next is up to you. You can either abandon the guard pass and try to climb into my guard, try to bully your way out of my half guard and into side mount, or do nothing and suffer the consequences of my creativity. Ultimately the result may come down to leverage and muscle strength. And you have both. [G12/15]

00:13 Joanna_Louvier: Alright… I’ve taken us to the ground… now what? In my uppercut-addled haze, I made the rookie mistake of launching my takedown from an inside position… it might have been better if I had turned my head and dug my left shoulder in, instead of my right… well, no sense in worrying about what I could have done differently… I need to focus on the here and the now… on the immediacy of our bodies struggling against each other… you’ve trapped my leg in a tight half guard, and any movement is going to be difficult from this position… or it could open me up to submissions… you’re sitting up, which gives you some leverage, and I’d rather have you on your back, even if you’re just as skilled from there. The one thing I know I can’t do is hesitate.
00:16 Joanna_Louvier: I need to keep overwhelming you with my aggression, just like you did to me, and just like I did in taking you down to the canvas just now… I THRUST forward, into your abs, CHARGING off the canvas with my right foot, pressing both my gloves and my head INTO your abs, trying to PUSH you down onto your back… And I’ll figure out the rest of my plan after that… [J13/15]

01:56 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: The good news is, I managed to pull my leg out far enough after that beautiful takedown that I was able to retain at least a somewhat controlling position over your back. The bad news is, you almost immediately crush that position by abandoning your lock on my leg, and forcing all 175lbs of muscle in your body onto my abdomen. And if you've never had 175lbs pressed into your abdomen through only a few square inches of someone else's head into your core, you really can't understand how bad it sucks. Well, I understand, and your movement successfully forces me to my back, eliminating my chances of taking yours.
02:03 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: I know you're still hurt. I KNOW you're hurt. Your adrenaline, your training, your stamina, your heart, all these factors are pushing you through your hurt, but I KNOW you're hurt. I've been in this game too long not to know. And I also know that forcing me down to my back without making any additional movements afterwards leaves the field open for me to make a play. So I flex my right leg around your left leg to drag your body off my left thigh and to my center, pull up my left knee to scoot it out from under your muscular thighs, and loop my thick hairy left leg around your back. I also loop my left arm under your right arm, forcing that arm north, and drape it over your back. You're almost in guard, but I'm threatening a back take, again. [G13/15]

03:20 Joanna_Louvier: I’ve succeeded in pushing you down onto your back… good… but now, you’re wrapping me up in an open guard, and you’ve managed to get your left arm under my right armpit to keep me trapped tight against your chest… despite the fact that I tried to keep my arms in tight to avoid this exact problem… I guess I was so focused on charging you that I wasn’t keeping my defenses up. Oh well. One thing at a time. And the next thing I’m gonna try is to just make you work as hard as possible to do anything at all while I have my weight on top of you. Your left arm has me sort of pinned to you, but I get the sense that you could use this for a back take attempt if I let you rotate me. Meanwhile, my tits, neatly shrink wrapped in my sweat soaked bra, are pressing directly into your abdomen, just under your pectorals, and I’m getting nice and acquainted with your similarly sweat-soaked, hairy chest. Under different circumstances… No. Kill or be killed.
03:24 Joanna_Louvier: I press my right palm down, pushing myself up as much as I can just for a moment before quickly swinging my left fist in a sharp hook into your right ribs, hoping that I can land a shot on your liver, but perfectly happy to settle for any target I can reach at this point… [J14/15]

03:29 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: It was DEFINITELY never my intention to be flat on my back on the ground at ANY point during this fight. I'm the goddamn world champion, it's supposed to be ME on top. Still, a lot of great work can be done from the bottom. Some of the greatest submissions of all time have been accomplished from the bottom. Hell, winning from the bottom is the CORE of Gracie family Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Winning against a bigger, stronger opponent. Or in this case, a taller, equally strong opponent.
03:36 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: My leg wrapped around your back and my arm sweeping yours north to plant beside my head, you do what any reasonable person would do, and push yourself off the canvas with your right hand. And then, you PLANT that right hand into the canvas, for the purposes of slamming punches into my ribs, one after the other... "HNNNGH... HNNGH.. HNNGH..." your fists digging HARD into my ribs. Finally I scoot myself away from your fists and out under your right side, enough to swing my left hand over your back, and grab your substantial lats. Unhooking my head from under your right arm, I PULL into your hips with my right leg, PULL into your lats with my left hand, rotate my right knee under myself and plant my knee on the ground thrusting my right hook inside your right leg, then SNAP my left leg across your lower back and into a left hook inside your left thigh, pulling myself onto your back.
03:41 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: Panting into your scapula as I slide my hips across your lower back and plant them into that spectacular wedge above your ass cheeks, I pull my right arm out from under yours, clench my right fist with my middle knuckle protruding, and start to grind and drill it across the nerve-heavy lower rear third of your jaw, looking to loop my meaty right arm under your chin. and across your throat. Keeping my hooks WELL under control, as I look to keep your back, and start to sink in a rear naked choke. My hairy chest weighing heavily on yours, as I arch my back, squeezing my hooks into your thick thighs, thrust my hips into your back, looking to break down your hips and lower you to the canvas before I REALLY try to lock in that choke. Realizing I've only got seconds left in this round, and I'm battling with one of the best pound for pound grapplers on the planet. [G14/15]

04:00 Joanna_Louvier: As I’m essentially trying to just make everything a bit more difficult for you right now, it’s satisfying to rack up so many unanswered punches to your ribs… that is… until I feel you scooting out from under me and then hooking those powerful arms and legs around me… shit, that happened so fast… it’s not the first time I’ve given up my back… I can see the clock from here, and we’re literally down to 20 seconds left in the first round… but that’s all the time you need to sink in that choke and choke me out… unless I use every available option to stall.
04:01 Joanna_Louvier: Escaping the RNC after a back take is nearly impossible, but buying time is definitely within my power. As you try to hook your right arm around my neck, I bring my shoulders up, gripping your forearm with my right, while trying to trap your left arm under mine to prevent you from clasping your arms together… I also use my powerful legs to push off the canvas HARD and bridge up, denying you whatever leverage I can at that lower point just above my waist. And while I have that grip on your right arm, I’ll try to ROTATE to my right, as a last resort, to keep you from sealing the choke… I REFUSE to let you finish me now, when I’m this close… See you in round two, Sir… [J15/15]

04:15 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: The seconds are counting down, and I KNOW I have enough time to finish this, finish you, and end yet another in my long career full of wins. GRINDING my knuckles across our jaw as I try to force my arm under your throat, to no surprise you grasp my forearm to prevent my advances. PULLING my self up along your back with my left using your own lats as leverage against you, to no surprise you grasp my left hand with your thick bicep and tricep. To no surprise, you attempt to arch BOTH of us to your right with those trunk like legs, and I apply equally vicious pressure with my left hamstrings against yours, to keep your hips locked down to the canvas. Still, all your efforts are slowing me down. They're not stopping me, I KNOW I'm going to win this, they're just slowing me down. You're literally a dead woman, it's just a matter of time. Tick... tock...
04:23 Greg_the_Pet_Vet: With one last mighty grunt, I SHOVE my thick, hairy right forearm out of your grip and loop it under your jaw and across your throat. Tick... tock... RIP my left hand out from under your powerful arm and loop my own bulging bicep under my right hand, gripping it tight.. tick... tock... THRUST my left hip into yours to drive you to the canvas... tick... tock... loop my left hand behind your head and SLAP the back of your head, grasping a mitt full of your ponytail... time slowing.... ..... tick........ tock........ pressing my head down into yours....... tick........ as I pull my elbows into each other........ tock............. finally............. FINALLY.......... applying pressure to your right carotid artery with my big, firm right bicep, and your left carotid artery with my thick, hairy forearm............... SQUEEEEEEEEEEZING tight................ and then.......... DINNNNGGGG goes the timer for Round One, and the ref rushes over to pull me off you... [G15/15]

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Published: 2022-04-27, viewed 80 times.