Agents Universe

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: He held a knife in his right hand, the blade and hilt polished bright so it reflected back at Austin even in the low light, the crest of the CCS embedded in the side of the blade. “Initiate Carson. Your hand.”

11:21 Austin_Carson: The doors open in spectacular fashion, and there in front of me is none other than Captain Nick Wilson. Fucking hell. He was 245 pounds of utter bad-ass. I admired him almost as much as Alex. He was dressed for business,not formality, in battle gear. He held out an intricate, exceptionally wrought knife in his right hand, polished and engraved with the CCS emblem. I held out my hand as he asked, not asking questions, keeping my mind clear and free of expectations or anticipation.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: Nick took Austin’s hand and paused, looking down into the young man’s eyes. Nick had known Austin for a long time. He adored Chris Carson as a father figure and had always seen Austin as a little brother. But now the little brother wanted to become a man. Nick had performed this part of the trial on dozens of men over the past five years but this would be the hardest for him because he knew what he was about to do to his “little brother”.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: He pressed the blade into the palm of Austin’s hand. “On pain of death and dishonor, Initiate Austin, the Covert Combat Squad initiation is a secret precious few know. It will test your mental and physical skill as well as push you to your limits, and perhaps beyond. What happens during this trial is a secret for life. You do not talk about it with anyone, including your fellow CCS agents unless it is broached by a senior officer. And even then, you must confirm their identity before doing so.”

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: Nick quickly snaps his wrist and drives the blade in a slash across Austin’s palm, looking to scar the young man’s hand, cutting into it precisely from the top of the thumb to the base of the pinky.

11:21 Austin_Carson: I held Nick’s gaze. He was a friend, and uncle, another father, just like Alex. But not right now. Now he was a CCS officer and he was here to do his duty. I knew what was coming, and absorbed every word he uttered, taking it to heart. I nodded, once, in acceptance of the conditions he laid out. My hand erupted in a line of fire from the top of my thumb, in a wide arc across my palm to the base of my pinky. It fucking hurt like hell. I refused to flinch, I refused to give away any indication by my expression or bearing that I had felt anything. I stood, rock steady, absorbing it all. Breathing through it. This is nothing. Just pain. Pain is to be endured. A vision of me standing in front of Alex and my Dad, receiving my commission once again flashed into my mind’s eye. That was my goal. This was part of the price. The blood dripped down my hand, and onto the floor as I stood rock steady and unflinching.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: I pulled the knife away, swapping the knife into my other hand as I lifted my right hand and showed it to Austin. The same scar in the same spot across my hand existed, the line of it perfectly in the same spot.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: “Breaking this code will yield your life forfeit. Take it seriously, as the brother of the CCS certainly do.” I paused to let it sink in, then continued. “The first phase of your trial will take place inside the next room. It will test your limits. It will last for an unknown amount of time. It might be minutes, it could be days. If it provides any comfort, I will be with you the entire time. Are you ready to begin?”

11:21 Austin_Carson: I let my hand drop to my side, continuing to drip blood on the floor. I examined Nick’s scar, absorbing his words. I remember now a similar scar on Alex’s hand and my fathers, but I never realized the significance until now. I listen to him explain the next part. I have no idea what might take days or minutes, but I’m ready none the less. Expect the unexpected. I reply, “I’m ready sir.”

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: I nod, turning around and stepping into the room, allowing you access to it. It’s dark, only one light in the middle. Cinder block walls painted an off white to help brighten the room given the very low light levels. It’s so dark in the corners that the cameras in each are not visible but they provide feeds straight up into the auditorium above where the other agents are just settling in to watch.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: The room was open with the exception of a large metal table in the middle. There were several drawers built into the base of the table with the dim light hanging overhead. On the far wall, a set of shackles dangling down from the wall with leather and metal ties. Blood stained the room - the floor and walls behind the shackles as well as all around the table. Drains existed in the floor, presumably to let the blood run off. This was one of the CCS interrogation rooms. Enemy combatants never were questioned here - it was only used for new agent trials. Austin had never seen one of these before but he would now live in it for a while.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: “One of the most important things to know is your breaking point,” Nick said. “If you are caught by an enemy, you will have information. Secrets that he will want. And secrets he will try to extract. The first phase of the trial tests your physical limits. I know a lot about you, Austin Carson. You will have to keep this information from me. But doing so will come at a price. A painful price. The question will be whether you can take what I will do to you, or whether you will succumb to it. Now, walk over to the far wall and shackle yourself. It demonstrates your willingness to be a part of the process. I will do the last shackle when we begin. And we will begin in 2 minutes.

11:21 Austin_Carson: I looked around the chamber as you led me into the room. It was instantly clear what the room was used for. And instantly clear, even before you explained it to me, what the first trial would consist of. The bloodstains sent a shiver of fear up my spine. I had been warned that I might not survive the test. I knew that Nick would not intentionally kill me, but mistakes happened. I looked inside myself, and looked right into the eyes of my fear. It was only pain. Only pain. I could endure that, would endure that, had endured it. Every day I pushed myself in the gym, I had to overcome pain and weakness to lift harder, to lift more. Every time I sparred with Alex or James, or even Nick, I experienced pain. For the last several weeks, Alex had brutalized me physically, testing my limits with strikes and the toughest, no-holds-barred sparring I’d ever experienced with him. I understood why now. This was no different. Just pain. And at the end, I’d stand there in front of my father and Alex and receive my commission. Mastering my fear, I strode across the floor without another word, simply nodding to you. I leaned against the wall, reached down and shackled my ankles. Then, I shackled my left hand. Finally I lay my bleeding right hand against the wall, and nodded, ready for you to begin.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: I watched Austin move across the room. He seemed cool as a cucumber, leaning against the wall and methodically shackling his ankles and then his left hand. I walked up to him as he finished, squatting down checking the bindings, giving them an extra squeeze to tighten them a little more. I stood back up and grabbed his right arm roughly, the blood dripping down the wall from where you pressed it in. I shackled that down as well and pulled hard on the binding, wanting it to dig into your wrist as much as the ones on your ankles.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson:I brought my hand up and grabbed Austin’s jaw, squeezing it between my hands. “You are all mine now,” I said, a wicked smile forming across my face. I didn’t relish in torturing initiates. But it was good practice for torturing enemies, something I was fairly good at. It was one of the reasons Chris Carson had designated me for this role a couple of years back. He gave me a book called “Phase 1 Initiation” that detailed out each attack, the timing between them and the amount of relative force that should be used. By following a script, it allowed each initiate to be compared to everyone else before them, something alpha men of the CCS mostly prided themselves in being able to do - especially if they were in high percentiles.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson:I don’t wait for a response, immediately bringing my knee up into Austin’s ribcage, twisting solidly at my hips to maximize power into his thick and meaty abs. I repeat the motion, aiming for the exact same spot on the left side of Austin’s ribs, then in a quick motion I step back and fire a right uppercut under Austin’s chin. The first few minutes were intended to soften the initiate up and to make it clear that this was going to hurt.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson:Alex walked into the auditorium just as Nick was making the final preparations. The other CCS agents were present, most of them seated and talking as Nick started to lay into Austin on the television. The agents settled down and started to watch as Alex sat down in the front row center next to Chris Carson. He put a hand on Chris’ leg, anticipating that this would not be easy for the commander to watch as both men knew all too well what his son was about to go through. “There is no better man than Nick in there with him,” Alex said to Chris, who watched quietly, wanting to gauge truly how his son would react.

11:21 Austin_Carson: As you grabbed my jaw, and let me know the score, I figured this was gonna hurt. And I wasn’t wrong. Your knee smashed up first into my right side, then into my left. I ground my teeth as my body spasmed from the brutal double assault. I’d never taken a shot like that, to my undefended ribs before. The pain was soul crushing. The worst of it was that I couldn’t defend myself. I had to take it, had no choice. FUCK. But I didn’t yell out, just moaned in a deep low tone as agony radiated out like the shockwave of a bomb through my ribs, my body bending inwards around each impact crater. I was totally unprepared for the uppercut that followed, knocking my head back against the wall, till I was seeing stars and tasting blood. I growled low in my throat, and stared out at Nick. I kept quiet, but my eyes were flashing defiance. Time to see what I was made of.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: Setting the tone was essential as I took a pause after the opening salvo, getting right up into your face so that the spit from my words spatters you. “Initiate Carson. Anytime you want to stop, you can tell me the safe words. They are: ‘I am weak and not suitable to be a CCS agent.’ Is that understood?” I don’t wait for a response, instead bringing my forearm up across your neck and then lifting my right knee up, again torquing it with my hips and driving it up between your legs. “IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?”

11:21 Austin_Carson: This was a side of Captain Nick I’d never seen before. Fuck me, but he was one hell of an intimidating bastard. You spelled out the conditions to me, and I bristle inside at what I have to say to stop the trial. FUCK NO. It stirs up my anger, my pride, and my confidence. I’m not gonna break. NEVER going to say those words. NEVER… ARGHHHHHHHHh… FUCKKKKKKKKKkk… Suddenly, your knee smashes up into my balls, crushing them brutally against my pubic bone. My whole body lurches and convulses against the shackles. Oh god…. I want to puke… the sickening pain that washes over me makes me feel weak and sick. I slump slightly, but my eyes are flashing pure fire. This is just pain. I can take it. I’m a goddamn man. I’ve trained for this. Once again, and not for the last time, the vision of me standing in front of Alex and my Dad receiving my commission sears across my brain. I can do this. I can fucking do this ALL DAY LONG. My eyes flash hard, and I nod once in acknowledgement of your question.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: A few of the guys in the auditorium murmur their approval. There had been guys who ultimately didn’t make the CCS that had given in already so the fact that the Commander’s kid seemed so determined seemed promising.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: I was impressed and insulted in one when you don’t even acknowledge whether you understand or not. I lean in on you harder, choking you with my forearm and pressing your head into the hard cinder blocks behind you, putting pressure on your neck from all angles. “I SAID IS THAT UNDERSTOOD!” I shouted in your face, this time, using my right arm and drive my fingers three pointed up into your armpit, almost full power, looking to test your nerves and making it clear that they would be included in this session.

11:21 Austin_Carson: Suddenly, you lean in close and tight, your forearm choking me hard against my neck, smashing my head into the cinder blocks. Spots start dancing under my eyes from the pressure, and then you yell at me, clearly you want a verbal acknowledgement from me. Then, your fingers stab up into my armpit and a savage explosion of fiery pain and terrifying numbness radiate out from the impact, causing my body to convulse involuntarily. Fuck. I’ve never felt a nerve hold used with such force before. It hurts on a deep, deep level. I battle with my sense of helplessness and fear, and hold on to my strength. I roar suddenly, my voice full of defiance, channeling the pain and agony into my outburst, “I FUCKING UNDERSTAND!”

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: I appreciate fire in you but it also sets off the fire in me. Defiance is not something an interrogator takes lightly, especially when the captured agent’s life is forfeit if they want it to be. In this case, I didn’t have that leverage and whether Austin knew it or not, he was not in danger of dying today, no matter what we told him.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: I suddenly pull back away from him, taking a big step back and then bringing my leg up and sending a roundhouse kick toward Austin’s jaw. “DON’T FUCKING TALK BACK TO ME YOU SHIT EATING MOTHERFUCKER!” I get back up in his face, pulling it up to look at me right in the eyes, my sweat and heat transferring toward Austin. “This is just the beginning. I’m going to make you beg for death, initiate.” And then I finish it off with a hard headbutt toward his nose, growling as I punish his face one more time.

11:21 Austin_Carson: I’m straining against the shackles, the tendons on my neck standing out, my biceps and pecs bulging, straining the fabric of my simple olive-green t-shirt. Breathing heavy. I see that roundhouse kick coming just in time to relax my muscles and prevent my neck from being broken. My jaw is savagely ripped to the side, a wad of spit and blood projecting out of my brutalized mouth. I slump in the shackles, my ears ringing, pain radiating out from my bruised jaw. Fuck. You yell right in my face, and I’m dazed from the blow and the volume of the bellow. Then as you mouth off to me some more, you crack me hard in the nose with a brutal headbutt, and I feel a sharp pain radiating out from my face as blood starts to stream out of my nose. My head slumps. Too stunned to think right now.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: I watch your face snap from the kick, then the headbutt. I step back and walk away, giving you a few minutes to recover, walking around the room quietly. This isn’t easy for me. All I see is the kid growing up around the base, the kid whose hair I would muss up before it was cropped short, who played basketball with the guys during off hours, who I helped with homework to finally get to understanding derivatives in calculus. This was not easy. But it was necessary if Austin wanted to be one of us, he had to endure what we all had endured. With the shock and awe campaign complete, it was time to bring on another form of torture. Humiliation

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: Finally, I walk toward you again and stop in front of you. “This is going to continue for days, initiate.” I tell you, grabbing your green shirt at the front with both hands. I rip it open with my bare hands, shredding the fabric and exposing your chest. “I have all the time in the world.”

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: I pull the loose fabric away from your body and toss it into the corner. Then I reach down to my utility belt and grab my knife, pulling it out and grabbing the waistband of your combat pants. I pull it away from your waist and start to slowly saw it, the point of the knife coming into contact with your skin, puncturing it slightly but constantly jabbing at it while I slowly saw through the strong fibers at the waist of the pants. When they finally release, I grab the rough fabric at one of your thighs and pull it away from your leg, slicing in and down the side to further loosen it. Doing the same on the other leg, I finally weaken the material enough so that with a firm pull, it too shreds and your combat pants come off of your body, falling to the floor.

11:21 Austin_Carson: Slowly, the room stops spinning, and the fog in my brain starts to recede, replaced by throbbing craters of pain in my nuts, my jaw, my ribs. Instead of trying to resist the pain, I focus on it, breathe into it, just like Alex taught me. My eyes latch onto yours, and I’m struggling to reconcile the Captain Nick I grew up with, watching out for me, teaching me, tutoring me, with this ruthless bastard out to break me. But I knew underneath it all, I had to be tested, pushed, to see if I would break. Fuck that. I wasn’t going to break. Then you reach forward and suddenly rip my tight green t-shirt right off my body, exposing my thick, powerful chest and rock-solid abs, my massive biceps. I was a bit shocked by the exposure, but that was nothing compared to what happened next. I felt a small shiver of fear as you got your knife, and casually sawed my combat pants off, the knife tip puncturing my skin, drawing small beads of blood as they were torn off.

11:21 Austin_Carson: I was stunned… Was he really going to cut my pants off all the way? I barely registered the pain until finally, my trousers were shredded, simply collapsing in a ruined heap, and I was suddenly buck naked. It felt strange to be exposed like this, my cock and balls hanging out, totally vulnerable. It was so fucking wierd for Captain Nick, a man I thought of as my uncle, to have stripped me naked. I felt uncertain, and my confidence was shaken. I kept control of my emotions however, and kept my gaze steady and unwavering. I wasn’t going to let this get to me. So what if I was naked? So the fuck what.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: I finished tossing the scraps of Austin’s gear into the corner then examined him further. “Well what do we have here? Someone who thinks he is tough enough to be a member of special ops tied to a wall, naked as the day he was born.” I walk up and use the knife to groom Austin’s manhood, using it like a razor to trim his pubes and remove what may have been left of them. “Just a baby now,” I say with a smile.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: Then i grab for Austin’s dangling sack and squeezing it hard in my hand. “Now you are going to tell me what I want to know, just like a good little boy. You understand Initiate? Who is your father?” I growl, not waiting for an answer but yanking down hard on your manhood and coupling it with a twist, holding it in the down and twisted position, my hand like a vice around your balls. “His name, tell me!”

11:21 Austin_Carson: It took every ounce of my self control not to flinch as you ran that razor sharp knife across my pubes, shaving me bald. Even though I knew this was just a test, I knew you were Captain Nick Wilson, my adopted uncle, I still felt a sickening surge of humiliation and rage as my balls were shaved. I was a goddamn fucking man now, not a boy, not a baby. My resolve suddenly hardened. I fed off my anger, my eyes flashing defiance.

11:21 Austin_Carson: Then suddenly your hand is around my thick, heavy, hairless balls. You insult me further, and demand that I tell you who my father is. The gut wrenching naseua returned in spades. Except this time, it wasn’t a quick strike that was over almost before it started. It was sustained, savage, and soul-crushing. My goddamn balls were being crushed. Your grip was firm, and started to shake in my shackles, sweat pouring down my face from the extreme stress. Suddenly, I let out a bellow, like a wounded bull, trying to channel the sickening pain vocally to keep from cracking. I didn’t say a single word though. Inside my head I kept reminding myself that it was just pain. I can handle pain. Just pain. It will pass. I just needed to stay with it. I wondered… how much more of this i could take before I lost my breakfast.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: I don’t relish in your bellow as I would if it were a man I was hunting and truly needed information from. I see the pain in your eyes was you keep the information to yourself. Finally I let go of your balls, sending a backhanded slap across your face, first in one direction, then the other at full power, open handed before giving you a small reprieve.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: “Initiate, the question was not that hard,” I say, walking slowly away from you toward the table in the middle of the room. I crouch down and slide open a door, pulling out a bull whip. It takes practice to get good at using this and I’d done this so many times that I could aim and strike within millimeters of my intended target.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: I stand up, closing the drawer and unfurling the whip slowly, letting you watch, wanting you to know it was coming. “This can all end very easily,” I say. “But you have to start giving me some information. Now, who is your father?” I ask, starting to swing the whip so that the air around it starts to whistle.

11:21 Austin_Carson: My entire will is focused on keeping my gorge down, battling the gut-wrenching agony radiating from my abused balls. Awwwfuck… it hurts. But there is no way in hell I’m gonna to give up, just pain. This is just pain. Nothing more. When you release, there is a sense of relief washing through my body, then suddenly my head is blasted first one way then the other, a stinging, burning pain radiating from the cheeks. I am momentarily stunned again, barely processing what you tell me, my brain rattled from those savage back handed slaps.

11:21 Austin_Carson: My vision starts to clear, and I see you approaching with … what the fuck is that? I grow cold.. Fuck me… you were carrying a goddamn bullwhip. I felt afraid for the briefest of moments. The pain was starting to wear me down, and I wasn’t looking forward to tasting that whip. You ask me who my father is. I growl deep in my throat, my eyes suddenly flashing, my courage returning. Straining against the chains, not speaking, but my whole stance, body language, the tension and flexion of my muscle, screaming out fuck you.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: I don’t hesitate, seeing your resolve starting to return as I send the whip flying straight toward your left pec, right at your nipple, whistling through the air as I too start to whistle while I work, seeming to not care at all. “We can do this all day, initiate!” I say to you as I send the whip flying again toward your right pec, looking to mirror the last blow to show you just how precise I am with this weapon. Then two more quick cracks going straight for your meaty quads, digging the end of the whip into them and looking to make them bleed.

11:21 Austin_Carson: Even though I’m braced for it, resolute, nothing can really prepare me for the line of liquid fire that suddenly slashes across my pec, ravaging my left nip. I roar, and my whole body yanks and pulls at the chains, but before I even finish bellowing, suddenly a matching line of fire savages my right pec, the nip likewise burning. The flesh is red and raw, hot and burning, and the pain is sending knives into my brain. I scream out again, as my thighs are likewise ravaged, the powerful, bulky muscle crossed with red lines of fire, pain assaulting me from all over my body. I slump after the fourth whip strike, shuddering, the agony short-circuiting my brain.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: I hear the snaps of the whip against your body and it is a mix of pleasure of disgust that flows through me having to do this. But I pursue the final brutal move with the whip, sending it flying toward your head. I twist it mid-air and release, letting it grow longer as it flies toward your neck and then wraps around it, the end snapping into the side of it as I walk close to you and pull your head up slowly with the whip, not letting it slump. I get right up close in your face. “Who is he, initiate? What is his name?” I ask quietly, pulling on the whip and choking you with it.

11:21 Austin_Carson: My brain is lighting up like a christmas tree, so much pain from so many parts of my body flooding in all at once. I’m dumbly aware as you snap that fucking whip again. Everything happens so fast, but before I know it, suddenly that whip is wrapped tight around my throat, and I can’t breathe. I fight a battle inside my brain, mastering the sudden surge of panic at the pressure from the whip. You get right up in my face, and the lashes on my pecs and thighs start to bleed a bit in a few places, rubbing off on you. I look up in your eyes as you ask me again what my father’s name is. This is fucking hell. No doubt. But despite everything, I don’t say a word. I battle with panic, with the need to breathe, but suddenly, just like Alex taught me, I’m in the centre of the hurricane. The pain is all on the outside. I see spots in front of my eyes, and realize I’m about to pass out from lack of air. That suits me just fine. Fucking not gonna say a goddamn word.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: I see you start to fade from the choke, your eyes fluttering. Suddenly, I release the pressure just before you pass out, edging you around the world of darkness. I loosen the noose and let the whip end fall to the floor. “You will tell me his name, initiate. We will be here until you do. This is but the beginning. It will only get worse from here. Think about that for a little while.”

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: I turn around and walk toward the door, leaving the whip on the table and flipping a switch on the doorsill. Blinding white lights turn on in the room, lighting it up as if you were standing next to the sun. A heater turns on in the corner that will raise the temperature in the room from the 80 degrees current to 125 degrees over the course of 30 minutes. Along with that, loud music streams from speakers embedded in the walls, the singer, if you want to call him that, yells into the microphone instead of singing. I walk out of the room and close the door.

11:21 Austin_Carson: Suddenly, before I pass out, you unwind the whip from my neck, and I take in a deep shuddering breath. Trying to stay in that calm center, but suddenly I’m knocked out of the eye and back into the hurricane. Pain assaulting me from every part of my body. You lay out your ultimatum, and I feel a spike of fear stab my guts. How long can I hold out? Just the beginning… fuck me. But I don’t let my fear show. I say nothing, looking stoic. Then, you turn and leave, flipping a switch. Suddenly I’m blasted by blinding light, unable to see anything. I shut my eyes, but even that doesn’t completely stop the glare. I feel a wave of heat slam into my naked body, and sweat pops out from every pore, the salty sweat dripping down the fire-hot lashes, irritating the wounds. I groan. At the same time, a blast of incredibly loud sound suddenly erupts from the walls, hammering my brain. I try to zone it out, but the sound keeps hammering into my skull.

11:21 Austin_Carson: I focus on one thing… just one thing… me standing with my dad and Alex receiving my commission. That’s my goal. It’s just heat. Just pain.. Just sound… I can take this. But a part of me is whispering… can you really? For how long? Are you really tough enough to be in the CCS? Are you good enough? Are you as good as Alex? As your dad? As Nick? The relentless sensations, the pain, the heat, the burning, the sound. I wanted to scream, needed to scream. But I endured… I can take this. I know I can.. But it’s not getting easier. It’s getting harder. I’m being ground down… worn down… my resolve is taking a savage battering.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: I walked down the hall and into another room, grabbing a coffee and watching you on screen, seeing how you react to the sensory overload test. It goes for 30 minutes, leaving you hanging there, getting the room to its peak temperature of dry heat before I get up and walk back into the room.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: I don’t turn off any of the sensations, seeing your eyes closed and expecting you would have managed to retreat to a safe spot mentally by now so you would be less likely to expect even my presence since the music overshadows the door opening and closing. I stay behind the lights and flip another switch on the wall. A panel from the far wall opens and behind it is a pitching machine with balls loaded into it. It spins up and I press another button as it rockets a ball straight at your abs. Then another. Then another. Two dozen balls over 30 seconds slam into your body as the lights and music blare in this desert-like heat.

11:21 Austin_Carson: Suddenly, out of nowhere, as I’m focusing as hard as I can on simply enduring, something slams deep into my abs. They weren’t flexed, I was caught totally off guard. My abs cave in from the heavy shot, my eyes pop open, and I gasp in agony. What the fuck? My guts roil, feeling sick in my stomach. I can’t see anything the lights are so fucking bright, then WHAM, WHAM, WHAM.. relentless, savage, brutal, a stream of … baseballs? Slamming one after the other into my abs, I manage to tighten my core after the initial hit, but the damage has been done. Every fucking ball battering against my hard, flexed abs. The heat, light, sound, burning pain from the whips still assaulting me as I try and concentrate on keeping my abs hard against the onslaught. I roar suddenly, bellowing in frustration, agony, and pain, I can feel heavy bruises ripping through my tight abs. Just as I lose my flex, the volley stops, and I hang shuddering in the chains. My whole body spasming from exhaustion, thirst, pain. How much of this can I take?

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: As the final baseball flies into Austin, I flip the switch, reverting the lights back to the low level they once were, turning off the irritating music but keeping the heat up. It was hot in here, like a sauna. I reached up over my head and took off my shirt, letting it fall to the ground, my thickly muscled pecs bouncing back and forth at you as I walk up to your hanging body. I put aside who you were - this was business just like it was for every other initiate I’d known and been asked to test.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: “This ends, Initiate, when you answer my questions, not before.” I grab your chin with one hand and squeeze it, lifting your head. With the other, I grab your cock, slowly stroking it with my other hand. “Look at how weak you are, you pathetic maggot. Hanging in these chains, naked, weak, defeated. And for what? To protect what? Your daddy’s name? I already know it, initiate. So why don’t you tell me?”

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: With that, I let go of your chisled jaw and run my hand down your sweaty pec to where your bleeding near your nipples. I bring my other hand up from your manhood as well. You have great musculature for your age, thick and fibers, rivaling mine and only a few other CCS agents. I drive my nails and finger into the bullwhip cuts, looking to peel the skin back and dig my fingers into each cut deeper, just as I bring my forehead forward straight toward the bridge of your nose for a brutal headbutt.

11:21 Austin_Carson: You walk up to me, trying to get inside my head with you words, but at least the sound has stopped and the blinding light is finally off. My brain is feeling foggy, and there is a part of me that wants this to be over. I’ve never been through anything like this in my life. Everything hurts, everywhere. But inside, I’m holding firm. I keep reminding myself this is just a little pain, a little discomfort, I can handle it. Then, you grab my cock, and rub your hand up and down my pecs. For a moment, it almost feels sensual, and I start to respond, then you dig into the cuts caused by the bullwhip, ripping into my skin, and the pain sears me like a bolt of lightning. I scream out in agony, then you smash me right in my nose, sending out a spray of blood. My brain flashes white, and my whole body shudders in agony.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: Your blood spatters onto my skin as I laugh at you. “So pathetic, Initiate,” I reply, stepping back and sending a right hook to your left eye, trying to match my power to your weakness, not wanting to KO you but wanting you to feel it.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: I step back toward the table and again bend down toward the drawer, this time pulling out a long black nightstick. I walk back toward you slowly, pressing a button on it and electricity searing through the air. A cattle prod, not a nightstick.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: “Now you are going to tell me what I want to know, Initiate. That head of yours better get clear in a hurry, or I’ll be making it clear.” I lower the prod and put the electrical end up to your dangling balls. “Your father’s name?” I ask again, giving you a chance to respond.

11:21 Austin_Carson: Pain… heat… hurts… everything hurts… but I’m tough. I know I’m tough. Not gonna break… not gonna break. WHAMMMM Suddenly, my head snaps hard to the side, a savage pain radiating out from my left eye. I can feel it start to swell, and I’m still trying to process what the fuck just hit me when I notice you pulling out a nightstick, but no… what the fuck… what the fuck. I gulp as electricty arcs on the tip. That’s a goddamn cattle prod. Then you get right up in my face, asking me what my father’s name is. I feel fear grip my guts as that arcing prod lowers itself, right next to my balls. I respond all right, I scream. I scream at you, scream at my fear, scream defiance. “FUCK YOU!! DO YOUR FUCKING WORST I’M NOT TALKING!”

11:21 Captain_Alex_Jennings: I watched from the auditorium above. Some of the men have filtered out, others have come in. It was normal as the first phase of the trial could last quite a while. But I didn’t leave. I had no intention of leaving until Austin was done. It was easy to remember my own trial, even if it was over a dozen years back. Some things you just don’t forget. And this was one. My face winced as Nick unloaded the electricity from the cattle prod into Austin’s dangling balls, the setting on the prod not turned up too high to do permanent damage but certainly high enough for him to properly feel the jolt of electricity coursing through his body. It was one of the sternest tests of this phase of the trial and he knew it could be a turning point for Austin. All men will break, it’s just a matter of when.

11:21 Austin_Carson: My nuts suddenly twisted, and my entire body thrashed involuntarily as the prod unloaded its charge right into my manhood. I let out a scream of agony. My guts roiled, sweat poured off my face. My body shuddered, I fought hard not to throw up. I slumped down in the chains. How much more could I take… NO… not gonna break. I slump, shuddering, sick, hurting, feeling rubbed raw inside and out. Feeling weak. But I lift my head, my face grim and determined. WILL NOT TALK.

11:21 Captain_Alex_Jennings: The men in the hall grimace as Austin’s scream fills the room. Memories of their own trials each flowing through them in their own ways as Austin hangs tight, continuing to stare Nick down, determined.

11:21 Captain_Alex_Jennings: Nick rotated the baton in his hand, pressing the button a few more times as he then turned up the power. “It appears to have been set a bit too weak, Initiate,” he shares with Austin. After fixing it, he continued to rotate the baton in his hand, flipping it up and and around and down then driving the electrical end straight into Austin’s pec meat, pressing the young alpha up against the now hot stone wall, the end sinking into Austin’s muscled body as he turned on the electricity and held it there for almost 10 second, the sound eminating from the prod nauseating to a few in the room as they got up to get some coffee, not wanting to watch this part as the memories of it were still harsh in their own minds. But Alex’s eyes were glued, almost trying to channel an inner force of strength toward Austin.

11:21 Austin_Carson: I’m shuddering inside, feeling my resolve slowly start to crumble. I thought I knew how to handle pain. But this is beyond anything I’ve every felt. How can I hold out? But I’ve got to hold out. Can’t give in. Can’t break. This is what I want. More than anything. More than fucking anything. Waves of pain and naseua are washing through me. My muscles are twitching and convulsing, the prod having scrambled my nervous system. I’m feeling sick. Then you tell me that it was set too weak. No… no … then I scream again as the prod is driven deep into my thick, muscled pecs, denting the flesh, the current surging out right into my chest. My entire body is wracked savagely, I scream brokenly, feeling burnt, and ripped and torn from the inside out. Just as you pull the prod away from my chest, I lose control of my bladder, and suddenly piss myself, shame, and agony, pain, and sickness washing through me. Starting to crack… hard to think… I just want this to stop.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: I pull the prod away from you, the smell of burning and singed flesh permeating the room. Watching you suffer, pissing yourself and twitching in spots is gut wrenching. I grab you by the chin and again lift your head up to look into my eyes, trying the best I can to show you lethal danger. “Now, who is your father? I’m not going to ask you again before I put this up your asshole, Initiate.” To further the threat, I bring the prod up against your ass cheek, rubbing the metal against it.

11:21 Austin_Carson: I’m twitching, eyes partially glazed as you grab me by the chin. You look right into my eyes. I’m seeing another side of you today. I’m seeing what it really takes to be in the CCS. For a brief moment, I wonder if I’ll have to do this someday, torture an initiate try to break him… if I make it. You ask me again who my father is. Then you bring the prod up towards my ass cheek. I flinch away from the touch, my guts roiling. When does this stop? How much do I have to put up with before this ends? It’s gotta stop at some point.. I just have to hold out a little longer. Just a little longer…. Trying hard to visualize myself standing in front of Alex and my Dad, receiving my commission. Trying to focus my will, my determination. Just like the gym… just like pushing through the last few sets at the end of a savage beast workout. If I can do that… I can do this. I say nothing.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: There is a long pause as you say nothing still, the prod pressing into that muscled glute, our eyes locked, focus and determination in yours even if they are weak and tired. Suddenly I pull the prod off of your ass and walk away, putting it down on the table. I walk toward the door, turning to look back at you. “Clearly Initiate, you need more time to consider your decisions. Enjoy the night.” I flip on the lights and loud music once again, and exit the room.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: When I close the door behind me, the rush of cool air conditioning rushing over my body, I lean into the wall and smile, pride rushing through my body like I hadn’t experienced in a long time. ‘God damn I love this kid,’ I thought to myself. Then I slowly walked down the hall to rejoin the men upstairs.

11:21 Captain_Alex_Jennings: There was an eruption of cheers in the auditorium as Nick Wilson left the room, leaving Austin by himself. The kid had survived the first checkpoint, and done so without giving up any information. A feat only a handful of men had been able to do. I couldn’t help but smile, my heart pounding for Austin. If he could only see the men’s reaction. It would only get harder from here, but he’d made quite the impression so far.

11:21 Austin_Carson: Suddenly, you turn and leave, and I feel some of the tension drain away. The heat, sound, and light are back on full force though, the relentless triple assault continuing to wear me down. And thirsty… so fucking thirsty. Sweat dripping off my body as I hang there, under the heat, the glaring lights, the relentless skull-smashing sound, drilling into me in a thousand places. How long? How fucking long… As long as it takes.. I answer myself. As long as it fucking takes to pass.

11:21 Captain_Alex_Jennings: The world above continued to turn and the CCS agents went about their day. Alex was the only one to remain in the auditorium for the full time. Even Chris had to focus on the day’s events and only stopped in briefly during the long psychological torture period known simply in the interrogation plan as ‘insanity’. He watched Austin constantly, wishing he could take this punishment for him but knowing it was not possible. It was 10 hours and 30 minutes before Nick returned to the unmarked basement level.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: I opened the door to the smell of burned flesh, piss and blood. Austin just as I had left him, the room’s sensations continuing to drain him though as there was much less sweat to give and the blood had crusted and clotted. I flipped the wall switch to turn off the sensory overload, announcing my presence to Austin.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: “I’m back to play, Initiate.” I say with a smile, picking up the cattle prod again and flipping it in my hands. You didn’t need to know it was nearly 11 hours - making it seem like it was shorter was all part of the game. “Now where were we?” I ask, grabbing your face again and lifting it up roughly. “Oh yes, who….is your father?”

11:21 Austin_Carson: My sense of time began to completely dissolve. I was totally exhausted, the relentless onslaught of sound, heat, light, and pain continued to tear me down. Slowly, I became aware that I was starting to get a burn… the lights… uv… the dried blood and sweat began to itch on my searing wounds. Once, in the long interminable period, I screamed, breaking briefly, the need to itch driving me out of my mind. Then I slumped, exhausted. My mouth started to crack and dry out. I stopped sweating. I hung there, in utter misery. I couldn’t even sleep, the sound and light made it impossible. When was it going to end… when… I can’t go on. Then, you come in as if nothing had happened. How long were you away? An hour? More? Less? I looked at you dumbly, my vision blurry. You picked up the prod again. No… no no. I flinched away from it. You grabbed my face and asked me who my father was.

11:21 Austin_Carson: Why shouldn’t I tell him? I couldn’t remember why. It wasn’t important, was it? But… what about… what about… Alex! That’s right. Suddenly, my foggy brain latched onto one fact, one certainty. I was going to stand in front of Alex and my Dad, and get my commission. I muttered hoarsely, somehow, somewhere, finding some dregs of resolve left. “Fuck…. … you…”

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: I drop your face and put two hands on the prod, turning to the side and driving the prod deep into your ribcage, the electricity off as I pound the round end straight into your ab bricks. Then I keep it pressed in and jolt for 10 seconds, letting the electricity coarse through you. Suddenly then, I turn it off, letting the prod fall to the ground as I unleash aa flurry of strikes. A left hook, right uppercut to your jaw, two jabs to your left eye, two jabs to the right, then a right knee up into your balls, driving them up into your body before stepping back from you and sending a roundhouse kick to your head, unconcerned if I knock you out or not.

11:21 Austin_Carson: I pay for that defiance. That prod drives straight into my abs, driving deep through the weakened muscle, and unleashing a burning, fiery hell right in my guts. My body spasms uncontrollably. I feel my gorge rising, and suddenly a savage series of blows drive into my body, a hook, a massive uppercut to my jaw, sending out a wad of blood, two more jabs to my left eye, then my right, breaking the skin, more blood pouring down my face. I convulse violently, then a knee smashes deep up into my nuts. My body feels broken all over, I shut down from sheer pain, and I start to vomit a mixture of bile and stomach acid, spraying all across the room when a savage kick smashes into my jaw mid-vomit, and my eyes roll back in my head, and I start to convulse, unconscious.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: Your vomit hits my pants as I move to the side to avoid some of it, the kick rocking you out, dangling in the chains, spasming. I move to you quickly, protocol to make sure you are not in a life threatening situation as the lights in the room turn on and two medics come busting through the door. I work the chains on your body to free you as the two men help me pick you up and lay you down on the table. I step back and let them do their work, full fear coming to me that I may have taken it too far. The boy who was a little brother to me, his father was...my father... all of a sudden needing to fight for control of his body because of what I’d done. I walked toward the wall and threw a punch at it, furious at myself for not being more careful only to nearly break my fingers in the process, the pain radiating through and smarting me fully as I growled audibly. The few moments were intense as they finally stepped back and nodded that you were OK and I took a breath of relief.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: I hesitated at that moment. Could I keep this up on you. I had gone far enough, I thought to myself. But then duty shouted at me and I knew I needed to continue. As the medics left, I said a prayer that you would show mercy on yourself for I couldn’t show mercy in this moment, as much as I wanted to. I secured you to the table, leather straps from each corner. Above surgical style lights came down from the ceiling with the press of a button, lighting up the area bright, the metal of the table reflecting the light off the walls. As you started to come to, I mounted your body on the table, looking down into your face and again grabbing your chin. “Welcome back to the world of the living. At least for a little while longer. Now, my question has been simple and it needs an answer. “Who is your father?”

11:21 Austin_Carson: I’m drifting through a nightmare, my unconscious mind not giving me any respite from the pain, simply shutting off my awareness of the outside world. When awareness finally returns, you grab my chin, and I find that I’m mounted on a table, strapped down hard with leather straps. You look down into my eyes, and you ask me who my father is. This has to stop at some point… c’mon Austin.. Don’t let Alex down… don’t let your Dad down. Prove to them. Man up. What I want to do is tell you my dad’s name. What I want is for all this to stop. My resolve, my will are worn down to a bare thread. I’m losing control, I feel like my whole body is one big wound. But what I do is look up at you, my eyes bruised and swollen, blood in my eyes, swelling making it hard to see. What I do is say, weakly, but with firm determination. “Fuck you.”

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: As you defiantly curse back at me, I bring both hands down onto your sweaty head and press down onto your face, my fingers leaving marks on your cheek and jaw as I squeeze, positioning my thumbs over both of your eyes and pressing down. Not so hard as to pop them or do significant harm (what good would that do!) but enough to put pressure onto the optic nerve and make you feel the discomfort and pain of it. “Tell me Initiate, or you won’t see your father again!” I growl.

11:21 Austin_Carson: You take a firm claw like grip on my face, and those thumbs start pressing down onto my eyelids. Little stabbing bolts of pain shoot through my head, on top of everything else. A primal fear… a fear of damage to my eyes wells up inside me. But I know.. That the goal of this is not to injure me permanently. I know that.. But the fear is sharp. I lay there, moaning in pain, thrashing my body back and forth. I can stop this… so easily… just answer his question… NOOOOOO

11:21 Captain_Alex_Jennings: “Look at him go, he is a fuckin champ this kid,” Aaron Davis remarked aloud, clapping as my pride welled up inside, seeing the acknowledgement from one of the toughest active CCS agents. I watched Nick as he continued to hold on for the 30 second allotted limit before pulling back away from Austin’s head. Then Nick reached up with his muscled arm and pulled a rope that was dangling over his head, next to the lights shining down on them. A pour of water started to run down over Austin’s head as Nick kept him pinned down, looking to drive fear and despair into Austin’s mind as he kept Austin’s faced up, the water raining down into his open mouth and nose, keeping the pressure up and on.

11:21 Austin_Carson: Finally, the pressure on my eyes lets up. I don’t know how much longer I could have taken it. I moan in agony, gasping, then suddenly in between one breath and another, my mouth and nose fills up with water. I thrash wildly, I can’t breathe… I choke, and gasp, caught off guard. I thrash wildly, knowing that I have to stay calm, but unable to. Too worn down, to beaten, my control slipping, spots in front of my eyes as I choke and gasp on the water. Breaking me down… my will to resist being overwhelmed by a flood of fear and panic and the need to breathe.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: Austin bucks wildly underneath me and I lower my center of gravity to keep the mount securely on his naked, sweat and water slickened body. The water slowly stops as i slide my knee up and inside Austin’s legs, putting it down on top of Austin’s manhood, pinning his balls down to the metal table and starting to put my full weight onto them. “Who is your father, initiate!” I shout at him, looking to be as loud or louder than the scream i expect to get from his lips.

11:21 Austin_Carson: I’m barely aware as you slide over on top of me, until your knee pins my balls down to the table. The water finally trickles to a stop as I gasp out, choking, and convulsing, clearing enough water from my lungs to take a breath. Only to suddenly deal with the agony of my nuts getting mashed into the table. I shudder violently, I’d vomit again, but my guts are emptied out already, nothing but some bile comes up. You shout your question at me again, and I scream out, a harsh, naked, scream. The pain builds and builds in my battered nuts, compounding with everything else I’ve endured, the lack of sleep, the physical abuse, the heat, the light, the burns on my skin, the desperate panic, the need to breathe. I can’t… can’t take anymore.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: I feel like Austin’s on the verge of submitting and while I don’t want that to happen, I also do want it to happen. The playbook doesn’t get any prettier from here and I knew just how far he’d already come. Nonetheless I reached up again, keeping the pressure on his manhood and pulling the water rope again, letting water spill down onto his face as he screamed, making him deal with both challenges for a good 30 seconds before finally letting up on his body, the water slowly trickling to a stop. “You think this is hell, initiate!?!?!” I scream at him. “It’s just the beginning. NOW SAY IT! WHO IS YOUR FATHER?”

11:21 Austin_Carson: The pressure continues on my balls, the pain is growing, building, the subsequent waves of nut crushing agony reinforcing each other over and over. It’s tearing me apart, building to greater and greater intensity as time rolls on. Then, you pour more water on my face, and the panic explodes again, can’t breathe… have to breathe… You scream at me… Suddenly… I can’t take it anymore. I can’t. I want to… I need to… but I’m not strong enough to take this anymore. I try to whimper through the water and the pain, not even sure if I’m intelligible or not, “chrhhhrrisss. Cars.ssssoonnn” I feel the sense of failure and shame washing through me. This was it. I had failed. My confidence lay shattered. I thought I was strong. Thought I was tough. I had been wrong.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: As Austin gives up the information finally, I feel a sense of relief wash over me. I pulled my leg up off of his balls as quickly as I could, sliding off the side of the table to stand up. I moved quickly around the table to unfasten Austin’s restrained body, then grabbed his tarm and picked his upper body up, embracing it in a thick bear hug, muscle on muscle as the session was finally over. I had mad respect for Austin already but having survived this long into the torture session was rare. It was the longest session I’d ever had to administer and I was almost as glad as Austin that it was over. “It’s alright Austin, it’s over.” I whispered in his ear as I cupped his head into my thick muscle pecs.

11:21 Captain_Alex_Jennings: I watched the sequence of water boarding and manhood abuse in awe, not sure that I’d seen another agent make it this far into a session. The agents in the room erupted with applause as Austin’s defiance led to additional punishment. If only Austin could see it. Even I had tapped out after the first waterboarding, which was also the time when Commander Carson had also tapped out. I stood up quickly and headed for the exit, wanting to be there when the two exited the interrogation room.

11:21 Austin_Carson: At last… at long last, the water stops, and the pressure on my nuts is removed. I just lay there at first, unable and unwilling to move. Not ready to face my failure. You pick me up off the table suddenly, all the straps are removed. You hold me tightly against you. I almost flinch, expecting more torture, and was totally taken off guard when what I got was warmth and comfort. Everything still hurt, but it was over. I had failed. A part of me wanted to break down and cry. I hadn’t been tough enough. I had wanted to pass, I hadn’t wanted to break, but I had anyways. Despite everything I tried, I wasn’t strong enough. I couldn’t look at Nick, but I appreciated the comfort and closeness. I felt this was the Nick I had grown up with. I had a new respect for what was required to be in the CCS.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: After a long embrace, I pulled back from Austin to gauge his reaction. What every CCS agent didn’t know going into this was that they weren’t going to outlast the torture ceremony. It wasn’t about not breaking, it was about how long. And what would happen next.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: I grabbed Austin’s head and pointed it up to look at me. “You did well, initiate. But you broke. And now, the enemy knows who your father is. They have leverage and power that they didn’t have before - because of your weakness. Do you believe you are really ready for this?”

11:21 Austin_Carson: I just let myself go, falling deep into the embrace, it’s over. It’s all over. Not thinking for the moment. Then, after a timeless moment, when I feel somewhat more myself, I face the bitter taste of my failure. You grab my head, and look into my eyes, laying out the situation. At first I feel shame as the truth bites deep, but then, I wonder… is this is way of offering me a second chance? I speak up then, my eyes shining with a renewed hope. Maybe I can try again… Maybe I can still prove that I’m strong enough! I want this so bad.. So very bad. This time, I won’t break. I know it. I speak up, my voice trembling with weariness and pain, but underlayed with a steel-hard determination. “Can I try again? Test me again. I won’t be weak this time. I swear. I won’t break again. I’ll take this test as many times as it takes until I pass. I can learn from my failures. I can do better next time.”

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: My eyes narrow. This test was all about the mental game. Did I break the initiate mentally as well as physically. All recruits failed the physical portion. But once they were broken physically, what was their mental state.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: I let go of your head and turn my back on you, walking toward the door. “I’m sorry, initiate. That isn’t possible. You were selfish and gave into the pain. There are enemies out there now who are going to exploit the information you gave. Just that one bit of information and now….your father will be compromised. I will be compromised. The CCS and all of our agents will be compromised. Your journey is over.” With that, I open the door and step outside, leaving you to your thoughts.

11:21 Austin_Carson: Your words were crystal clear. No second chances. I wasn’t good enough to join the CCS. I felt crushed. Completely crushed, rejected, and angry. I sat down on the edge of the table I had last been tortured at. I held my head in my hands. It hurt so much, to have come so close, but to have failed. I take a deep breath. This was the first challenge in my life I’d never had a chance to try again. When I was lifting, if I failed a lift, I just tried again, harder, with more determination next time. And I fucking got there. When I sparred, when I trained, if I got tapped, then I learned from my mistake, and next time, I did better, and got the win. But sometimes… as I was learning, you don’t get a second chance. Now what? I sighed deeply, feeling my future plans start to dissolve. But… I looked deep inside myself, forced myself to examine my performance under torture. And I asked myself one question, had I done the best I could? Had I tried as hard as I could? I knew the answer. It’s how I approached every situation. I had.

11:21 Austin_Carson: Then, there was nothing for it. I’d have to carry this wound, this failure to live up to the heroes I’d grown up with for the rest of my life, but my life wasn’t over. Well, time to go face the music. I stood up, threw my shoulders back, determined to face whatever happened next like a man, proud to know he’s done the very best he could, even if it wasn’t good enough. I walked straight and tall, every step was painful, but after what I had just endured, I ignored it, as I had learned to ignore the pain radiating from all over my concussed, beaten up body. I knocked on the door leaving the room.

11:21 CaptainNickWilson: After exiting the room, Alex was there. I smiled at him and he smiled back, holding his hand out. “Good work, Nick,” he said to me as I took his hand. “We’ve got a hell of a recruit in that room.” I replied. “I’m going to go clean up and see you guys upstairs.”

11:21 Captain_Alex_Jennings: I nodded at Nick and moved to the door, hearing the knock. I opened the door and looked into Austin’s face. “Austin, what happened?”

11:21 Austin_Carson: I was surprised to see Alex at the door, instead of Nick. I knew I’d have to face Alex eventually, but I’d hoped to have been able to compose myself more first. I felt as though I’d betrayed him, betrayed all the effort and attention he’d devoted on me over all those years, training me up. I couldn’t keep the pain and hurt out of my expression, but I answered as directly and honestly as I could, “I’m sorry Alex, I failed. I’ve let you down, and I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to make it up to you. All I can say is I did the best I could, and given the chance, I’d do it again, and do better. But I guess I learned today that sometimes we don’t get second chances. Now I guess I need to decide what I’m going to do next, since the CCS is no longer an option. Nick made that clear.”

11:21 Captain_Alex_Jennings: I kept my face straight as Austin apologized for his brilliant performance. He was definitely struggling with the situation and it was my pleasure to be able to finally relieve that struggle. Slowly my face softened. “I’ll tell you what happened, Austin. You just crushed phase one of the CCS exam.” I moved toward Austin and embraced him in a big bear hug, clapping your naked back with my strong hands. “Nick was not wrong that your journey was over. But it was over in a good way, not a bad way.” I let go of you so I could see your face again. “You did amazing, Austin. This test will break any man, it’s just a matter of time. And you put in one of the best performances I’ve seen. Better than my performance. Better than your dad’s too.”

11:21 Austin_Carson: I looked at Alex with a sudden expression of utter disbelief, quickly followed in rapid succession by hope, then joy. Alex pulls me in tight for a bearhug, I’m in such shock at hearing the news that I didn’t fail that I don’t even notice how much everything still hurts. I’m speechless as Alex breaks off the hug to look me right in the eyes. I finally manage to stutter out, “You .. mean? This test isn’t meant to be ‘passed’? I made it? I actually lasted longer than my dad? Than… you?” I found it hard to realize that I’d just beaten my Dad and Alex, two men I looked up to as real-life heroes, at enduring torture. My head was spinning, and suddenly started grinning like an idiot, whispering, “Fuck me. I don’t believe it.”

11:21 Captain_Alex_Jennings: “You did amazing, Austin!” I say with more encouragement, again pulling you back in and giving you a huge hug. “You passed the test with flying colors. I’m so proud of the man you’ve become. But the test is not over. This was only the first part. You can still fall short so don’t take your eye off the prize. You’ll need your full faculties about you so you’ll have one month to recover and prepare. Come on now, go get your clothes and let’s go upstairs and celebrate. Maybe rub it in your dad’s face a little.”

11:21 Austin_Carson: I’m still in a bit of shock, not just the realization that I totally nailed this trial, but my body has been writing checks for a while… and now they are getting cashed in. I stumble next to Alex, hurting all over, deep exhaustion starting to set in, but determined to enter the celebration ramrod straight and proud as hell.

11:21 Captain_Alex_Jennings: I wrapped an arm around Austin and helped him down the hall and up the stairs, helping less and less until he was good to go himself before opening the door into the main hall. I let him lead the way out as a round of applause hit him square in the face when he appeared, hooting and hollering from the 50 or so agents who were there to greet him. I stayed behind as I watched him take the spotlight, wading through the CCS men who had also gone through the trial and not as successfully. Finally at the end of the line was Chris, who embraced his son with a big bear hug, whispering something in his ear as he looked over Austin’s shoulder right into my eyes. I could see the relief in Chris’ face, masked by happiness but it was clear he was concerned Austin would not be ready.

11:21 Austin_Carson: I caught the look in my Dad’s eye. I knew he thought, despite everything that I still wasn’t quite ready. I think it was time to remind my dad that I was a man now. When I celebrated later on, I was going to make sure and ask my Dad how long he had lasted in the torture trial. I won’t even have to mention how long I lasted. He knows. He’ll learn to let go.

11:21 Captain_Alex_Jennings: It was about 10PM and there was a reception that led to some drinking and antics. Normally I’d put a squash on that kind of stuff but celebration was in order and Austin needed to unwind a bit. Bonding with the other agents was important and right now he was the star of the show. I faded into the shadows, wanting him to live in the moment with them.

Published: 2020-11-18, viewed 56 times.