Agents Universe

Read this first: SAVING KYLE ( https://mars.chatfighters.com/book/216 )

The events of this story begins three weeks after AFTERMATH - SAVING KYLE PART 12 (https://mars.chatfighters.com/story/51116)

12:26 AgentJamesMason: I wave goodbye to Kyle as he sits down in the spacious, brightly lit, airy lobby of the tall Skyscraper that housed offices for MI6 in downtown London, as I step into the lift. It had been about three weeks since he and I escaped together from the Syndicate base outside Des Moines. I will remember, for the rest of my life, that special moment we shared in the hospital room in Des Moines where Kyle and Tim had agreed to come live with me in London. I had used my influence within MI6 to secure visas for both Kyle and Tim. But that is not to say that everything was roses and sunlight. The consequences of both Kyle and Tim’s torture were severe, and to be fair, I hadn’t escaped unscathed. Kyle’s savage brainwashing was slowly being undone, but it had been hard and painful for all of us, and it had required tremendous amounts of patience and love, and expert help to begin the healing process. But…. There were other consequences of my time in America. I had gone rogue, deliberately cut myself off from the chain of command in order to save the man I loved. And in the process, two Syndicate bases had been destroyed, and another allied agent, Jack Young had been taken prisoner. That still weighed heavily, heavily on my heart. Not to mention the nightmares of my own torture and capture, the occasional cold sweats that would hit me out of nowhere as my body remembered the torture, the shocks, the salt, and the days when I felt so burdened by guilt and shame for having failed to save Kyle sooner that it took every ounce of energy I had to function. I had been given six weeks of leave after my ordeal, but now that leave was up. And I had to face the consequences. Commander Ronald Craig had summoned me here, on my first day back to work. His reputation was fearsome, he brooked no bull shit, and he didn’t fuck around.

12:26 AgentJamesMason: I had brought Kyle along with me for a couple of reasons, for moral support, I was nervous as hell about the interview with Ronald, and because it was good for him to get out and see some of the city, we had plans to meet Tim for lunch after the interview. And, because it was hard for us to be separated for long. The trauma of Minneapolis and Des Moines still weighed heavily on us, and I wanted to be nearby if Kyle needed me, if he had another attack, another flashback to the horrors he had endured. And yet, I know that in the end, it had not been me who had saved Kyle… but the very man who had tortured, brainwashed, and imprisoned him…. Commando Ivan Usov. That paradox, the love between Kyle and Ivan stunned me still. And…. it didn’t make me jealous…. It filled me instead with a kind of wonder. For in the end, it had been Kyle and Ivan’s love as much as Kyle and my love that had saved us all. And then, the lift pinged, and I stepped out. I was sweating, from nerves more than anything, and checked the cuffs of my simple, clean white business shirt once or twice. I was wearing simple black suit trousers, and simple dress shoes. I liked to dress simply when I could.

12:26 AgentJamesMason: I didn’t know what would be in store for me, but whatever the consequences of my actions, I would face them. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I would fight through entire armies and battle my way across the world and back again for Kyle. It was that simple. I waited in the small reception area, as the receptionist informed the Commander that I was here. I stood quiet, calm, hiding the nervousness within. Finally the receptionist signalled me to enter. And so, I walked into the dragon’s lair to face my superior. His office was simple, as I entered and shut the door behind me. Almost empty. Just a desk, a laptop, and a phone. Nothing on the walls, except a clock. He stood with his back to me, hands clasped looking out the window, as if I wasn’t even there. I stood patiently, at attention, my back held straight and waited. And waited. And waited. Fuck. He was really going to roast me alive. I wondered… If this was the end of my career.

12:26 Commander_Ronald_Craig: I stood looking out the window over London. I had spent the morning reading the detailed report on the Minneapolis affair and the mission to rescue Kyle. Mason had acted recklessly. With tremendous luck on his side, it had only just managed not to be a total disaster. Despite the fact that I both liked and respected the man enormously, Mason should be fired. Mason should be put into forced retirement. Mason was a danger to all of MI6… if he had broken… But… it wasn’t that simple. It never was.

12:26 Commander_Ronald_Craig: Finally, I turned to face James. He stood at attention, heavily muscled, and looking straight ahead, his arms clasped behind his back. I walked around him slowly, carefully, examining every inch of his body. Then, when I spoke, it was in a cold, hard voice, full of barely suppressed rage, but quiet. So quiet that you had to strain to hear my words. “GIVE ME ONE REASON… JUST ONE REASON WHY I SHOULDN’T FIRE YOUR FUCKING ASS THIS INSANT, MASON!”

12:26 AgentJamesMason: Finally, finally, Ronald moves. He circles me, inspecting me, making me feel like some kind of insect under a microscope. And when he speaks, his words are thunderous, even though he’s barely speaking above a whisper. I swallow. I don’t answer. This isn’t the kind of question you can answer. I stare straight ahead, my future in his hands.

12:26 Commander_Ronald_Craig: He doesn’t answer. Of course he doesn’t. I go on, “Your behaviour was insubordinate. Your behaviour bordered on treason to the crown. You were reckless, you endangered not only your own life, but the life of Masterson and countless others. And yet you have nothing to say for yourself? Nothing at all?”

12:26 AgentJamesMason: What could I say? What was there to say? Then…. I spoke… “Sir, me and Inspector Byrne fought side by side. During our time in the warehouse, he saved my life. How could I abandon him to death and torture? The day we treat our allies and brothers in arms as expendable, is the day the Syndicate wins.”

12:26 Commander_Ronald_Craig: And then, he answered, and the answer he gave pierced right through all my arguments. Fuck me. Mason. I turned away, I didn’t want him to see my face. This was about me making him feel like shit, not about that traitorous bastard turning the tables on the conversation. I may be jaded, and hardened, but I had read the report. And Mason had held nothing back. What he had achieved had been remarkable. And the fallout… was actually precisely what MI6 needed. I spoke then, in a more conversational tone, “Tell me Mason, how is it possible that through your reckless, treasonous, disobedient actions, you have managed to A) Be involved in an action which has destroyed two Syndicate bases, and B) Healed relations with the Americans? The story of how MI6 risked his life to rescue an American detective, and destroyed two Syndicate bases in the process has apparently so impressed American authorities that they are more cooperative than they have been in years.” I sighed.

12:26 AgentJamesMason: I listened in astonishment at the sudden change in Ronald’s tone. I asked, quizzically, trying to make sense of what his words meant for my future, “Sir? I don’t understand Sir..”

12:26 Commander_Ronald_Craig: I sighed again, FUCK. Even if I wanted to fire Mason, I couldn't. Not after the tremendous positive publicity his heroic rescue of Kyle had created for us, and the good will with the Americans. I wanted to make him sweat… but the bastard had the strangest knack of somehow turning disobedience into a fucking virtue. FUCK ME. I sighed, “WHAT IT MEANS Mason, is that I’m not going to fire your ass despite how much you deserve to be fired. What it means, is that against all the odds, it turns out that your fucking disobedience has delivered us just what MI6 needed.” I shake my head, “If you were anyone else, i would fire your ass, regardless. We can’t have our agents thinking that disobedience is acceptable. But in your case…” I walk around him again, nodding, “ .. The only thing that has saved you is that I know you disobeyed not because you are a traitor or because you think you know better than our superiors… you disobeyed to save a comrade. I cannot fire you for that. That is all, dismissed.”

12:26 AgentJamesMason: I looked on in shock… Disbelief… He let me off… just like that? I … almost turned… but then remembered, “Sir, before I go… do I have permission to ask a question?”

12:26 Commander_Ronald_Craig: I twitched. I had let him off, then dismissed him, and he had the balls to ask me a question? You had to admire the man. I sighed again, “Yes, Mason, what is it?”

12:26 AgentJamesMason: “It’s about Inspector Kyle Byrne. Did you read the report on his contributions during the raid on the Syndicate warehouse? How he saved my life? How he handled himself with uncommon valor? How his brilliant investigative work narrowed down the location of the Syndicate operation? How he nearly cracked Usov during the interrogation? How he managed to keep his sanity after a week of intense torture and brainwashing at the hands of Derek Steel’s most skilled brainwasher, Usov?”

12:26 Commander_Ronald_Craig: What is Mason up to? I nodded impatiently, “Yes, of course. It was all in the report. He has tremendous talent and ability. So what? Want me to give him a medal? Get him knighted? Really Mason, get to the point or stop wasting my time.”

12:26 AgentJamesMason: I took a deep breath, “No sir, not a medal. A job. Sir, I’ve arranged visas for both Kyle and his Uncle Tim. It is my considered opinion that Kyle is just the sort of man we need here in MI6.” I waited patiently.

12:26 Commander_Ronald_Craig: I stood stock still for a moment. Mason had the biggest set of balls on any of my agents, that was sure. Now, after narrowly keeping his job, he wants me to give his boyfriend one too? I thought about it. The trouble was…. The trouble was… That bastard Mason was, as usual, right again. Kyle Byrne had proven his worth in a way that few other men ever could. But I wouldn’t make it easy for James. Oh no. Not this time. “I’ll consider it. When he has recovered from his ordeal, I will interview him. Then we will see if he is suitable AT THAT TIME and not before. Now, since you HAVE NO OTHER questions, you are now DISMISSED.”

12:26 AgentJamesMason: I saluted, “Yes, Sir.” I turned, and walked back out of Ronald’s office in a kind of daze… This … this was incredible. I started to smile as I entered the lift to return to the lobby. I couldn’t wait to tell Kyle the good news!

12:26 Inspector_Kyle_Byrne: I gave James an encouraging smile as he left me alone in the lobby. This was going to be hard for him, and it was the least I can do for him. He not only risked his life, one of the most valuable minds in Counter-Terrorism Operations, but two other CSIS agents and also MI6 secrets. And for what? Just for a local inspector and his uncle. That was still an uncomfortable situation for me. One of the biggest humiliations that a person can experience in life. I mean, I would have done the same if he was captured, but my life is nothing compared to his. I would gladly sacrifice myself for James. And now he is in there, in another lair of another dragon, fighting for his career. Because of me… I would never forgive myself for that even if I manage to heal from the brainwashing completely. But James has never left me alone during this process. Since we came to London, he has taken care of me and my uncle carefully and tenderly. It was really hard and harsh, Not only for Tim and me, but for Mason as well. it still is, but at least it was much easier. Killing my best friend, seeing my uncle’s torture and rape, learning he is also addicted to the drug B, the fear of losing James, the fact that Ivan and I seperated, and now James is also facing nightmares because of me. It was all hell. My therapist has been focusing on these points generally. Thankfully, I was feeling much more confident, and especially much more like me compared to the past indeed.

12:26 Inspector_Kyle_Byrne: Yet still, it was not over. I was still seeing nightmares as well. I was trying my best to hide all my conflicts from James, but we learned more about each other as time passed, so it was getting harder to hide something from each other. The nightmares, the panic attacks that my therapist says are temporary, and the ambivalence. We started with Xavier, defining him as my “first” breaking point. That was probably the hardest one, because Xavier is not with us anymore. James and Tim are here with me at least. But Xavier? He was gone. I didn’t even have a chance to apologize. I was going to carry that burden the rest of my life. I may be “forced” to kill him, but still, I can’t change the facts. Then Tim… He was getting better and better thank god, but still, his lifestyle has changed during the last couple of months. He was going to a drug addiction treatment center regularly. It was actually a miracle. He was one of the first examples of someone who was “almost” cured from drug B addiction. At least this was helping MI6, CCS, and CSIS’s reputation. Then James… I don’t know how to thank him, how to please him… If it weren’t for him, I would be gone. Physically, I would be in the same body, but my mind and my soul wouldn’t belong to me anymore. And he risked everything… Everything… Oh James… It was “his” love that softened Ivan in the first place. Even if I serve him until the end of my life, I can’t pay him enough. I actually have an idea how to make it up to him and Jeff, but I can’t mention it yet… Yes Jeff and Jack… At the end of the day, they saved a local detective, and lost a CSIS agent. Not the best trade for sure. I mean, the four of us forced the Syndicate to destroy two of their bases, but it was still not enough. I met Jeff properly after I was rescued, but I can’t look into his eyes. I just can’t… That is so hard. But I swore an oath. I was going to help them. No matter what happens.

12:26 Inspector_Kyle_Byrne: There was just one simple thing that hasn't changed since my rescue. Ivan… My therapist said it is a typical symptom of Stockholm Syndrome, but the more time passed, the more we, or maybe just I, realized it wasn’t. I… I can’t stop loving him… I should hate him. I need to hate him. He made me kill my best friend, helped Daniel to capture my James despite my perfect plan, he kidnapped my uncle, tortured him savagely and drugged him. And the most important one… He is my enemy. We are on opposite sides. Maybe we wouldn’t be if I hadn’t been rescued. But now we are… I should forget him… I need to forget him. But I can’t The way he treated and cared me after I tried to kill myself, and how much he cried when he let me go… I just can’t forget that. He was sincere. He opened his heart. That was so twisted. I can’t stop loving him. And another fucked-up part of this situation was that James is aware of that too. He doesn’t accuse me or blame me. He acts very understanding, but… I can’t stop thinking about it. Oh James, how am I going to make it up to him? Will my idea be enough? I don’t know…

12:26 AgentJamesMason: When the lift reached the lobby, I stepped out, and strode over towards Kyle with a huge smile, my eyes were flashing with joy, and I felt like a new day. I’d been dreading this interview for a while, but now it was past. I swept in towards Kyle, and wrapped him up in my hard, powerful arms, my biceps thick and bulging, pulling him literally off his feet into a bearhug, and spinning around once, then leaned in, and before he could speak, tilted my head and kissed him with excitement and delight, holding his handsome body up tightly against mine, cradling this beautiful man against the hard, solid power of my muscled torso, my beard scratching him gently as I kissed him. Everyone else in the lobby was staring at me as though I had gone crazy, but I ignored their stares. When I broke off the kiss, I hugged him tightly for a few more moments, then whispered into his ear. “Guess what Kyle… Not only do I still have a job… but apparently, the Americans were so impressed by the entire affair that they are cooperating with our government again. Would you believe it? And…” I grin mischievously, “... Commander Ronald Craig would like to interview you when you are ready… He agrees with me that you have the talents and skills that MI6 needs.”

12:26 Inspector_Kyle_Byrne: Suddenly, while I was lost in my own thoughts, James came up to me with a huge smile on his face with sparkling eyes. I smile back at him and get up. It wasn't hard to understand what happened even without his gestures and words. I sigh deeply as James sweeps me off from my feet, pulling me into a tight hug, I wrap my arms around his neck, sharing his joy. I was vicariously happy. I was also very grateful I didn't become the reason why he lost his job. Then he kisses me, and I rub his cheeks with my thumbs. God he is so happy… James's happiness is my happiness indeed, I realized it today once more. Then he hugged me back one more time, and whispered to my ear, telling me he got his job and the diplomatic relations between the USA and UK have improved. This was all amazing news. But then, he said Ronald Craig wants to meet me once I healed up. I pull myself back just a little bit, but still holding his neck, and looking into James' amazing eyes. "James… All of this is perfect news... You have no idea how happy I am for you, maybe more than you, believe me… But… Are you sure about this interview?" I gulp, and take a deep breath "I know you mentioned MI6 is a perfect place for me a couple of times, but… I was about to be the reason why MI6 lost his best agent and its secrets were exposed… Do you really think it is somewhere that suits me? How do you expect them to look at me the way they look at their employees?"

12:26 AgentJamesMason: I put Kyle back down, and smiled warmly at him. I gesture at Kyle to come with me as we leave the lobby and walk towards the Underground station for our lunchtime meeting with Tim. I had a special surprise in store for our lunch today. I had told Tim to meet us outside the Sky Garden tower, on Fenchurch street, he was in on the surprise, but Kyle wasn’t. It was a warm sunny, early spring day here in London. The sky was blue, and the city was crowded with tourists and office workers heading out for lunch. The street was filled with the hubbub of a bustling city. As we walked, I answered Kyle’s concerns. “Kyle, do you realize what you are saying? You risked your life for me when you arranged for me to leave Minneapolis rather than attend the interrogation. If Ivan had gotten his hands on me during that interrogation…. It could have been bad, Kyle. Then, you saved my life twice during the fight in the Warehouse. Hell, you FOUND the warehouse, you knew that it was the center of the B drug dealing while no one else had a clue. Of course MI6 is interested in you!” I headed down the stairs into the Underground station, as Kyle followed me. I knew that Kyle’s confidence still hadn’t recovered, and that he still doubted himself. I had all the time and patience and love in the world for my strong, handsome Kyle. I knew he would regain his confidence in time. In fact, this afternoon, after lunch, we had our first session with the therapist.

12:26 AgentJamesMason: But first, we would enjoy an amazing lunch with Kyle’s grumpy old Uncle Tim. We walked through the turnstiles, and caught a train to Monument station. The train was crowded, and we had to stand close to each other, and my chin was nearly resting on Kyle’s shoulder. I took several deep breaths, delighting in Kyle’s smell. I was so grateful, so unbelievably grateful for every moment I was gifted to share with him, after the ordeal we had both gone through I treasured each and every moment with him. The train rumbled to a stop, and we got off the station, and walked a few blocks through the warm, sunny weather, the streets filled with the hustle and bustle of the lunch rush. And there, in front of the imposing and majestic Sky Garden tower, stood Tim Byrne. I smiled and waved at him as we walked up. You are not logged in.

12:26 Inspector_Kyle_Byrne: James doesn't answer my question immediately. He just gestures to me to follow him, and I obey. Yes, we were going to meet with my uncle, and I was so sure that it would be amazing. As we step to the road, James comforts me, once again, reminding me I rescued his life twice. I smile and just nod at his words, hold his hand tighter. This was just amazing. This feeling, this sensation. And even with his own problems, he is there for me, as always. We managed to catch a train just in time, and I chuckled as James almost rested his chin on my shoulder. With a dumb smile on my face, I reach to his cheek, and stroke it gently during the journey. Sometimes you don't need to say anything. Sometimes just being there is enough to express your emotions. And James was always reminding me of this, over and over again. I can definitely understand why James finds those moments really special and rare… Cause they really are… After arriving at our stop, we got outside and started walking to the Sky Garden Tower, an impressive product of architecture for sure. And there he was, my uncle. I laugh as James waves at him, and he just sulks. I lean into James's ear and mumble "Oh I know that look… Watch out for yourself, sometimes my uncle's words can be deadlier than the Syndicate…" Oh yes, grumpy mode on. I can definitively tell.

12:26 Tim_Byrne: Fuck… Where are they? They should have been here 9 minutes ago. I wait impatiently for Kyle and James to arrive. After we came to London, I started out living with them, but that was just for two weeks. I was looking for someone specific, and my days passed between the Drug Treatment Center and the streets of London, different locations, different addresses where Oscar sent his letters from. I usually came home late at night, and woke up very early spending each day searching for him. And of course, neither James or Kyle could stop me. I can take care of myself, geez. And after two weeks, I found him… Oscar… Wow… 17 years… 17 years that felt like an eternity. But the wait was finally finished. And he had so many explanations as well. When I found him, it wasn't the right time. I only just learned that the reason why he left all of a sudden is because of his brother's son, just like the relationship between me and Kyle. However, there was one big difference. After losing his mother, the boy apparently had been devastated, it had caused so much trouble for him. He never stayed in London very much, he traveled all over the world. That explains why I never managed to find him. There was no response to my letters. It was a sheer coincidence that I found him in London. But he didn't tell me why he never tried to reach me… But he was going to, he had promised me.

12:26 Tim_Byrne: AHHH… Here they are. Finally! James waves at me and Kyle whispers something into his ear while giggling. As they slowly approach me, I grunt "Glad you could make it slow pokes… Urgh… Are you sure one of you is the most successful agent in the world and the other is an amazing investigator? Even an old man like me is faster than both of you…" Then I smirk mischievously, remembering the surprise James had prepared for Kyle, but my smile fades away all of a sudden, and I step inside without waiting for them. "Come on… I am hungry… Let's get inside… Don't make me wait for another 10 minutes please… Geez…"

12:26 AgentJamesMason: I can’t help it, when Kyle whispers into my ear, I burst out laughing, even as Kyle’s grumpy old Uncle began castigating us for being late. I grinned and followed after him, with Kyle at my side. There is a nice cafe on the ground floor, but that’s not where we are headed today. Oh no. I wink at Tim, looking at Kyle’s confusion as we walk right by the cafe, and head to a bank of lifts. I step in, and press the button, and suddenly the lift takes us all the way up and up and up to the very top of the tower. I chuckle, “Now, Kyle, I know that we both usually like simple, neighborhood pubs with good, honest food, but …. Sometimes, I mean well..” It was clear I looked a little embarrassed, “I mean, today is a very special occasion, so it’s okay to splash out a little bit. I hope you’ll like it.” I had taken a huge gamble arranging this lunch and Kyle’s accompanying surprise, I mean, I might not have even had my job after this morning. But well, taking risks was what I did. And I wanted to do something special for Kyle and his Uncle. The lift stopped at the top of the tower, and the door opened, onto one of the most spectacular restaurants in all of London, the famous Sky Garden, with panoramic views of the entire city, and a waiting list for reservations requiring you to book months in advance, but well, I had my contacts in MI6, and I had managed to get something much, much sooner. I whisper in Kyle’s ear, “Maybe not quite as nice as the hotel you arranged for me in Minneapolis, but not bad, is it?” You are not logged in.

12:26 AgentJamesMason: As soon as we step forward, walking through the lush garden, green and beautiful that adorned the top of the tower, a well-dressed waiter stepped up, bowed, and showed us to a table near the window with a splendid view of the city skyline. He gave us menus, and bowed again, but, before he left, he placed a gift-wrapped package in front of Kyle. I smiled even wider. I wink again at grumpy Tim, then leaned over and looked into Kyle’s eyes. “Your Uncle helped me with this one Kyle, so in a way, it’s from both of us. I bet you will never guess what is in the package!” I lean back and smile, the sun dancing around us, my heavy, thickly muscled body filling out my simple shirt, showing off the power of my build, and my bearded face was an expression of simple joy and delight.

12:26 Inspector_Kyle_Byrne: I giggle with James as Tim greets us with his usual manners. Then we stepped inside, and there was a beautiful cafe there. But we didn’t sit down there, and instead, we walked to an elevator, and James pressed a button. Afterwards, he starts explaining to me what this is all about, but even he can’t speak properly which makes me grin, but my curiosity was increasing all the time. And finally, we arrived there, to the top of Sky Garden Tower. The view was absolutely breathtaking, and my eyes widened in amazement. Reminding me of Hank’s hotel, but this place is better than it for sure. I whisper back “Not bad? James Mason… You really know your deal, so don’t play the humble guy.” Then a waiter approaches us slowly, and shows us our table, and we sit down. This place looked pretty sophisticated and expensive as well. James is really something else, a perfectly unique guy. But somehow, it was not over. Suddenly, he placed a small package in front of me, and told me that it’s a gift both from himself and Tim. I quickly turned my gaze to him, he also had a weak, warm smile on his face. Then I turn to James, examine his handsome face just for a moment, and lean towards him, put a long deep kiss on his lips, then mumble into his mouth “Well… What I know for sure is that it can’t be a better gift than you James… You are my everything… I don’t know what I would do without you…” then I placed another kiss on his cheek turning to my present. I was really excited now, and like he said, I didn’t have an idea what it was. I carefully strip gift-wrapping, then open the box to understand what mystery waits for me.

12:26 AgentJamesMason: The best reward in the entire world was watching Kyle’s face light up with joy as he took in the incredible surroundings of this garden restaurant at the top of the city as he looked around. I felt my heart beating with so much joy. The only thing better was the surprise on his face as the waiter left his gift in front of him. Then, right there in the restaurant, he leaned forward and kissed me deeply. I started to blush fiercely, and felt myself begin to get an erection. My eyes opened wide, the touch and taste of Kyle excited me, he was so handsome, such an incredible man. I reached up to stroke his lightly bearded cheek as we kissed, his words went straight to my heart. I whispered back to Kyle as he broke off the kiss, my eyes were sparkling, I was reluctant to break off our kiss, “Oh Kyle… Seeing you happy… Healthy… healing every day… You don’t know what that means to me… You gave me the greatest gift in the world when you came to London with me.” Then, I sat back and watched as you opened your gift, tearing off the wrapping to open the lid of the box. And inside, were two brand-new, custom made dual pistols, not exactly the same as the ones that were now with Ivan, but as close and well-made as we could manage, and underneath them, was a membership card to an exclusive shooting range, where many MI6 and other law enforcement personnel went for their shooting practice. I leaned forward, reaching out to grab your hand, “I know we can never replace the pistols your Uncle made for you, but we both thought that you should have a new set, along with that membership. We don’t want you to get rusty.”

12:26 AgentJamesMason: I know the gift was emotional as well. It would very likely bring up memories of Ivan, but I was determined not to hide or avoid what had happened, but to go on with our lives, not trying to bury the pain of the past, while adding new memories of joy and hope for the future. I held Kyle’s hand tightly, and looked deep into his eyes, whispering, “I love you Kyle.”

12:26 Inspector_Kyle_Byrne: As I open the gift, my eyes widen in amazement. Two dual pistols, right in front of my eyes, very similar to the ones that my uncle gifted me. My jaw drops at first, then I replace it with a huge, wide smile. My eyes started to fill with tears of joy. James was an amazing man. He was just… He was just the person that everyone dreamt of, and he chose me. I can feel his hand holding mine tightly. I slowly look at James, and suddenly, pull him into a tight embrace. I can’t keep from shedding a few tears. “James… I… Thank you… And believe me… This is better than the previous ones… You know why? Because it’s not only my uncle’s gift now, it’s also yours. I… I…” I can’t talk for a moment, then go on “I love you James… I love you with my whole being…” I inhale his scent one more time, then deliver another long, deep kiss on his ear before I release him. Then my gaze turns to my uncle, and I chuckle “Thank you too Uncle… I don’t know how to express my gratitude.. You… Both of you are my best luck in this world.” I hold James’s hand tightly and put a kiss on his hand. I guess there is nothing in this world that love cannot beat. I look into Tim’s eyes deeply, but can’t help to laugh at the end of his sentence. “Anything for you Kyle… I am glad James suggested something like that to me as well… It’s not the same piece I did for you of course, but… I am glad you liked it… However, if you wanna really pay me back, I guess you can order me a great meal because “I AM HUNGRY”... Geez… Even Oscar and I aren’t that mushy mushy… Look at you… If I see you in the middle of the street, nobody could make me believe that you guys were agents...” I wrap my gift carefully once again, and place it on the side of the table, then tease my uncle by whispering into James’s ear, but I am loud enough for Tim to hear “Guess some people are always hesitant to make compliments… Let’s don’t push this old hunter, or he will kick our asses...”

12:26 AgentJamesMason: I hold Kyle’s hand so tightly, seeing the joy and gratitude shining in his eyes, reaching up with one finger to wipe away a tear as it slowly travels down his cheek. I listen with my whole being as Kyle thanks us both, and my whole being fills with love for Kyle, and for my new family, which includes Tim as well. I embrace my Kyle with warmth, strength, and tenderness. He is healing, and he will recover fully in time. I know he will. Moments like this are what make life worth all the pain and hardship. Kyle kisses my ear before finally sitting back and kissing my hand. I’m smiling so wide, feeling so happy just now. Another rare and precious moment to savor. Tim, in his good-natured grumpy way, reminds us that we are here for lunch. And just then, just as Kyle whispers in my ear, joking about Tim, my stomach suddenly rumbles loudly, causing some guests from the next table to turn and look at me. I blush bright, bright red, “Okay, the message has been received. My stomach apparently agrees with you Tim, so let’s order.” I laugh hard and long, finally recovering enough to look at my menu. I keep peeking over the top of the menu to make funny gestures with my eyes at Kyle, just to tease him. I know exactly what I want, when the waiter comes to ask for our orders, I order the fresh Salmon and new potatoes. Simple, but delicious. I chuckle as I speak up, “Don’t be shy Kyle, Tim. I arranged it so MI6 is paying for our meal, so order whatever you like and pretend not to notice the prices.”

12:26 Tim_Byrne: After I finish speaking and Kyle teases me, I almost hear an earthquake. What the fuck, is that James' stomach? Oh he is my kind of man for sure… He is going to be very glad when Kyle cooks for him. I grin mischievously, then snatch the menu from the waiter's hand "Took you long enough… Pfffvvv…" then I look at the menu, and burst into laughter as James says we don't need to worry about the prices, I lock my eyes with his. "Oh son… You are adorable… Do you really think I, Tim Byrne, would hesitate to select the best dish when he is invited here? No no no… I don’t fucking care, we only live once." Then I turn to the waiter with sparkling eyes, and give my order as if it were something to be proud of "New Season Lamb please… Fresh and filled with spices.'' Then I hand back the menu to him and watch the two love birds.

12:26 Inspector_Kyle_Byrne: As I finish speaking, James's stomach growls. Ahh… As always, I should have expected it. But the way he blushes and turns red was so adorable. I play with his hair gently, then nod. "Alright alright… Let's help fill both of your stomachs!" then I can't help but giggle as James does some funny gestures to entertain me. God, he is just an incredible man. I wink at him playfully in return, then focus on my menu. But I cringed as I heard my uncle, and now, it was my time to blush I guess. Oh god… He can be so rude sometimes. I gulp, then give James a weak smile. Yeah, this place "should" be expensive for sure. I take a deep breath, then look at the waiter "I will take the grilled chicken. Thank you very much." I hand him the menu, then hold James's hand again. Tilting my head to the side, I stare at my uncle playfully for a bit, then turn my attention to James "I don't know how to thank you James… But… Maybe I can make it up by making you a Sunday Roast sometime? How does that sound?" I grin playfully, his favorite meal should hit the spot. But compared to the things he has done for me, this was the least I could do.

12:26 AgentJamesMason: I grin at Kyle as he plays with my hair and teases me, then I pick up a glass of water, and nearly choke on my water as I hear Tim’s comment. I roll my eyes at Kyle, I can see how embarrassed he is at his Uncle’s lack of manners. But I think it is hilarious. Kyle is so cute when he blushes!!! Then, as the waiter walks off, I lean forward on the table, my hand holding Kyle’s tenderly. I listen as Kyle offers to cook a Sunday roast, and grin, “That’s a deal then, but make sure it’s an extra large roast, because I can eat half of one myself. And then… There's my brother, Sam. He’s just back from his recent mission in Africa with the SAS. He called me earlier today, and we had a long conversation. He’s excited to meet you. So, I invited him to come over next Sunday for a meal and the chance to meet the handsome young detective from Minneapolis that I told him so much about.” I bring Kyle’s hand up for a quick kiss, then turn to Tim, my eyes sparkling, “So, Tim, how are things going between you and Oscar?”

12:26 Inspector_Kyle_Byrne: My smile widens as James asks me to do an “extra large” meal since his brother is also going to join us. Yeah, Sam Mason. That was great news. I heard so much about him. He was around my age, as James mentioned to me the day we met, and he was coming back to London from a mission. I am pretty sure the reunion will be amazing. I look into your eyes as you kiss my hand “It will be my pleasure James… I can’t wait to meet with Sam. From the photos I remember, he was as handsome as you are, your younger version in a way.” I give him a wink, then turn my attention to uncle as James asks a question about him and Oscar. Yeah, he owes an explanation to us finally. At least how both of them are holding up together. I support James “Yeah uncle… How are you two holding up? Is Oscar still troubled about his nephew?”

12:26 Tim_Byrne: Oh look at James… The way he snorted while drinking water. Oh boy, he is definitely my kind of man. And it’s so fun to tease these two together. Then Kyle mentions how to pay James back with his talented cooking skills, and James agrees, adding that his brother is on his way home. I am so glad Kyle met someone like James. Somehow, it didn’t feel like there were just the two of us… No… There are others… Such as James, and… James asks me a question before I can think of his name. Yeah Oscar. I bite my lips, and lean a little bit towards James, eyeing Kyle at the same time. I clear my throat, and answer “Well… When I was imagining what the moment I found him would be like, it definitely wasn’t something like this… He has… Troubles with his nephew… He has an illness and Oscar has traveled around the world to find a cure for him. I mean the kid is already a troublemaker… A bad lifestyle, a typical punk I guess… But you can’t abandon your family.” I hold Kyle’s hand while saying this, but my eyes are piercing James “I’m sure you also know how it feels. He still doesn't tell me why he suddenly disappeared, I guess I need to spend a little more time with him to learn the truth, but… No matter what it is, I don’t care at the moment... “ I look at Kyle for a moment, then back to James with a sincere gaze. “You both helped me to learn something as well kids… Life is too short to question some things, and right now… I am just glad I am in his life… It’s all that matters… So to answer your question, It’s perfect son… It’s just perfect…” then I suddenly drop Kyle’s hand, as if I am trying to turn back to my normal self. My voice hardens and gets grumpier again “Well I mean… If you want me to answer as though we are just like you and Kyle… HELL NO… Geez… Look at both of you… Urgh… Both of you are like the couples in the advertisements.”

12:26 AgentJamesMason: I sit back, gently stroking the back of Kyle’s hand with my thumb, smiling as Kyle mentions how Sam is like a younger version of me. Then, I focus on Tim, amazing as that grumpy old man reaches out for Kyle’s hand, holding it as he speaks about Oscar. I can tell by the tone of his voice how much he loves and missed Oscar. I was so pleased that they were together. But at the last moment, as though he were ashamed of getting too mushy, he returned to his grumpy old self. “Like a couple from the advertisements?” I laugh, then sigh, “Well, I wish it were like that. But everyone has their challenges, Tim. Kyle and I as well. After lunch, Kyle and I are going to meet with one of MI6’s most accomplished therapists. It won’t be pleasant or easy, I’m sure. We’ll be revisiting some very painful times, back in Des Moines… and Toledo… and Detroit…. And Minneapolis.” My face got a bit sad as I remembered how painful and hard those times were, but I never let go of Kyle’s hand. Then, the waiter returned, and expertly laid out our food. I grinned, “But, here is the meal. I hope, Tim, you enjoy the most expensive dish on the menu!!!” I chuckle, and start to dig into my meal.

12:26 Tim_Byrne: I grin at James at first, but my gaze softens again as he mentions they have an appointment with a therapist. Oh… Fuck… Yeah I can tell. Even I had a couple of nightmares about being raped and tortured brutally. I guess the least thing I can do is just be a moral support for them. I look at Kyle as James finishes his sentence, he seems thoughtful too. I gulp. There is a very short silence in our conversation. But thank god that slow waiter finally interrupts us, and puts our meals in front of us… Oh YES… I am going to enjoy this meal like crazy. But before I start to dig in, I look at both of them once more “Kids… If you need any help… Or anything you need… Know that there is an old grumpy uncle… I promised Kyle, and I am promising you too James… I won’t leave you…” I take a deep breath afterwards, then to break the awkward air between us, I get grumpy again “UFFF… Enough with this melancholy. Eat already… I am not going to drown in my thoughts while eating the most expensive meal in here... Geez…”

12:26 Inspector_Kyle_Byrne: I listen to my uncle’s words, the relationship between him and Oscar. Yeah, life is never easy… I can tell. But I am glad he is with his lover and beloved now. And then James talks, mentions our relationship is not perfect either, not because we don’t get along, but because of the pain and suffering we endured and experienced together. Yeah… Minneapolis… Detroit… Des Moines… Toledo… I… I don’t want to remember, I actually want to forget sometimes. I am scared to face those experiences again… Xavier… Tim… James… Ivan… I can feel the gaze focusing on me. But then, as meals arrived and James and Tim joked about it, I smiled weakly, and started eating my meal, but I can’t help but think about my past. It’s so fucking humiliating…

12:26 AgentJamesMason: I look over at Tim, he’s such an adorable man. He pretends to be grumpy, but beneath his sour attitude is a heart of solid gold. I’m so proud to consider him a part of my family now. We all eat in silence, enjoying this exquisite meal, and I catch Kyle’s eye, I know he’s feeling just a bit sad right now, a wound from his week of torture and brainwashing. I make a funny face at him, and gently rub his ankle from under the table. To be honest, I’m feeling suddenly very nervous and sad myself. Just mentioning Toledo brought on flashbacks, little flashes of waking nightmares, remembering the agony as Daniel tortured me, remembering watching the video of Kyle’s suicide attempt, remembering how I nearly broke just for the chance to let Kyle know I was alive. My confidence was feeling shaky right now, but I would be strong for Kyle and Tim. Finally, I finished my meal, it was delicious. My favorite. But it was slightly marred by my sorrow and remembered pain, so vivid. I don’t let any hint of my discomfort affect my expression, and look at my watch. My stomach churns. We would need to leave soon. “Kyle, we will need to leave soon for our appointment with the therapist.” I smile at him. “See, there are times when eating fast like me has its advantages!”

12:26 Tim_Byrne: I finish at the same time James finishes. Oh… A quick eater… Another thing we have in common. After mentioning their past, both of them now seem lost in their own thoughts. Oh… I wish I could just help them with more than just moral support. I can see how James is trying to cheer up my Kyle, but he is also sad too. As he states they both need to leave for their appointment, I chuckle “Kyle… James… It may be hard to focus on the moment right now… I… I am a civilian… But I know what I saw. You and him, you are both saving lives. By risking yourselves. Both of you are shields for us, so I just want to say… Thank you…” then I clear my throat again… GRAH… Fuck James and Kyle… Seeing them broken softens me, which I am not very comfortable with. But I mean what I say. I get up slowly, and grunt “I will meet with Oscar, then drop by the house again. See you later kids… I am spending the night at Oscar’s place as you know Kyle...” I hug Kyle tightly, then pat and rub James’s cheek before I take my leave.

12:26 Inspector_Kyle_Byrne: James, once again and as always, tries to cheer me up. Yeah, I could have hidden my feelings generally. But not in front of James for some reason. He understands I don’t feel good. I giggle again as he makes funny faces, and touches my ankle. But deep inside, it was making me both feel good and bad. He is babysitting me in a way. I… You will find something Kyle. I am gaining my confidence once again. I will make up everything to him. My smile widens as James and my uncle finish before me, but I finish my own meal shortly after, and James says we need to go to the appointment. I take a deep breath, and nod at his words. Then my uncle encourages us, and leaves us alone after hugging me and patting James. I slowly get up, and reach James's hand, pull him closer to me, and hug him “Everything will be alright…” Just a little part of me doesn’t believe that, but I don’t want to upset him anymore. I smell his beautiful scent one more time, then, I lead us outside this time, not letting go of James's hand.

12:26 AgentJamesMason: I listen to Tim, and once again I’m amazed at how kind and caring that grumpy old man is beneath the surface. Such a tender heart he has beneath his gruff exterior. He pats my cheek before he heads off, then I turn to Kyle and he pulls me into a hug as I hold his hand, and he seeks to encourage me. I had tried to hide from him how I was feeling, but he knows. He knows. Kyle leads us to the lift, holding my hand, his gift in hand as we made our way down to the lobby. We are both content to hold each other’s hands in silence, sharing the occasional smile. My bad mood begins to lift as I breathe in and out, feeling so grateful to be with Kyle, to enjoy the sights and sounds of London in spring. We walk the few blocks to the Doctor’s office, then enter the lobby of the building taking the lift up to the fifteenth floor, then heading down the hall to the reception area. I begin to feel nervous again, as I check in with the receptionist, and we are told to sit down and make yourselves comfortable. The doctor will come for us shortly. I sit down, next to Kyle, smiling nervously at him. I’ve met the Doctor before, of course, but this last mission had wounded me more than I was willing to let Kyle or anyone else know. I had been strong for so long for Kyle, trying so hard to hide my own pain and wounding from him, this would be hard for me. But I would face it with the same courage and fortitude that I had faced every difficult situation in my life. And just seeing Kyle beside me, seeing how much happier and healthier he was every day inspired me, encouraged me to new heights.

12:26 Dr.MarcusVanderbilt: I looked out of the window of my office out on the city. It was a beautiful day here in London. Lots of sun, blue skies, and the buzz of people milling about with their lives down below. I contemplated the two men I was about to see and how they milled about with their lives, too, but in a very different way than most. I knew James and had actually worked with him before, but the other man I’d be seeing today, Kyle…. He was an American like me. He had been tortured like me. I had never been brainwashed, but I had helped many people associated with MI6 recover from that kind of trauma. But brainwashing is a tricky thing to unwind and free the mind from. Each case was unique, dependent on the individual’s psyche - much like everything else in my work - but undoing brainwashing was much more intricate, much more delicate than my other work. Still, from the case file, I knew that James had a lot to unpack as well, and it wasn’t exactly like Kyle would be my only focus. I heard the buzz of my phone letting me know they were here. I took a deep breath and considered the men again, and I pulled off my coat, untied my tie, and turned to go get them. You are not logged in.

12:26 Dr.MarcusVanderbilt: I walked down the hallway, my white shirt clinging to my thick, muscled frame as I went down the hall. I opened the door and saw them there. I smiled gently at them, especially as my eyes met James’. Damn, they were both so handsome. “Gentlemen?” I said in my American accent. As they came near, I held my hand out to greet them, a warm smile on my face as they approached. “I’m Mark. Come on back,” I said in my deep voice as I shook their hands. We walked along the corridor in silence, the heaviness of what was to come hanging in the air for them. It wasn’t long till we were back in my office. I could see the stilled posture in Kyle’s body as he timidly looked around my office. And then James, wounded, but holding it in with that classic English stoicism. I smiled at them. They were living out what I had expected from James’ report, but I was trained to see these things. Kyle was gifted at seeing these things, too, but I would have to get him to remember that.

12:26 Dr.MarcusVanderbilt: I had been a field agent for the NSA in the states for several years, but after being captured, tortured, and almost giving up some of the NSA’s most guarded secrets, I felt I needed to do something else. I knew the hell of being tortured and how it almost destroyed me. One man was instrumental in pulling me out of that hell: my saviour, mentor, and eventual lover, Darrin. It was learning from him that pushed me to go deeper into psychology, specifically into trauma recovery. After I had lost Darrin to leukemia a few years ago, I left the states and roamed the globe a while...until I crossed paths with James Mason and started working with MI6 as their lead therapist for torture recovery. James and I were no strangers to one another, but the man in my office today...I could already see the differences surfacing. The Syndicate had done a number on you two. But we’d fix that.

12:26 Dr.MarcusVanderbilt: “Thank you for coming today, gentlemen. If you don’t mind, I’d like you to look through the items in my bookcases. Find something that calls to you. Anything at all. You can look together or separately. But just find something...something that feels like ‘you’ and then take a seat.” I looked back and forth between both of you, my eyes meeting each of yours with warmth and compassion. I could see and feel the pain as James’ looked at me, this pleading in his eyes for me to help Kyle. He was so in love. And Kyle’s eyes, they were pleading, too, but in a very different way. So much noise in his head. We had to calm that noise before Kyle could make sense of his own feelings.

12:26 Inspector_Kyle_Byrne: We finally arrive at Mr. Vanderbilt’s office with James. Both of us are quiet, don’t know what to say probably. My mind started to fill with different questions and voices again, but they weren’t driving me crazy now. They were just disturbing me. I smile back at James as he gives me an encouraging smile. After waiting just for a couple of minutes, another tall and charismatic man greets us, and introduces himself. He seemed strong, confident, professional, and yet sincere. Just like a perfect psychiatrist… I shook his hand, and answered back “Pleasure to meet you Mr. Vanderbilt.” We follow him to his office, and I start examining his room. A very well decorated place indeed. Then Marcus tells us to choose an item that connects with us, separately or together. I smile at him first, then turn my gaze to James, and hold his hand. Then whisper playfully, but letting the doctor hear it as well “We are going to choose together even if we may prefer different things… I am not letting you go James…” He was actually nervous, I can tell. I may not be in my best position, but I spent many years learning to read people. I hold his hand tightly, then slowly lead us to the bookcase. After I search a little while, my eyes rest on a snow globe… And inside it, there were two men, hugging each other. My expression softens as I watch it carefully. That was just so meaningful for me for some reason. I put a kiss on James’s cheek, then turn to my seat, and look at the doctor with a sincere gaze. “I choose mine doctor… Should I tell?”

12:26 AgentJamesMason: Then, Mark walks out and calls us in. He shakes our hands, I’d forgotten just how stunningly attractive he was. His beard, his build, his stance,and his warm, caring nature all combined to make him stunningly handsome. We’d worked together before, but this was different somehow, I felt more wounded, more vulnerable, and more nervous. I’d been holding things together for Kyle’s sake the last few months, and the idea of being vulnerable, the fear that I would be letting down Kyle was rattling me deeply. I sit down, and listen to Mark as he makes us feel welcome, and requests we find something from the bookshelf that calls to us. I catch his eyes, and I can see the warmth and compassion in them. I’m feeling very unsettled right now, and I’m worried about Kyle. I am certain he picks that up from my gaze. Kyle leads the way, and he holds my hand as we walk over to the shelf. I examine the items, taking strength and comfort from the connection with Kyle, the warm feel of his hand in mine. I look through the shelf, and select one, instantly knowing it was the right one. It was a picture of a soldier from WWII, standing over a wounded comrade, fending off a crowd of german soldiers with his bayonet. He was wounded, bleeding, and the germans were certain to end him at any moment, but the look on his face was defiance and determination to fight to the end, no matter what. I looked over at Kyle, and my heart melted with love as I saw what he had chosen. He kissed me on my cheek, and smiled, genuine and full of warmth. I loved him so much. I sat down again next to him, and looked back at the Doctor.

12:26 Dr.MarcusVanderbilt: I watched them move to the shelves together, with Kyle leading the way. Remarkable. Initiative, confidence, him leading James…. And then his choice. I smiled, thinking of Darrin. Normally, I would be in full psych mode right now, but there was instantly something about these men that touched deep inside me. How could I not think of Darrin? And then James’ choice…. Of course. The devotion of love to do anything for another that needed him and that he loved completely, fully. Of course, there were things to uncover and heal through - pains, traumas, hesitations, doubts - but there was such a solid foundation of love I could see already. And it had been tempered in hellfire already. The love between these two men would be a bedrock for the therapy we’d do, but there was a field of landmines across that bedrock, and they all had a common thread: Usov. We would get there, though. First, it was time to take some simple stock of what had just happened.

12:26 Dr.MarcusVanderbilt: “You two are quite amazing,” I said to them, crossing my arms and leaning back on my desk as I smiled. “Kyle...I know your background and your skills. If you feel comfortable...tell me what I just saw when I watched you two?” I said as I moved to a chair in front of them, sitting comfortably as I watched Kyle contemplate my question. Kyle wasn’t going to get any tender treatment here, and that might upset James at first, but I had to get him - and Kyle - to see what amazing strength and resilience Kyle had. This was no tender man who needed James to fret about everything. So yes, gentlemen...let’s start celebrating your strength.

12:26 Inspector_Kyle_Byrne: Shortly after I choose my piece, James chooses his item that connects with him. I continue to watch the doctor. He was a distant figure, but also interested. And yet, professional as well. Then, he asked us what he just saw when he was watching us. I smile mischievously, and eye James just for a second. There isn't any person who wouldn't understand that me and James are deeply connected, and love each other. We both have been through hell, and yet, it only increased the intensity of our love. Even my uncle has been teasing us for being a "cute" couple. Still holding James's hand, I reply "A very powerful love that is stronger than anything else?" and without waiting for the reaction of either, I put a kiss on James's hand.

12:26 AgentJamesMason: I listen as Mark compliments us both, then asks Kyle to interpret the scene he had just witnessed. I smile warmly, as our eyes meet. And the entire time, Kyle holds my hand. I feel invigorated, uplifted by his touch, by his love. Then, he answers, a simple and direct answer that moves me very deeply. Suddenly, I feel so vulnerable as Kyle kisses my hand. I feel an overwhelming urge to cry, but I hold back. My eyes are glistening with unshed tears, and I feel myself suddenly lost in the memories of the hellish quest I’d undertaken to save Kyle. And all of it, every wound, every drop of blood I’d shed, every moment of the torture I had endured along the way had been worth it. It was a price I’d pay ten times over if need be.

12:26 Dr.MarcusVanderbilt: I nod and listen to Kyle’s answer as I watch James’ reaction. This really is a different James in my office today, but...it looks good on him. I just need to make sure he’s not impaired by his trauma - or that Kyle isn’t impaired permanently by his. But I nod at Kyle’s answer again. “Yes, you’re exactly right, Kyle. But I don’t need a psychology degree to see that,” I say with a bit of a chuckle. “No, the more remarkable thing I saw...was you leading James to the bookshelves. Your tender love for him guiding the way. And the way he looks right now, the love in his eyes…. Why do you think he looks at you that way, Kyle? And why do you think you led the way to the shelves?” I was pushing Kyle to dive deeper into this. Maybe he wasn’t ready. But we had to tenderly push to find that out.

12:26 Inspector_Kyle_Byrne: The look, the love on James’s face is just melting my heart. Every torture, every punishment was worth this. He is just awesome. Then I chuckle as the doctor jokes about he doesn’t need to be a doctor to see that. Then he goes deeper, and my smile fades away. I… I don’t know. I actually don’t know the answer. Why did James choose me? I… I hurt him, and I caused so much trouble for him. Why would he still trust me? I don’t know. I just… I look at James first to examine his reaction, then turn to Mark. I close my eyes for a moment, and take a deep breath. It’s really important to tell the truth during an interrogation, and this is a kind of an interrogation as well. “I… I don’t know… Maybe… He just feels that he owes it to me?”

12:26 AgentJamesMason: I struggle for a moment, getting a handle on the emotions that were surging and sloshing inside me. I listened to Mark as he questioned Kyle’s motives in leading me to the bookshelf. Why do I look at Kyle that way? Because I love him. Of course, but … I felt myself struggling to understand the thrust of the Doctor’s question, to understand what was behind the obvious answer. I listened to Kyle reply, and his answer nearly broke my heart. In a choked voice, I responded, holding his hand tightly in mine, “Kyle, look at me for a moment.. “ I reached up and gently tilted his chin so I could stare into his eyes. “Do you think all of this, everything I’ve done is just because I feel I owe you? It’s because from the first moment I saw you, I saw the potential in you, your talent, your generous heart, your sense of duty, all of that and more reached out to me. I do all of this because you are worth it. Because you are worth it all…” I break off, unable to continue, feeling that sense of vulnerability threatening to overwhelm me.

12:26 Dr.MarcusVanderbilt: And this was the narrative that laid over the bedrock of love these men had. A narrative of “I’m not good enough” and “yes you are, let me tell you why.” But it was a cycle, one we had to break. James couldn’t see that Kyle did think that. Kyle couldn’t see that James did love him for him. I thought for a moment and let the heaviness of it all hang with us, letting the silence cultivate the emotions for a moment to break this cycle, or at least start dismantling it. I could see that Kyle was still emotionally fighting his way out of the pit that Usov had tried to bury him in...and yet it was Usov that ultimately released Kyle. The landmines were thick, but we had to press on.

12:26 Dr.MarcusVanderbilt: “What if you’re both right?” I said, breaking the silence. “Kyle…. What if James’ owes you this...because he loves you? How would you feel if that were true?”

12:26 Inspector_Kyle_Byrne: As I finish my sentence, James’s other hand holds my chin, and our gaze meets. I… I am surrounded with these thoughts again. I don’t deserve James’s love. Look how much I cost him. Look how much I hurt him. But he says I am worth it, I am worthy enough. Or am I? Then an awkward silence. None of us talk, none of us say a word. Am I worthy of James? Am I really? Then the doctor's voice cuts the silence, and asks a direct question. Hmm… James owes me because he loves me? That sounds pretty logical actually. Because… If I were in James’s shoes, I would have done the same even if there was a risk of losing my other beloved ones. I take a deep breath, and nod to the doctor, hold James’s hand tighter “That sounds right… I would have done the same if James were captured… But...” I hesitate for a moment “I am not James’s match… He is one of the most successful agents in the world, and I am just… You know… A nobody… My sacrifice for James would be no great loss compared to his…”

12:26 AgentJamesMason: I hold Kyle’s hand, and feel his grip tighten on mine. I ponder Mark’s words. I would have said it differently… I would have said I owe it to myself, to my sense of integrity, to honor the love I feel for Kyle. Then, Kyle continues on. I know he would do the same for me, of course he would. Then… I stiffen at his next words. And I feel my control crumbling…. Hearing Kyle’s words suddenly threw me back in time… to where I had been forced to watch Kyle attempt to commit suicide… how I nearly broke, nearly gave in to Daniel because I couldn’t bear knowing that Kyle wanted to die thinking that I had died. I… suddenly curled up in the chair and began to cry. It hurt… it had hurt me so badly… and to face the echoes of that wound from Kyle was more than I could bear right now. I closed in on myself, folding up, the pain washing through me, berating myself for losing control when Kyle needed me to be strong, compounding my pain with guilt. I had had to be strong for so long, to keep this pain at bay for Kyle’s sake…

12:26 Inspector_Kyle_Byrne: As I finished my sentence, James suddenly curled up in the chair and started to cry. My heart almost shattered while seeing that. What am I doing to him? Look at how much you are hurting him Kyle… I started to cry gently, but I can preserve my calmness. I cried so much over the past weeks, and I almost learned how to do other things while crying. I get up slowly, and hug James from behind, our cheeks are touching and his tears are mixing with mine. I put a slow kiss on his ear, then whisper “You don’t need to cry James… You didn’t do anything wrong… You are just perfect for being yourself… I know it’s hard to hear these words… But that is the truth…” I believed it was the truth now. He loved me, and I loved him. But I didn’t deserve his love.

12:26 Dr.MarcusVanderbilt: I watched the dam break, James’ pent up emotions bursting out as Kyle’s words tore away his last defenses. These words hurt, but they were Kyle’s truth right now. James had to truly hear them before Kyle could be convinced that he was wrong, though. Time to push Kyle just a bit further. His word choice gives it all away: James didn’t do anything wrong, but Kyle feels he did. Kyle was told he did everything wrong. Hang in there, James. I think we’re about there….

12:26 Dr.MarcusVanderbilt: “Kyle, look at James. Look at how he aches for you. Everyone sees how in love you two are. Your love...was weaponized. They weaponized your love against each other,” I state this as a fact, because it was. I knew James would take another beating from this fact, but Kyle had shown the ability to push through some of these things with logic so far; I was hoping I could again feed into Kyle’s logic to give him a light to come out of that darkness and start to break the cycle he was stuck in. I hated making James’ suffer again for it, but it was necessary. “Kyle, I don’t think you truly believe you aren’t worthy of James’ love. And this is why I say that….”

12:26 Dr.MarcusVanderbilt: I held up the snowglobe that Kyle had chosen from the shelf. I held it up for Kyle to see. I held it up for him to see the reflection of dreams glitter and swirl in that snowglobe, the two men holding each other in an embrace. This was his deepest feelings towards James. Not the lies he had been told and believed. “I know why you chose this...and you do, too, Kyle,” I said as I looked in Kyle’s eyes with the warmest, most honest compassion I had in me.

12:26 AgentJamesMason: The soul-searing agony of being back on the table in Toledo, after a full day and a half of near nonstop torture and drugging, I could feel the burning up and down my torso where I had been mauled and salt had been rubbed into my wounds, I could feel the nearly unbearable pain on the soles of my feet as Daniel whipped them over and over and over with a cane, and the endless muscle-searing jolts of electricity as Daniel shocked me over and over, drugging me with a stimulant so I couldn’t sleep and intensifying the agony. And the entire time, I had held on, refused to break, knowing how much was on the line. But I would choose to feel the physical pain ten times over than what I had felt when Daniel had forced me to watch Kyle attempt suicide. That had nearly broken me… and it was breaking me now, I had ruthlessly suppressed it for so long. I curled in tighter and tighter, unable to regain control, lost in the soul-destroying agony again. Mark’s and Kyle’s words washed over me, one phrase of Mark’s in particular feeling like a knife twisting into a wound, weaponized, our love had been weaponized. And Kyle, my amazing, beautiful Kyle did not think he deserved my love, when it had been me that had failed him, I had nearly failed everyone.

12:26 AgentJamesMason: C’mon Mason, be strong, pull out of this. Face the truth. This is how Kyle feels. This is how he was conditioned to feel. You know this, but you haven’t let yourself believe it. Stop hiding from it. The crying begins to slow down just a bit, and I catch Mark’s words as he confronts Kyle with his choice, the snowball with two men holding each other. I feel like a raw wound, but I don’t want to upset Kyle anymore. I slowly start to unfold, my face red and ravaged, my confidence broken, lying in pieces at my feet. I clutched Kyle to me as I started to sit up again. I knew this was part of the healing process, I knew we were safe, we were okay, we would get through this, but it hurt so much, and I was so ashamed, so very, very ashamed, and so afraid of how much it hurt to go back to Toledo in my mind.

12:26 Inspector_Kyle_Byrne: My words do not comfort James. Of course they don’t… But… I don’t want him to be so sad, so upset because of me. I thought if I just mention this, he may finally realize the truth. He is shivering in my hug, and I hug him tighter. Then the doctor starts talking to me again. Deep inside… Do I really think deep inside that I deserve James? I… I don’t know… He aches and craves for me, so do I. I continue to hug James tightly, but my gaze is on the doctor and the snowglobe in his hand. I… I know why I choose that… Because it made me remember us… James and I… I never gave up loving James. He was my source, my everything, my light. I don’t know what I would do without him. My tears start to fall faster as James finally manages to calm down a little bit. The moment when Ivan said he was dead… I wanted to die, I wanted to die so badly.

12:26 Inspector_Kyle_Byrne: James holds my hand, and I bury my face into his neck from behind. My other arm is still around him. I don’t answer the doctor right away. James and I… We are just like the men who are hugging each other in the snowglobe. But… I am hurting him… But he forgave me? Did he Kyle? My thoughts started to clash with each other in my mind. I… But I hurt James… With my choices… But he doesn’t hate me or blame me for it? Is this because of love? I continue to cry softly as I try to focus on my thoughts. Am I worthy enough for James? He went on a long journey for me. Didn’t he? So I should be worthy? Or am I not…

12:26 Dr.MarcusVanderbilt: The pain and confusion and love all warred on Kyle’s face while James fought his own deep battles: his repressed emotions, his torture in Toledo, what they had both endured and been unable to protect each other from. But of course they couldn’t protect each other - that option was purposefully taken off the table all while Daniel and Ivan made it look like they could protect each other: James by letting Kyle know he was alive, and Kyle by giving up his autonomy and freedom to “protect” others. It was all mind games to aid in the torture and attempted destruction of these two men. And those mind games had all crashed to the ground by one force: love. I watched in silence, knowing this was the hardest part of my job - guiding traumatized minds to doors that they could step through if they just chose...but I could never make anyone take any steps. I could only guide and be honest about what I saw and let them take their own steps.

12:26 Dr.MarcusVanderbilt: “James,” I started softly, breaking the silence between the soft sobs. “Kyle fights for you, too. And it’s hard for him to know the direction to turn, what direction is the way back to who he was, to the man he wants to be again. But he needs you to honestly face that with him, to stand at his side while he faces that. It’s not about you or anything you did or didn’t do. The truth is...neither of you failed.” I smiled in gentle awe at these men and the truth of it. I watched the two holding each other as the invisible emotional storm raged in my office, the two of them feeling tossed about chaotically in it while my job was to be the steady earth, an anchor, to tell them the truth they couldn’t see themselves. It wasn’t that I was telling them what to do or how to feel; I was shining a light on the things they couldn’t see and letting them decide where to go from there. And with James’ now opening himself to his own emotions and Kyle’s cycle of self-torture being open for disruption, it was a moment of potential. But could we reap this moment of potential for a step forward? Or would it pass and more storms would have to come, more moments of potential be presented? One more push.

12:26 Dr.MarcusVanderbilt: “The purest truth is that you’re both here in my office today because you were there for each other. You’re here...because you succeeded...because you both honored your love for one another.” And then...I waited to see what happened in that pained, heavy silence that held such beautiful potential.

12:26 AgentJamesMason: I can feel Kyle’s distress as he strives to comfort me, his arms around me are pure joy, and they tell me a story that are at odds with his distress. I thought back to the first moment we met, like a key fitting into a lock. We both knew that we were worthy of each other, and we both know that we had done the best we could. I believed that. I did. It’s just that I’ve been holding down the pain and anguish of seeing the impact of Kyle’s brainwashing, holding down my own pain and anguish, the trauma of my torture for so long that it had all come out. And … maybe that’s what I had needed. What I needed. I raise my head as Mark calls my name, and I nod in response to his words. Yes, Mark was right. I had not been allowing myself to face the truth of what had happened to Kyle, not fully, because it was so tied into my own wounds, my own torture.

12:26 AgentJamesMason: But together… we could face it together. I nodded, gaining strength from Mark’s wise words. We are both here in the office together because we succeeded, because we honored the love we had for one another. I feel my confidence beginning to return, but at the same time, my sense of vulnerability didn’t lessen, but rather grew. But I wasn’t afraid of it anymore. Kyle needed me to be vulnerable with him as much as he needed me to be strong. I turned to Kyle, and looked into his eyes, “Kyle… I was so afraid, so very, very afraid when I thought I had let you down. It hurt so much. That pain.. Was not because you failed me, was not in any way your fault, and most definitely not because you weren’t worthy of me, but because I loved you so very much. I would endure that pain ten times over for the chance to let you know how much I love you.”

12:26 Inspector_Kyle_Byrne: After another silence, the doctor speaks to James this time, telling him that he, and maybe I as well, should face the truth. I… Yes… I don’t know what kind of a person I am at the moment. Some traits of mine are still the same I guess, but others… I am not so sure. I… Then he tells us neither of us failed. I raise my face again, and give Mark a confused look. It was… It doesn’t sound right. Not because I don’t like what I heard, but this wasn’t something I am used to telling myself for the past couple of weeks. James was also trying to convince me that I wasn’t to blame, but I only thought he was trying to comfort me because he loved me. But I did… I did something wrong. He tells us we are here because of us. After his words, James calms down a little bit, and he turns to me, looks directly at me with his beautiful gaze. He says it wasn’t my fault, and that he would endure all of his pain for me over and over again. I close my eyes, but tears start to fall down more savagely.

12:26 Inspector_Kyle_Byrne: Sobbingly, I move on “Of course it was my fault… I… It… it all started when I hid something from James.” I take the seat next to James once again, and continue “I… I told there was nothing wrong… But there was… In the case… I lied to him… I didn’t want to make him suspect anything… I…” I tell them the conversation we had with the Minneapolis department manager, and the “so-called” UN delegates. “Then… Xavier… Ivan… He shot his kneecaps in the van because I didn’t do what he wanted… I… I showed defiance, and he hurt Xavier so much…” I started to curl up in the chair this time, I thought about this so many times, but never said it out loud until now this openly, especially in front of another person, and I can’t control my tears. “Then… I… Killed him… He… I… I needed to stay awake… But I couldn’t… I let him… Down… I didn’t… I couldn’t… It was… All… Because… Of me… Because of… My decisions… Ivan told me...” But I wasn’t very certain in my tone now. I was hearing this a lot for the past few days, and hearing this from a professional forced me to question myself. But… That wasn’t right… They “should” tell me what I want to hear.

12:26 AgentJamesMason: Suddenly, I could feel Kyle start to cry harder in response to my declaration. I felt a bit confused, but stayed focused. I moved in, holding Kyle tight against me, wrapping him up, pulling him against me as he began to sob harder, my own pain forgotten as my need to hold and comfort Kyle rose front and center to my consciousness. He began to speak about what had happened, about how he had lied to me, but he hadn’t lied to me in my opinion, I knew what he was doing the entire time. Then, I felt the sick disgust, the horror as Kyle told me what Ivan had done in the van, I’d never heard that before. It was revolting, terrifying, and I could see how much it had hurt Kyle. But I had no words right now, I couldn’t trust myself to speak. All I could do was wrap Kyle up in my hard, steel-cabled, battle-trained arms, cradle him against my hard body, and nuzzle my chin against his ears, my own tears gently rolling down my cheeks as I felt Kyle pour out all the grief and horror of his capture and torture. So many emotions roiled in me, rage at Usov, guilt that I hadn’t been there to protect Kyle, sorrow and grief that this man I loved so much had been so badly hurt. I turned and looked at Mark, with tears streaking my cheeks, running into my beard, my face a picture of helpless anguish and pain.

12:26 Dr.MarcusVanderbilt: James looked to me, the helplessness painted on his face and streaked with those tears. I looked at him and nodded, giving a compassionate brace of support and resolve. This was good. This was progress. And I needed James to hold on longer. His body language and facial expressions suggested he was embracing the situation more honestly now, but I couldn’t know that for sure. Still, my intuition urged me to push on with the men...so I did. We waited, though, the storm needed to settle for a moment. When Kyle’s tears and sobs quieted some, we pushed on.

12:26 Dr.MarcusVanderbilt: “Kyle…. Ivan lied to you. I’ve never met the man, but I know his work. I know what he does. He lied to you on all of this. It’s why you feel the deep discord in yourself over these feelings. Your mind is wrestling with the truth and the lies.” I could see the pain building on Kyle’s face again, and I decided to step into that storm with Kyle and James in a more connected way. I simply leaned forward and placed my hand gently on Kyle’s knee, my fingertips just barely resting there as a reminder that I would not let the storm carry either of them off.

12:26 Dr.MarcusVanderbilt: “Here’s where today is different, Kyle. I’m not going to tell you what to believe. I’m not going to tell you what you should feel. You have to decide that. You have to decide what you want to fight for. But you are not alone…. You are not alone on this journey.” I paused then for the last piece that was so hard for Kyle to hear, but it was pivotal and true. “And Kyle… James and I trust you. I know you feel like we shouldn’t-” I paused then, smiling deeply and compassionately, before finishing, “-but we trust you, Kyle.”

12:26 Inspector_Kyle_Byrne: James’s arms wrap around me all of a sudden, and I hold them tightly. I feel so bad once again… The things I did… The decisions I made… It hurts… Reminding myself of them again, saying them again, confessing them again… After I slowed down a little bit, the doctor tells me Ivan had lied to me, which breaks my heart even more. But… He loves me… You don’t lie to the people you love? But I did… I did lie to James… I rest my head on James’s shoulder as Mark touches my knee. I need to… Fight… He… He and James trust me. I open my eyes slowly once again, first I look at Mark, then I turn my gaze to James. Ivan… Look what Ivan did to you Kyle… Yes, I am aware that Ivan did bad things to me, even though he loves me. I… If I don’t let James trust me, would I be the same? Would I do something similar?

12:26 Inspector_Kyle_Byrne: I take a deep, long breath to get myself together, rub James’s muscled arms with my hands gently. “But… I… I’m not…” I can’t build up and complete sentences properly. I don’t know what to say. That… That is the truth, they trust me. They shouldn’t, but they trust me. That’s probably because they don’t think I did anything wrong. How… How am I going to protect them when I am not trustworthy… “Why… Why do you trust me… I risked everything, everyone… I was losing everything…” But my tone is more calm and reasonable now, feeling a bit tired because of crying that hard as well.

12:26 AgentJamesMason: After a time, as Kyle’s tears start to slow, Mark moves forward, and puts his hand on Kyle’s knee, a warm, reassuring gesture. In naked pain, feeling helpless to ease Kyle’s suffering, I listen as Mark tells Kyle more difficult truths, laying out the contrast between Ivan’s lies and our trust. I held Kyle so tightly, hoping that he would see. Kyle seems to strengthen himself a bit, and stumbles and stutters, before finally asking why we trusted him.

12:26 AgentJamesMason: I hold him, and held my own pain at the same time, this man that I loved had had his confidence shattered, and it was not easy seeing the damage that had been done. But it could be healed, I knew it could be healed. “I trust you Kyle. Remember in the warehouse… I nearly died. I would have died, if you hadn’t saved me. I trusted you with my life, and I would again.”

12:26 Dr.MarcusVanderbilt: I heard Kyle’s words and his question: “why do you trust me?”. It was a question I was intimately familiar with, both as a doctor helping other Syndicate torture victims find their answers...as well as finding my own answers after my own torture at the Syndicate’s hands. James’ words gave one answer to Kyle’s question, and I could provide my own answer, too...but it would be revealing a lot, things even James didn’t know about me. It would risk some patient-provider boundaries on many levels, but… Again, it felt right. I pushed on with what felt right instead of what “procedure” told me was the “right” thing.

12:26 Dr.MarcusVanderbilt: “Kyle, you didn’t lose everything. You didn’t.” I paused and looked between the two of them, making sure about my next sentence before I said it. “I know...what it’s like to lose everything in torture. To have it all stripped away from you...all because someone wants something from you. I know….” I smiled gently, some to comfort Kyle and James, but also to comfort myself. “When they do that to you, they don’t give you options. That’s the point. And it took a while for me to trust myself again after that. I had to realize it wasn’t about me or anything I did or didn’t do. And so when you ask me why I trust you...it’s because I’ve read up on your work, your background, I know what James thinks of you, and he’s not the easiest person to impress,” I say with a wider smile and a slight laugh. “I know the person you are based on how you lived your life. And that’s you. So don’t let a few weeks of your life define and override a lifetime of so much dedication and ability.”

12:26 Inspector_Kyle_Byrne: After I ask my question, James answers first, reminding me that I saved his life back in the warehouse, so did he. We both saved each other’s lives, and it was incredible. Yes, it was harsh, it was hard, but in the end, it connected us deeply. Now that I think about it, James and I have known each other not more than 3 months, and yet, I know I can trust him with my whole heart. Then Mark replies. He… He was also tortured? He… He knows how I felt. So, this wasn’t really something about me? But… But it was? Wasn’t it? If Mark experienced similar things, then maybe it wasn’t about me. Then he says James is not an easy person to impress, and I smile weakly, rubbing James’s chest gently. Then he finishes by mentioning that I shouldn’t let a couple of weeks define the rest of my life… I… Have… Accomplishments… Yeah… That sounds right, and I don’t feel like I am lying to myself when I say that. I look at Mark for a couple of seconds, then turn my gaze to James… I… He… I love him so much, I would do anything for him. And if he wants me to let him trust me, then I will try. I say it loud as well with a weak tone. “I… Will try…”

12:26 AgentJamesMason: I listen to Mark’s story, and I look at him with wide eyes. He doesn’t always share that part of his past. I knew he had been tortured, but I am honored, deeply honored that he would share that to help Kyle understand. I turn back to Kyle, and hold him fiercely as I feel him struggling to make sense of this idea. I know it’s hard, but Kyle is such a strong man, I know he will hear. When he mentions that he will try, I hold him even tighter, lovingly, whispering with warmth and affection, “That’s all any of us can do Kyle, is try. Each and every day, all we can do is try. That’s all I want from you, my beloved. To try. I know you can. I trust you.”

12:26 Dr.MarcusVanderbilt: I watched as the men reached for each other. I smiled and withdrew my fingertips from Kyle’s knees, letting them have this moment for themselves. The rest of the session was much more low-key and was more about building rapport. I was used to these first sessions going like this, though. For some, like Kyle, there was usually a sense of urgency to talk about the elephant in the room. I suspected James’ would have preferred a slower, more gentle approach, but he had done so well with it, especially considering how English he could be sometimes.

12:26 Dr.MarcusVanderbilt: As we were wrapping up, a full hour and a half later, I had an assistant of mine take Kyle to another room to choose a book on trauma recovery. It would help Kyle process some of his trauma directly and more logically while also reminding him of his own gifts in psychology, but it would also give me a moment to discuss something alone with James. As we were alone, I put my hand on my friend’s shoulder and tilted my head to the side. He would need some shoring up for the last thing I needed to say to him. “You both did really well today, James. That was huge…and I believe we’re on the right path.” I paused and looked in James’ eyes before continuing. “We have to break these mental cycles of Kyle’s, and that is going to require we be very honest with him...and honest with ourselves.” I gripped James’ shoulder tight as I said the last thing. “And we’re gonna have to be honest...that Kyle and Ivan...may have really loved each other.” I waited then, watching my friend’s eyes and wondering if my honest but pain-filled words might batter James anew.

12:26 AgentJamesMason: After the initial burst of intensity, the rest of the session felt like a recovery period, being much more lowkey. I was grateful for a break in the intensity. As we wound down, and an assistant came to help Kyle choose some reading material, Mark approached me, putting his hand on my shoulder. I knew he wanted some private time with me. I looked at him quizzically, listening to him explain the necessity of breaking Kyle’s cycles of self-doubt. I braced myself, as Mark told me what I had already seen with my own eyes, that Kyle genuinely loved Ivan. I nodded slowly, not at all surprised or deeply wounded by Mark’s statement. Sure, it still felt all kinds of fucked up… but I had seen Ivan on that day, and I knew that Ivan also genuinely loved Kyle. I was not jealous, I loved Nick with a deep passion after all, that took nothing away from my love with Kyle. I couldn’t wait to introduce Kyle and Nick when Nick returned from his mission. But… while the love between Kyle and Ivan felt so fucked up on many levels, on another level I was more comfortable with that than anything else about the situation. And… at the end of the day, it had been Ivan… who had let Kyle go. Not me who had rescued him. That had humbled me deeply. I spoke up then, reaching my other hand out to clasp Mark’s shoulder, nodding, “I think you are right, I think they really do love each other. And I have no idea what that means for the future, but I agree that we need to deal with it honestly.”

12:26 Dr.MarcusVanderbilt: I watched James process what I said and it rolled off him cooly, calmly. After you spoke, I couldn’t help but chuckle. “You Englishmen....” I laughed. “You never cease to amaze me how well you cope with some things.” I nodded then, agreeing with your ideas about the future and the uncertainty it represented. “Just love him, James. And don’t take the world on your shoulders.” For now, it was up to the two of them to weather this storm together. We would have more sessions, but, for now, it was up to them.

12:26 Inspector_Kyle_Byrne: The therapy session went much smoother compared to the beginning, and that was a relief. Talking through these heavy things so suddenly is not easy. Not easy at all. Then the secretary of Doctor Vanderbilt enters the room, and leads me to another one. A library, and he lets me choose one of the books in a specific area. I examine the covers, titles, summaries of the books a little bit. Then one of them suddenly caught my attention, "Love in the War". I slowly pull it out from the bookshelf, and read the summary. It's about how to find love and inner-peace before, in, and after conflicts and challenges. But… That wasn't the most important reason why it caught my attention… I remembered Ivan. I remember him saying all is fair in love and war. He… He forgave me… Maybe that is why I can't hate him and stop loving him? But maybe it's a temporary thing, who knows? With a smile, I nod to the assistant politely, and he leads us back to the room. James and Mark are talking about something, Mark's hand is on James's shoulder. I clear my throat to draw their attention, and smile at them. Yeah, interestingly, I was feeling much better. Not only because of the soft points we mentioned at the end of the therapy, but also sharing these guilty feelings out loud, and getting mental support. I am really lucky to have someone like James in my life.

12:26 AgentJamesMason: I turn to see Kyle entering, holding a book. I smile at him. I turn back to Mark, and shake his hand, “Thanks Mark, thanks for everything.” Then, I leave with Kyle. As we leave, I realize that I’m feeling so much better. I had really needed to get everything out in the open, to get everything off my chest. All that pain and anguish had been bottled up for too long. I smile, and put my arm around Kyle’s shoulder as we head home. Today has been an amazing day… the interview, Kyle’s gift, meeting Tim again, and the session with Mark. I think we were due some relaxation. Tomorrow I would have to go back into the office and get caught up with what the Syndicate had been up to, and see about putting more people on the search for Jack Young. Knowing that Jack Young had been in captivity for all this time was eating at me like acid. We had to find him. As soon as I’d got back to London, I’d pulled in every favor I could manage to try and find him. Even Masterson had joined in, but so far, we hadn’t found the slightest clue where Jack was. I had to call Jeff again as well. We had to find Jack. WE HAD TO.

Published: 2021-04-16, viewed 39 times.