Agents Universe

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PICKING UP THE PIECES - AFTER THE INCIDENT PART 1
( https://mars.chatfighters.com/story/51470 )

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I barely make my way back to the door, I have absolutely no idea what time has passed, who I cheerfully said hello to en route, or even what fucking day it is. I take hold of the door handle.. I swear it was a knob before.. and open it. "Hellloooooo?" I sing as I enter the hallway. Nothing can bring me down now, my smile spreads from ear to ear as I call out to my perfect husband.. ahh, Jeff. "Paging Mr Rogers.. Mr Rogers, to the front door.." I close it gently behind me, I can still be respectful and quiet despite being fucking hammered.
12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: I hold Jack while inwardly, I’m cursing that bitch Shona. She doesn’t deserve a son like Jack. I wish… I wish Trent was here. Then, suddenly, Jack pushes away from me, telling me he needs some fresh air, some alone time. He heads outside just like that. I’m a bit shocked by his abrupt behaviour. I realize that he’d been very badly affected by his family’s visit. I hesitate, about to stop him, going outside now while he is in such a vulnerable state, only just beginning to recover could compound his problems. And yet.. And yet… he is a man, not a child, not someone I can order around. So, I say nothing. I hurt for him, and I wish so much that I could reach him, ease his suffering. This was hard, so hard for me to bear. But sometimes, all you could do was watch. I sighed, and headed back to my office, losing myself in paperwork.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: As the minutes ticked by, and still Jack hadn’t returned, my ability to concentrate evaporated. I was sick with worry for Jack. What if he was hurt, what if he had a mental breakdown in public.. What if.. I resolved to go out and search for him right there and then. It was nearly evening, the sun was setting, and he might need me. I head down the stairs when I hear the door opening. Thank god… I felt a huge wave of relief wash through me. Then, I heard his voice… I slid against the hall wall as Jack came in. I felt my guts start to churn… My boy had gone out and gotten himself plastered. Fuck me.. Oh Jack… This was not going to help… Then, I hesitated… I remembered the night after I found out that Trent had been brutally murdered by Steel. I remembered how drunk I got. It’s a natural response, even if it wasn’t going to help in the long run, it sure as hell helped in the short term.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: Then, his next line suddenly made me want to double up with laughter. What a fucking goof ball he was. Maybe this was what he needed. I rush forward, with a warm smile on my bearded face, reaching out to grab Jack’s arm as he stumbled in the door. Fuck me, but he was very, very drunk. I sniffed. Whiskey. Shit. Was he drinking whiskey neat? Oh god. “Hey Jack, welcome back. C’mon Jack, let’s go sit down on the couch. I’ve got you.” I held his elbow and kept him up right as I walked him over to the couch. “Let me get you a glass of water. Just stay there, I’ll be right back” I hurry into the kitchen to get a glass of water. I know he’s going to have a splitting hangover after this, but if I can get enough water in him to counteract the dehydration, it might help a bit. I hated, hated to see my boy suffer anymore.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: The amazing Jeff comes to my rescue, guiding me through to the couch for a glass of.. water!? "Whaaaat, water? Water's so boring.." I laugh, sitting on the couch. I love this couch. It's so fucking comfortable. "Hey, sir.. hey.." I call to him in the kitchen. "Y-you're amazing. This is.. amazing. I've been, I've been, I've been so sad, but now.." he returns with the water and my face lights up. I love him so much. I take the glass from him and take a sip. "Thank you, sir.. but this.. this isn't whiskey. From on, I only drink whiskey" I poke his chest playfully. God I love his chest. "Sir, I really really really really need to help out more.. because LOOK!" I get to my feet, I'm not wobbling, I can walk, and I gesture with my hands. "I can stand! I can walk! Bec-because of you.. and, and.. I'm gonna cook. And I'm gonna clean.. and I'm.." I laugh, forgetting what I was going to say else. "What else do you do around the house.." I pause, thinking hard.. "cook! I can cook, I'm gonna cook. I'm French, we have.. cock" I laugh at the word, it's such a silly word. "Coq au vin. Coq au vin, that's really fun to say.. coq au vin.." I poke his chest again and take a sip of water. "It's chicken, in wine.. and it tastes like shit but I can, I can cook it" I smile, so goofy, so wide. Oh, Jeff.. fuck me on the coffee table please.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: As I’m pouring Jack a glass of water, I can hear his drunken voice calling out to me from the living room. I am a bit taken aback by the raw hero-worship pouring out of him. It’s making me uncomfortable, but I know it’s just the whiskey. I come back, and hand him the water, as he pokes my chest and cracks a joke about only drinking whiskey. In spite of myself, I can’t help but laugh, “I think you’ve had enough whiskey for the time being, trust me on this boy.” FUCK.. there it was again, calling him boy. Ughhh, Jeff, get a grip, watch your words, especially when he’s drunk. Then Jack stands up, boasting and proclaiming how he can cook and clean. I have my own glass of water, and take a sip, standing next to Jack, watching him carefully, ready to catch him if he falls down, so I nearly choke and spray my water all over him when he tells me about being French and making Coq au vin. I looked at him sideways, was he making a joke about… Coq. Cocks.. No,.. no… I couldn’t decide whether to collapse in helpless laughter or be frantic with worry about him. But, he did need this, I know he did.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: On an impulse, I grabbed Jack’s elbow, “Jack, let’s go out to the back garden for a while. It’s a clear evening, and we can see the stars and you get some fresh air.” Also, I thought to myself, if he pukes, it will be on the grass and not the floor. I’ve had my drunken episodes, and I know the consequences of drinking whiskey neat. This boy was drunk as a fish. And I needed to stay near him the whole time. I grabbed both glasses of water, mine and his, in one hand, and gently led him out to the back garden, through the kitchen, and out onto a small bench on a patio under an awning. The sun had just set, and the stars were coming up. On some weird impulse, I grabbed Jack’s wrist and gently pointed his drunken hand up towards the sky, lining him up. “You see that bright star there? That’s Polaris, the north star. Sometimes, when I feel out of sorts, I like to sit out here and stare up at the sky, and wonder at how I’m seeing the light of a star from 323 years ago. It’s pretty amazing, isn’t it?” I thought maybe I could keep Jack positive if I kept him on trivial topics. I wasn’t sure what kind of drunk Jack was, but I knew all too well the kind of pain that was lurking inside my beautiful boy. Just the touch of his arm on my hand.. I wanted so bad to kiss him. So bad. Then I thought of Shona, and it quickly dampened the lust I felt, replacing it with rage. That was exactly what she wanted. The bitch.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I see glimpses of a smile twitching at the corners of his lips and it fuels me. I want to make him laugh, I want to be more than the hurt little puppy he's seen for the last few weeks. He guides me back outside as I stumble along, I feel so fucking happy right now. Everything is just perfect. This house is perfect. The garden is perfect. Jeff is.. beyond perfect. Then, he takes my wrist and stands behind me, pointing my hand up to the sky. I feel his body gently pressing against my back and on instinct I tilt my head back and rest it on his shoulder. It feels so amazing, like I should live here forever. I look up at the stars and listen to his words. They're all blurred together but I can see the super bright one he's talking about. "Po.. pollalla.. I got this.. polsaris.. nailed it" I look up at the sky. "I love space.." I moan in pure joy as I look at the strange lights above us, twinkling away. It's like I'm up there with them. "I wish nighttime was our daytime, and, and we get to see the stars all the time instead of the sun.." my words are slurred and it makes me laugh. "Like a... A... What are they called.." I think long and hard. "An owwwl" I exaggerate the word, I need to know Jeff understands what I'm saying. I can't be embarrassing myself. "An owl.. they're nocturnial.. no.. noctur..” I sigh and give up, why can’t I say the word nocturnal? I’m thinking it clear as day, but my mouth refuses to cooperate. “They come out at night, right?" Jeff knows what I mean. He knows everything. I love Jeff. "I love you.. you're incredible. You're like.. superman or.. my dad.." I said it, and now I'm thinking about my dad. Oh no.. not the comedown, I want to stay happy, I want to keep laughing. I want to enjoy this moment with my beautiful Jeff. I push it away and fight it as hard as I can. Be happy, stay happy.. I’m filled with too much love to come down just yet.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: Even though he was drunk, Jack’s goofy bubbling happiness started to infect me, and I began to laugh as he started talking a string of utter nonsense, trying to pronounce polaris, wanting to see the stars, then segueing somehow to owls.and the concept of being nocturnal. I laughed even harder, then he said he loved me, after I was compared to superman and his dad. Those words… cut through my good humour like a knife. I know he hadn’t meant them, I mean, he was drunk, you love the fire hydrant outside the pub when you are pissed. But,… I feel a stab of guilt at that comparison, and hearing those words from Jack brought that special pain I felt from loving Jack to the front and centre of my consciousness. Like I had loved Jack’s dad.. I sighed. I missed Trent so bad. I smiled warmly at Jack as he swayed and tottered like a drunken sailor, pushing my pain inside. I racked my brain for something to keep him occupied, to try and keep him positive. I gently took hold of his elbow again, “It’s starting to get a bit chilly out here, let’s go back inside.” I guide him back into the house, back into the living room, I sit him down gently on the couch, then sit next to him, his nearness, his presence, his scent, prominent even through the alcohol, was uplifting. That pain throbbed inside me, that special pain that I kept at bay, that pain that wanted Jack in a way I could not have. Then, I get an idea, “Hey Jack, you must be hungry, I know I am! How about we drive to McDonald’s tonight instead of eat here? Chicken nuggets? Yes?” I grinned at him. That could take his mind off his troubles.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: He guides me back inside so gently and sweetly.and plops me on the couch. Plops. Silly word. "Plop" I don't know why I'm saying it out loud, but it just makes sense. Jeff "plops" next to me and I want to get lost in his eyes, melt into him. My cheeks are starting to hurt from smiling so much but it feels so good. Then he says it.. my trigger word, and I'm a little boy on Christmas Eve. "Nuggets!?" I beam, it's the best thing I've ever heard. I start standing immediately, I refuse to wait for these nuggets any longer. "I-I'll drive, sir!" I laugh, knowing that's not going to happen in a million years. He stands with me, supporting me, and I place my open hand on his chest. "You don't strike me as a nugget guy.. you're more of a.... big Mac.. ooorrrr.." I trail off, I have no idea what else they sell. Then I gasp as I make an incredible realisation. "You can get a cheeseburger!" Who ever thought of putting a slice of cheese on a burger, it's an incredible invention and that person should be the richest person in the world. "I-- I-- I invented the cheeseburger" I frown, knowing that's a lie. But.. did I? "And you will love it.. why are we still here, I'm driving us come on!" I take Jeff by the hand and start dragging him to the front door, but I realise I'm just walking in the spot as Jeff doesn't budge. So I turn back to him with a cheeky grin and grab his wrist with both hands, pulling with all my strength which is literally nonexistent at this point.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: Before I’m even done saying “Chicken nuggets”, Jack is up on his feet, lighting up like a christmas tree. I stand up just as quickly, a bit worried that he’s going to fall over in his haste to get his nuggets. I’m doing my best not to break down into a bout of uncontrolled laughter. He puts his hand on my chest, and I feel the connection, the special feeling of his closeness spreading through my hairy chest like a warm glow. But apparently, nuggets are for Jack, and cheeseburgers are for me. I didn’t have the heart to tell Jack that the last time I’d had either nuggets or cheeseburgers was when I was just about as drunk as he is now, and that was a long time ago. He insists on driving, which makes me lose control completely, and I start to laugh so hard I cry. He’s trying to pull me out to the car, first with one hand, then with both, grinning like a goofball, but I can’t move, I’m so convulsed with laughter. Finally, gasping, I manage to get out, “Uh, no Jack, I think you should let me drive this time.” Following him out to the car, I let him pull me the entire way, the idea of chicken nuggets seeming to lend him a burst of enthusiasm and strength, something like Popeye and spinach. I see Jack safely into the passenger’s side seat, and get myself settled into the driver’s seat of my Land Rover. I pull out, rolling down the window for Jack to get some fresh air. I look over at my drunk goofball, and suddenly I love him more than I every have before. The intensity of the emotion hits me like a wrecking ball. He’s so … perfect. Talented but too insecure to realize his own gifts. I head down the road, under the stars, on my quest to get my boy his chicken nuggets.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: His laughter.. it's beautiful. Even through my drunken madness, hyper-aware that I've never heard this noise before. I want to be like this with him all the time, happy and laughing. He insists on driving and I boo at him, my tongue planted firmly in my cheek. "Only because you know I'm the better driver.." I tease him as he marches me towards the door. I know that's not true but he doesn't need to know that. I'm the better driver.. I laugh to myself as I try and convince myself it's true. I climb into the passenger seat and the breeze brushes my face as he drives us into the night. "This.. this is on me, alright?" I point at him with a stern finger. "Hey, I- I want you to get everything and anything you want. And tell them I want every nugget they have in that place.. and it's on me!" I smile, but then get frustrated because my left hand isn't working properly and I can't get it into the tight pocket of my jeans where my wallet is. "Oooooh fuck.." the frustration turns to laughter as I manage to weasle the wallet out if it's pocket, then drop it to the floor. I lean forward to get it but smack my forehead off the dashboard as I do. "Ooowww--" I laugh, so fucking hard. Oh my god, so embarrassing but so funny. I hold my hand to my head. "That was.. that was your fault" I point at Jeff again, still laughing. "You--you slammed the brakes or something, and.. and.. you made a fool out of me.." the thought of blaming it on Jeff makes me laugh even harder. I point my stern finger at him again. "Your days are numbered, sir.. and I shall have my revenge.. but first.." I swoop down and pick up my wallet like an expert. "Nuggets"

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: As we drive away, Jack slurs and sloshes out his insistence that he’s paying. I look at him with a broad grin, holding up my hands as though in mock surrender, saying to him, “Every nugget in the place shall be yours!! Yes sir! Whatever you say sir!” I’m stone cold sober, but Jack’s goofy drunken mirth is infecting me. I’ve not seen this side of my serious young agent before. It’s delightful. It makes me realise that maybe I’m too serious with him as well. I’m not exactly full of laughs at the best of times. It’s a good thing I’m sitting at a red light when Jack fumbles for his wallet on the floor, because if I were driving while laughing this hard we would have ran into a streetlight. He laughs as he blames me and points his finger at me, with a mocking threat. He retrieves the wallet, and after I get myself under control, we pull out again as the light turns green. “Well, perhaps you can have your revenge when we start your hand to hand combat training next week. That will be your perfect chance, boy.” I’m laughing again, unconsciously calling him boy. I’m shaking with laughter as we pull into the drive through, my hairy muscles flexing, rippling as I hold on to the steering wheel, tufts of chest hair peeking out of the top of my casual polo shirt, my hairy, firmly muscled biceps standing out, half exposed beneath the tight sleeves of my shirt.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: I forced myself to be just serious enough to order fast food, as we come up to the two-way speaker for placing orders, and I order a double cheeseburger with fries and a milkshake for myself, and then a box of 20 chicken nuggets for Jack, looking over at him to see if he wanted to add anything to the order.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: Our laughs intertwine and it sounds like heaven, in the back of my mind I'm so angry at myself for only getting this when I'm drunk. I won't remember anything in the morning, I never do.. and I don't know if we'll ever be like this sober, so I need to make the most of him. Right here and now. He promises me every nugget and I swear down I will hold him to that promise. Then he mentions the wrestling and I gasp. I've got him now. "Oooooh sir that's an amazing idea! THAT is when I will have my revenge" I smirk. The gorgeous GOD that is Jeff orders his meal, then starts to order for me. Step aside, Jeff. I've got this. I lean over as if the microphone wouldn't pick me up from my seat, my face in line with my perfect Jeff's. "That's 20 boxes of nuggets, just to clarify.." I laugh, briefly falling into Jeff's chest. The woman on the other side of the speaker is confused and starts to put the order through, and I hear Jeff quickly protesting. I speak up through my daft giggles, I never EVER embarrass myself like this in public. I'm usually so controlled and rigid. "No, no, no, no.. ONE box of the twenty nuggets please. And fries.. and whiskey" I wink at Jeff. The woman sounds confused again, I have to control myself. "Sorry, a coke.. please, thank you.." I hand my whole wallet over to the speaker, thinking it can sort it out for me. "H-here's the cash"

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: As look over at Jack, he suddenly leans over me to reach the microphone, his face right next to mind. I want to roll my eyes, but also… this proximity with him is intoxicating. I swallow hard as his drunken hand wanders down to brace himself on my crotch as he speaks into the microphone. I’m certain he is so drunk he doesn’t even realize that … ummm… that isn’t my knee. Oh no, it’s not my knee. Jeff…. You will not get an erection. You will not… WILL NOT. Then, suddenly, I listen to what Jack is saying… WHAT??!!? 20 boxes of nuggets… I start to protest as the poor woman sounds confused, as Jack dissolves into helpless giggles. I start to blush with embarrassement, but at the same time it is so fucking funny, I’m torn between the two. Then, he corrects the order, and orders whiskey, I roll my eyes at my boy. Before correcting himself again, changing it to a coke. The last thing Jack needs is more whiskey. He fumbles over, reaching through the window with his wallet trying to pay the speaker. Oh fuck me… I gently reach out and grab the wallet before Jack drops it, and slowly push him back into his seat, gasping a bit with relief as the pressure is removed from my crotch, I have tough balls, but…

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: Once I get Jack back in his seat, I thank the worker, and turn to Jack with a smile on my face, my eyes dancing with laughter. “That’s the next window, Jack. we pay at the next window… And don’t worry, I’ll be sure to let you pay for it!” I laugh, then as I pull up to collect our order, the food waiting for us. The smell is heavenly, I turn to Jack, “Now, you can pay.” I give the cashier a look, “Sorry, ma’am, he’s had a … hard day.” She nods, and replies in a deadpan voice, “I know what those days are like.”

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: Jeff gently pushes me back to my side of the car. Meanie. I sit quietly like a naughty boy after being told off by the teacher, but my smile still creeps at the corners of my lips. We drive to the next window and I have to be on my best behaviour, the breeze drifts through my window and it helps calm me down a little bit. Jeff lets me pay, I hand him my wallet to save embarrassing myself any further. "I'm sorry.." I smile at the employee. God she looks fucking miserable. "I'm not usually this annoying" I laugh briefly to myself, but then a horrible sober thought flashes across my mind. According to my brothers, I AM always this annoying. No, away with you vile thoughts. "Thank you!" I say to her, my nugget queen, as I gently take the bag of food from Jeff and place it on my lap. The smell of deep-fried food is intoxicating. I need it, but I will be patient. I eat when Jeff eats and not a second earlier. But bag fries.. ooh they're the best. Like a child opening a present a day early, I quickly reach out a couple of fries. I place one in my mouth and hold the other to Jeff's beautiful, bearded lips. Then I scrumple the top of the bag down to keep the food warm. That's enough for now, no more naughtiness.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: I smile as Jack hands me his wallet, and I take out the cash to pay for the food. I smile at Jack as he apologizes, and takes the food. I begin to drive off when suddenly, a fire is suddenly in front of my face. I glance over at Jack, and chuckle at the look on his face, so happy and innocent. I bend my head forward and gently take the fry between my teeth, swallowing it and crunching it, the hot, savory salty goodness, exaggerating outrageously with chomping noises and sounds of delight and deliciousness, my eyes twinkled as I looked over at him. I reach over and casually pat his knee, as Jack crumples the bag down. It doesn’t take us long to get back home, and I park the Rover, come around and open the door for Jack. Still wanting to make sure he doesn’t lose his balance. I notice his self-restraint, the smell is heavenly. I gently take the bag from him, and guide him with my hand on his elbow back into the house. I sit Jack down at the dining room table, then grab a huge platter from the kitchen, big enough for a turkey, and then, sit in front of him. “All right Jack, let’s dig in!!”

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: We reach home, thank God it's so close. I need these and I need them now. Jeff guides me inside, protecting me from falling. I must protect the food at all costs. I sit at the dining table as Jeff prepares the feast. I feel myself calming down now, for the better. I'm still so happy, but not as loopy and manic. At least that's how I felt I was being. This can be a real moment with Jeff, almost like a date.. a date with Jeff. I know so little about him.. apart from being so effortlessly perfect. He joins me and we start eating. "Sir.. where did you grow up?" I take my first bite of a nugget and I'm in crunchy, greasy heaven. Oh damn. My favourite food with my favourite man. I hate that I won't remember any of his answers.. but just for the next hour I want to KNOW Jeff. See inside him just a little bit.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: I look over at Jack as he starts to dig into his nuggets. I take a bit of my double cheeseburger, and chase some ketchup with my fries. Damn, this is good. I’m usually a very health-conscious eater, but there was something about tonight, with Jack, that made me want to throw caution to the wind. I wasn’t, however, about to break out my whiskey and join him. Oh no. Someone had to keep a clear head. And… I was afraid about what I might do around Jack if I started drinking with him. That would be bad. So I enjoyed his intoxication vicariously. I looked over at him as he asked about where I grew up. He seemed to be calming down, less manic, and my god, was he enjoying those nuggets, I made as if to steal one, then laughed at the shocked look on your face, snatching my hand back. It was so good to see him enjoying himself, it brought that special pain to the forefront. But it was worth it, to see him happy like this. Then, I realized that Jack knew practically nothing about me personally. I gathered my thoughts, then spent the next hour or so telling Jack everything about my childhood.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: In between bites of cheeseburger and fries, I told Jack about how I was born in Vancouver, British Columbia. My dad was a plumber, and my mother taught secondary school. I was an only child, excelled at a school, but found I had a natural talent for athletics, especially track and field. I’d competed in secondary school. I debated for a moment whether or not to tell him the next part of my life story, but drunk or not, Jack had asked, and he deserved to know. It had been over 25 years now, but the pain was still there, an old wound that had never fully healed. I told Jack how my parents were killed not long after my 17th birthday. I explained, in between mouthfuls of burger, how a Syndicate-backed squad had assaulted a bank in broad daylight, mercilessly killing the staff and customers, including my parents. I was only a few months from graduating secondary school, with an offer from a prestigious university, but after I’d come to terms with my parents death, I’d decided instead to become a policeman. I entered the academy, and it was there that I’d grimly devoted myself to learn hand to hand combat, firearms handling, and put my athleticism to good use.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: I explained to Jack as I finished my fries, that I had decided that there was no better tribute to my parent's memory than to devote myself to protecting others, to give others the protection that I hadn't been able to give to my parents. I finished, “And, I’m sure you know the rest, right? I became a detective, and when I’d been working with the CSIS to help bust a big Syndicate related case, they offered me a transfer. That brought me to Toronto, where I met Trent and…. “ My eyes turners soft, and loving, and tender, as I was lost in the tale I was telling, looking directly at Jack, he was so beautiful. “...you.” Almost embarrassed, I realized that this was getting a bit personal. I swallowed the last of my fries to hide the sudden blush that started to make my cheeks turn red. Careful Jeff, remember… you can’t have Jack that way, but you can help him achieve his potential, and you will. You will.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I listen intently as Jeff describes his life to me, smiling when I cheekily protect my nuggets from him. I love learning about him, and I love seeing his walls come down. I want to cling on to this information, I want to remember it forever.. but right now I'm like a computer that's about to get it's hard drive erased overnight. Maybe Jeff needs that.. maybe we both do. Say things and get them off our chest knowing it won't be remembered. Uh-oh.. I'm entering the thoughtful phase, where I probably start spewing philosophical nonsense. I apologise to him for what happened to his parents.. nobody deserves to go through that, and it makes me feel even closer to him because of what happened to my dad. I love listening to his voice, it keeps me calm and levelled. I want to touch him when he talks about losing his parents.. and.. FUCK.. I am! I'm holding his forearm as I say I'm sorry. It doesn't feel inappropriate though.. he's talking about something so deep and personal.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I smile as he catches up to present day and mentions my dad. "Well.. my dad loved you.." I'm not sure why I chose that word. 'Love..' I meant it in a 'he respected the hell out of him and thought very much of him' kind of way. That, to me, is a form of love. "He was the only one in my family who understood me.." I'm not emotional yet. I can talk about it without being sad, and that's okay. "Nobody else does.." I start chuckling, low and guttural. "Did you know.." I point at Jeff again, swaying slightly. "I have a nephew.. he's like two or something now. Michael's boy.. I've never met him.." I stare at the wall as it hits me a bit, glazing over. "They don't talk to me about him, I've only heard his name once and I think it's Daryl or something.. I've been completely kicked out of this family" I sigh, then shake myself. NO. It is NOT time for the comedown yet. "I'd be a great uncle.." I shove a nugget in my mouth as though to prove a point. "You'd be a great uncle too!" I point at Jeff, I have no idea why I said that.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: I feel Jack’s hand on my forearm, and wish he would keep it there forever. It belongs there. But Jeff, you have to stop thinking like that. But this once… just let it stay there. As I finish speaking, and push aside the remnants of our McDonald’s feast, I suddenly feel like someone slapped me as Jack mentions that his dad loved me. How did he know?? I feel guilt churning inside. I don’t know how to respond, I feel off balance, but Jack continues as though it were no big deal, telling me about how close he was to his dad. He doesn’t even know his own nephew? Do his family really hold him in that much contempt? I can tell how much that hurts him. I wish… I wish… I could be his family for him. He shoves a nugget into his mouth, and then I laugh suddenly, “Not really an option for me Jack, since I’m an only child. But I tell you what.. How about I be your honorary uncle?” Oh fuck Jeff… what have you gone and said now? I feel like Jack’s state of intoxication has affected me deeply. I feel like I’m walking on thin ice. I reach out and give Jack’s shoulder a friendly squeeze, looking at him with a warm smile, hoping that what I said doesn’t upset him. I feel so awkward, trying to keep the right professional distance with a man that I was in love with.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: Jeff quickly pulls me back to the land of being happy. I’m so grateful to him, I’m 100% sure I’d have hit my emotional wall by now if I was on my own in my apartment. “Uncle Jeff..” I contemplate this. It sounds nice, I love him so much more than what is probably right considering he’s now my uncle, but for him to be something.. Anything to me, is wonderful. “Uncle Jeff..” I say it again, getting used to the words. “Sir,” I hold up one of my last fries, I eat so slowly when I’m pissed, and hold it to him as though to cheers with him. “It would be an honour.. Clink” and I devour the salty goodness. “I’ll be the best nephew you could ever imagine..” I cringe a little bit, knowing I’ve already done the exact opposite by allowing myself to get tortured and in need of rescuing. Oh shit.. Here it comes, I’m struggling now to fight the emotion. Save me, Jeff.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: I sit back, and watch with a smile on my face, and a deep sigh of relief as my comment about being Jack’s honorary uncle doesn’t upset him. Then, he raises a fry to toast me, and I can’t help but lean back and laugh out loud, long and hard. He is such a goofball. Then, when I calm down, and look over at him, I can see right away that his face has fallen, and something has upset him. Did he think I was laughing at him? Making fun of him? I start to feel nervous inside, the last thing I want to do is hurt Jack. The very last thing. I start to berate myself, you idiot Jeff, how careless was that? I lean forward, and put my arm around Jack’s shoulder, my face looking concerned, “Hey Jack, if I said anything to upset you, I’m really sorry.” I give him a hug.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I find myself zoning out as a cold darkness takes over my body, like all the happiness in the world has been sucked out by a giant vacuum. It dawns on me just how much I’ve put Jeff through, and just how much blame and hatred has been thrown at me from my family.. Oh fuck, I can tell what’s coming now, and Jeff doesn’t need to see it. Suddenly he takes hold of my shoulder and it brings me back from my void momentarily. I shake my head and hold his arm. “No, no, no, no… sir, you could never upset me.. I just..” I go blank, but inside my mind swirls with a thousand things. An endless ocean of things to say, to apologise for, to confess to.. Everything. Jeff’s hug is the final straw, that feeling of positive human contact, something I hadn’t felt since my dad, overwhelms me. I’ve failed my dad, and I’ve failed Jeff.. the only two people I’ve ever loved. Tears start forming in my eyes, and I know this is the end. Once they start, they never stop.. Not until I wake up the next day with a pounding headache and no memory. “I’m sorry, sir..” I don’t even know what I’m specifically apologising for.. Just everything, like a blanket apology to cover all my mistakes but that isn’t enough.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: “Oh my god, sir I’m so sorry for everything.. For putting myself in that situation and making you rescue me, for invading your house like this and turning your world upside down..” my head sinks into his shoulder as I cry and hold him. The emotion is relentless, but through all the sadness and regret is a fire of rage, aimed towards myself for constantly fucking up every fucking day. I hate this part. I hate myself. Each thought that passes through my mind causes me to cry harder. So fucking weak.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: Jack assures me that I hadn’t upset him, but something has, I feel him starting to stiffen, to withdraw inside himself. I feel pain and fear start to bubble up inside me…. So, Jack was one of those kinds of drunks, started out happy-go-lucky, but fell to pieces later on. Oh fuck. This was tearing me apart, as he apologized and apologized for everything, not even realizing how much joy he brought into my life just by being here. Then, he wasn’t even able to speak anymore, just wracked with tearing sobs. I switched into professional mode. I had to, otherwise seeing and feeling Jack’s pain was going to tear me into pieces. I had to be strong, for him. My own pain didn’t matter. Jack needed me now. I enfolded him in my arms, not letting him go, holding his head against my shoulder, gently rocking him telling him, “It’s okay Jack, it’s all okay. I want you here. I want you here. Nothing to be sorry for.” He just keeps crying harder, and my shirt is getting wet with his tears. So, I take the simple expedient of lifting him up, and holding him in my arms, cradling him gently and tenderly. I walk upstairs, and…. This time, I take him into my room, into my bed. I lay him out on my bed, and keeping my clothes on, I lay down next to him, and wrap him up in my hard, hairy arms, letting him feel my strength, my acceptance, my … love. I .. he… I … he needed this. He needed the human touch right now. This was related to his PTSD. I’d do this for anyone who was suffering like Jack. Sure you would Jeff, but … you wouldn’t enjoy it like you are with Jack. Oh fuck. I wanted to cry myself. That special pain.. That hurt… that came when I was so close to Jack, but couldn’t have him like that, was biting hard and deep. But I held Jack close, and tenderly, and gave him all my love, even though I couldn’t love him the way I wanted to. This would have to be enough.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: The tears fall fast and hard, my chest hurts as I son so hard. The sheer amount of emotion escaping my body is too much, built up over so long. I feel like I'm completely falling apart, and I'm suddenly reminded exactly why I'm so reluctant to drink. Jeff sweeps me up in his arms and takes me to a bed, and then holds me as I lose myself entirely. There's so much to say, so much that I need to get out. I've never been in the company of another person when I'm like this, so it stays internal.. spilling it all out is like an alien language. "I, I, I, I--" I splutter on my words. All I can think about is the incident, everything I did wrong and everybody I risked. I don't even know if Jeff can make out my words, they're so disguised under sobs. "I wish he had killed me before you got there.." oh fuck, the tears somehow hit harder. I can't believe I'm saying these words, but the tears are like a waterfall, an endless, violent stream. I can't handle the guilt of getting Jeff hurt, of wiping the CSIS finances and intel, and.. oh fuck. The agents. I'd exposed so many, and Philip's comment earlier.. it all comes rushing back. "And I swear, if I find out I k-k-k-illed or hurt any of those agents, I swear to God I'll k-kill myself--" the words are true, and not some drunken ramblings. My deepest darkest thoughts are spilling all over the bed. I hate myself for it, and I feel so bad for Jeff. I know I hurt them, I know I did.. but Jeff promises me I didn't. He's lying to me, he's protecting me. I'm a murderer, an embarrassment to my family, and the worst agent Jeff has ever met. "I s-s-swear!"

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: What I have to endure next is heartbreaking. It rips my soul into confetti and tosses the remains through a paper shredder. I hold him tight, as tightly as I can, turning to face him, so I was embracing him tightly, his lean, muscled chest nestled up against my own, hairy, hard chest, my arms enfolding him, wrapped around his torso, his head nestled into the crook of my neck as the terrible, violent sobs tore my boy apart. Agony and anguish rips through me as I have to listen to Jack wish that Derek had killed him. And then, my blood runs cold. Oh god no no no no… I know this was just Jack in a drunken depression, but he.. What if … already we’d lost Jackson. I swallowed, fighting for my own emotional control, brutally reigning in the despair and anguish that fought to break me, as the image of Jack’s dead body, dead by suicide nearly shattered me. Jack would not know about Jackson. Not until I was certain this was just an idle threat. It didn’t sound like an idle threat. And that terrified me. Made me feel totally out of control. If his family told him, I swear I’d kill them. I took a deep breath, held my boy against me tightly. I fought for strength, and I spoke, forcing my voice to stay calm and reasonable, as full of love and warmth as I could manage, “None of this is your fault, Jack. It is Derek’s fault. Derek is the criminal. Derek is to blame. This is not your fault. Let me say again, this is not your fault. You will heal from this. And I will be by your side every single fucking step of the way, because you are worth it. You have such talent, such potential. You are worth it boy. Don’t listen to those nagging, doubting voices in your head. Listen to me. You are worth it. This is not your fault. You will heal.” I hold Jack tighter and tighter, nearly crushing him in my hard, strong, fierce, loving embrace.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I fall apart completely even though Jeff holds me, like a drunken storm destroying everything in its wake. He tries his hardest and I hear his words, but nothing can penetrate this wall of self-hatred. I just have to cry it out and fall asleep. I fight him every step of the way, saying it was ME who went after Derek, ME who acted recklessly and selfishly.. I appreciate his efforts so much, and I love him so much, but this.. right now this is unfixable. I let everything out, crying so hard my head starts pounding after a while. Eventually, Jeff is able to soothe me and quieten me down, eventually leading to a tranquil sleep. The alcohol has served its purpose, it has provided me joy before pushing me over the edge, and now it has allowed me to sleep. All the pain, regret and sorrow subsides, allowing me a moment of peace. I have no dreams when I'm drunk like this, none that I remember anyway, like my mind has shut down to allow itself to heal properly. I sleep soundly in Jeff's strong, hairy arms, his body pressed to mine.. my sunshine piercing through the storm. My perfect Jeff.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: Despite my best efforts to reassure, to comfort Jack, nothing gets through to him. My own anguish and pain, my sense of helplessness builds inside me the longer this goes on. It’s as though I have to stand and watch my boy fall into a deep dark pit, without a rope to help him climb out. It’s heartbreaking. But finally, he cries himself out, and wrapped up tight in my arms, he falls to sleep. It’s then, after Jack has fallen into a deep sleep that I cry as I hold him, my tears flowing, tears of anguish, tears of sorrow, tears from my own special pain, as I hold him, love him, but he is behind a wall, and I can never have him like that. All of it combines and washes through me, and I cry on and off throughout much of the night. I barely get any sleep, but finally my own pain dies down to a dull, throbbing ache, and exhausted, I simply lay there with Jack held tightly in my arms, finally drifting off to an uneasy sleep sometime towards morning. I wake up, feeling Jack start to stir, as the morning light streams in through the window. I can tell I’ve slept in quite a bit, but I don’t feel rested. Immediately, I strive to regain control and whisper into Jack’s sleepy ears as he starts to wake, “How are you feeling, boy?” I keep him wrapped up tightly, just in case … in case … well, I keep him tightly wrapped for a while longer. Just because.

12:26 Agwnt_Jack_Young: I gently rouse from my sleep, but as soon as I begin to stir a debilitating pain throbs in my head. "Mmhhnnnn.." I moan as I wince in pain. Ohhhh FUCK it hurts. My eyes open and close a few times but each time they're greeted with light it's like a knife stabbing me in the eyeball. Fucking hell it's brutal.. I'm only like this when I have a hango-- oh no... I didn't.. not here in front of Jeff, tell me I didn't get fucking hammered. Then I hear his voice, whispering gently into my ear. Even through the pain it sends a tingle down my spine, having his lips so close to mine.. I can't enjoy it though, I feel like absolute shit. I can't believe I got drunk in front of Jeff, and judging by this hangover it was fucking bad. I opened my mouth to speak "I--" oh no.. speaking was a mistake. FUCK. I need to be violently sick, I can feel it. I quickly but cautiously step out of bed. Hold it in, keep it in.. it's churning and burning inside me. Oh holy fuck. I squint as I try and navigate my way out of the room, but Jeff is with me.. wait.. this isn't my room, there's an ensuite. FUCK! I slept in Jeff's bed last night!? No time to ponder, I dive into the toilet and collapse to my knees. Please look away, Jeff.. I never want you to see me like this. I make sure every single drop goes in the toilet, I'm not making a mess. It all comes out, and it feels horrible, burning my throat as the poison I flooded by body with is forced out into the toilet where it belongs. I stay a few minutes, making sure it's completely done. Fuck it's gross, I'm so sorry, Jeff.. I flush the toilet and swill my mouth out at the sink before returning to the room.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I perch delicately in the bed. I can barely think straight because of this fucking head, but I need to gather my words. "I.. feel like a sledgehammer has been smashed into my skull" I moan, holding my head in my hands. Right. Time to apologise, more than I ever have before. I look up at Jeff as I squint, opening my eyes fully is absolute agony but I NEED to look into his eyes as I say this. "Sir.. I'm so, so, so sorry.." my voice is weak and laced with moans of pain. "That was so irresponsible of me, and I never meant for you to deal with it. I was selfish. If I said or.." oh my fucking god. My love and lust for Jeff, did I... please tell me I didn't. "..did anything that offended, or upset, or annoyed you.. I'm so fucking sorry. It will never happen again". My words are only partly true. I make a promise here and now that I will never get drunk IN FRONT of Jeff again. It will be privately in my room, and only within reason. I'm not getting absolutely plastered. "I vaguely remember being really happy.. then.." oh fuck, the tears. Of course there were tears, I don't even need to question what they were over. Jeff held me when I woke up.. did he sleep with me as I cried? "Oh fuck.." I moan again, this is brutal. "I'm sorry, and.. thank you.."

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: Jack tries to speak, but then suddenly, he gets out of bed with that exaggerated sense of caution of a man determined not to be sick. I’m not surprised. What surprised me is how he managed NOT to get sick earlier. He stumbles into my ensuite, and shortly after the violent sound of retching echoes through my room. I step out of the room for a moment, wanting to give him some private time, to pull himself together, then grab a glass of water from the kitchen, and return with it in time to meet Jack as he returns from the bathroom. He looks awful, and somehow, I doubt I look much better after a night of violent emotions and no sleep. I feel like crap, not only for myself, but for Jack’s suffering. He moans in pain, and I wince in sympathy. I’ve had some bad hangovers in my day, I know what they feel like. Then, he apologizes, acting as though he was guilty of a felony rather than just getting drunk. I sigh, my heart heavy. It had been an incredibly emotional night, but once again, Jack needed me. I put my arm around his shoulder, the contact again sending shivers of delight up my spine, and gave him a friendly hug. “Jack, there is nothing to apologize for. If my family had treated me the way they treated you, I’d have wanted to get roaring drunk as well. Nothing to apologize about. And…” I chuckled slightly, using a bit of humor to try and lighten his mood, “...thanks for the McDonald’s last night.”

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I thank him for the drink as I take the glass from him. I take a good gulp of it as I listen to his words, then nearly choke on it when he mentions McDonald's. McDonald's!? Jeff is the last person I ever thought I'd witness having a McDonald's! "What?" I laugh, even though it hurts. "How on earth did I manipulate you into that?" I shake my head, smiling. If I had McDonald's last night then I was definitely a happy boy, and that almost makes me happy now. Bless Jeff, he must have put up with a lot last night, but he's still here nursing and supporting me. I love him so much. I need to have a few more hours to nurse this brutal hangover, and I apologise to Jeff for being antisocial. I keep the water next to me on the bed and settle down for another few hours of sleep, wasting my day in bed as I recover. If Jeff saw me for who I really was, without inhibitions, and still likes me today.. then that is something I need to treasure. Jeff has officially seen more of me than anybody else on this planet, and I'm so thankful for that. I just wish I could remember him last night.. maybe his walls came down, too. I won't probe, though.. Maybe I won't like the answers I receive. For now, sleep.. and pray this fucking migraine is gone when I wake.

33 Days After the Incident

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I'm shaking, this is.. terrifying, exciting and teasing at the same time. Today is the day I wrestle with Jeff. I feel physically able to give it my all, aches and pains won't stop me now, but.. I get to touch Jeff in a way I never thought was possible. To me, wrestling has always been identical to sex. It's weird though, but two men writhing against each other, their bodies sliding and grinding, muscles popping, voices moaning.. I don't understand how it could be described as anything else other than foreplay to sex, and doing it with somebody I love with my entire heart is going to be really fucking difficult. Jeff Rogers is gorgeous, he's my big, muscular hairy bear, and I want to be crushed in those arms and thrown like a ragdoll. But I also want to put my all into the fight, show him how strong I can be.. it all sounds so deliciously exciting, but I have to be so careful. He can NOT know how much I'm going to enjoy this. To him, this is exercise and physical rehab for me, nothing more. I didn't even know what to wear.. Jeff took me to my apartment during the first few weeks of being here to pick up some extra clothes and I grabbed a mixture of stuff, including some gym clothes. I needed something airy and flexible, so I chose a red tank top and black gym shorts. My arms and legs are exposed to the air to reduce overheating and allow movement. The tank top has a very low cut under my arms, allowing more of my body to get the air it will so desperately need as I start getting hot and sweaty.. oh fuck.. hot and sweaty with Jeff. This is going to be torture. I stretch in Jeff's home gym, making my body loose and ready for action. I don't know if I'm going to love or hate this.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: Well, today has finally arrived. The day I’ve been both dreading and longing. Jack’s physical recovery has proceeded to the point where he can start his combat training again. Resuming hand to hand combat training is a key part of re-building his self-confidence and self-esteem, helping him feel capable in the field. And this was all true… but the problem in this case was me. Being in close intimate contact with him for an extended period of time, touching his lean, strong muscle, feeling his body up against my hairy, hard muscle, smelling his scent, his sweat. I gulped. It was going to be a very special kind of torture. Not to mention that I sweat buckets at the drop of a hat, and I'd be subjecting Jack to my sweaty odor. I’d been told that I have a very powerful musk, especially when I sweat. I hated to overuse deodorants, since they made me break out in a rash. Instead, I just tended to take extra showers before I started training. Normally, it wouldn’t bother me that much, but with Jack, … it made me feel self-conscious for some reason. I suppose I could have sent Jack to the hand-to-hand training classes back at the CSIS, but I was too afraid that they might try to ostracize him, or even worse, they’d tell him about Jackson… except, it wasn’t just Jackson anymore.. I swallowed hard, trying not to think about that night when Jack threatened to kill himself if he’d… enough Jeff. Focus.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: I put on a simple white t-shirt, and a pair of grey track shorts, loose fitting. This would be in casual gear. I needed as much airflow as possible to help reduce my sweating. My chest hair spilled out over the low cut of the v in my t-shirt, as it always did, and my hairy, muscular arms were fully exposed. Then, looking at myself in the mirror, I repeated several times over, “You will not get an erection. You will not get an erection.” I would not. I would die of embarrassment if I got an erection with Jack. Oh man, this was going to be brutal. And this would only be the first of many. Jack would need daily training to recover his fighting fitness. I felt a wave of panic slam into me at the prospect of putting myself through this hell daily from here on out. And… I craved it with an intensity that shook me like a leaf in a gale. Oh, how I craved it. But whether I craved it or not was irrelevant. What mattered was that this was what Jack needed. I stepped out of the bathroom, and headed down to the basement gym. I walked down the stairs, and walked over to the mats off to one side, across from the workout equipment. I swallowed, feeling a sudden wave of nervousness as I looked Jack over. Fuck, he looked so amazing. Those eyes… he was so handsome. And his body… lean, tight muscle. And soon I would be touching it… JEFF, YOU WILL NOT GET AN ERECTION. Determined, I step forward, and with a nod and a warm smile to Jack, I dropped into a fighting stance, “Ok Jack, let’s put you through your paces. I’ve never sparred with you before, so this will give me a chance to gauge your skills. Let’s go!”

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: I move forward with a sudden surge, and already, before we’ve even properly started, I can feel my armpits start to get damp with sweat. Nerves… Fuck, I’m really going to do this.. My well-trained body operates on instinct as I move in, ducking and diving low, shooting forward, my arms outstretched, getting ready to wrap up Jack’s tight quads in my grip, a prelude to taking him down to the mats. I had been assured by the doctor that he was up for this, but it made me nervous, almost afraid I was going to hurt him. But I couldn’t hold back. I wouldn’t. Jack needed to be pushed now, not treated like a delicate piece of china. So push him I did.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: Jeff enters the gym wearing a tight-fitting white V-neck exposing the hair on his chest. Oh fuck.. it's a thing of beauty. I've had to come up with a horrible game plan to distract myself from getting hard during this.. I absolutely cannot enjoy it and get a hard-on in front of Jeff. I have no choice but to imagine Derek torturing my father before killing him.. it's the only thing so brutal and awful that will prevent me from getting aroused, and it will also fill me with a rage that will aid in my fighting. I don't know what he did to my dad, but there's no denying he had fun with him before he killed him.. this is going to be torture on so many levels.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: Jeff initiates his attack and dives at me. He's bigger and stronger than me, I have to give this my all. I start to back up as I brace for his impact, spreading my legs so that my weight is distributed correctly. He grabs a hold of my quads and begins to wrestle with me, he's so fucking strong. I give it everything I have and maintain my balance, taking a hold of beautiful hips as I try and use his weight against him to take him down. I have speed and agility on my side, and I plan on using it to my full potential. As we wrestle, I suddenly release my weight and drop to the floor, my back hitting the mat in-between his legs, hoping that Jeff was pushing against me so hard that he topples forward and over me, but I know he's skilled and experienced.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: I grunt as the boy takes a solid stance, keeping me from easily knocking him off balance. He drops down, and grabs my hips. I feel something brush my head. I swallow. I think that was his crotch. Oh fuck me. I dig my heels in and push forward, looking to drop him to the floor, my grip on his lean, hard quads feels so amazing. FOCUS JEFF. You aren’t here to feel him up. Then he suddenly stops resisting me, throwing himself to his back. I surge forward, but I’m well trained. Instead of overshooting Jack, I plant my hands on the mat to either side of his head, driving myself down, my hard, hairy arms absorbing the force like shock absorbers. With a grunt,and a heave, I throw myself hard to Jack’s left, looking to come down on top of his chest, looking to pin the boy down with my hairy chest right on top of his lean, muscled chest, and my legs sprawled off for balance and control off to his left side. The sweat stains are growing rapidly, and now my face has a light sheen of sweat. I’m loving this so much, but I’m terrified I’m going to lose control. I catch a whiff of Jack’s scent, and it smells so good. Oh fuck. FOCUS JEFF.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: Like an expert, Jeff catches himself and his hands come crashing down to the mat either side of my face. He towers over me and it's so fucking hot, his face is getting shiny and he smells so beautiful and manly. I feel him pressed against me-- NO. Derek.. what kind of things did he do to my dad, oh fuck.. what did he do to me.. he whipped me, and it fucking hurt. I picture Derek whipping my dad.. it's so fucking awful and I hate myself for imagining it, but I need to not get hard right now. It would ruin everything and I'd never live it down. I can hear my dad's cries of pain, but I also have to stay focused on the fight. Jeff has me on my back on the mat, that can only mean one thing. He's going to pin me, and as soon as he dives to my left, I roll to my right. I'd give anything to have his body pin me down, but I need to prove myself as a good fighter. I can't just roll over and let him beat me so easily.. I have something to prove first.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: as I roll to the right, I quickly bring myself to my feet. As I launch at Jeff, I catch him as he just gets to his feet, grabbing him in a front facing grapple with my hands around his shoulders and back of his neck. He feels so slightly damp and warm under my hand and I fucking love it. No. Derek, the whip. Stay focused, and stay soft down there. But fuck.. it's amazing. I wrestle with him as we stand, feeling every so slightly sore and achey, but pain is just pain. Nothing will ruin this.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: Fast, agile, excellent instincts. I’m impressed as Jack rolls to his right, out from under me. With practiced speed, I heave myself back onto my bare feet and spring smoothly up to a standing position. The sweat is pouring now, my t-shirt is starting to stick to my hairy chest from the damp sweat. The boy is fast, he’s right in my grill as I get my balance back, grappling with me, his hands on my shoulder and neck. For a moment, I feel a surge of desire flash through me, as I feel his strength and speed, his determination. Jack is incredible. Absolutely incredible. To my shock and horror, I suddenly feel my manhood start to slowly stiffen. I ruthlessly shove that reaction down, and almost in a panic throw myself back into the match. Acting on pure instinct, I twist into suddenly, smashing my left hip against his thigh, my hard hairy muscle exploding with well-drilled, combat trained power, deftly hooking my left arm under his pit, and heaving with power deep from my core, to toss him over my hip to land back first on the mat beneath me. For a moment, I’m shocked. I hadn’t quite planned to get that aggressive with him. I’m terrified that I’ve hurt him.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: The feel of my hands on Jeff's moist body is absolutely intoxicating, as is his musk. He smells like a man hard at work, and I want it all over me. Fuck, no. Don't. Derek and my dad, I need to keep playing that movie in my head. We grapple and wrestle, grunting as we both exert ourselves.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Jeff launches me over his hip as I go crashing to the mat. I grunt loudly as my sore bones smash against the mat. It was an incredible display over power and find myself wanting to get absolutely CRUSHED by him, I could turn into a fucking jobber right now for him. No, no, no, no... Don't think about it, don't let it show. I need to fight. I quickly wrap my left leg around his right, twisting with all my weight behind me to try and bring him down to the mat with me. Oh fuck, the feeling of my bare foot against his hairy and muscular thigh is an absolute dream. I need to bring him down, show him my strength.. Derek, dad, Derek, dad.. FUCK this is horrible!

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: My natural training and instincts are temporarily stunned by the fear that I’ve hurt Jack by being too aggressive. I start to move in to check on him, when his left leg shoots out, yanking my right leg out from under me with a clever twist. My hairy, sweaty body topples forward with Jack’s leg wrapped around my right leg. I feel a sense of relief that I’ve not hurt him. I let myself take the fall, pushing suddenly with my left foot to redirect my momentum so I fall on top of Jack. I carefully spread my arms to take the fall, not wanting to crush my boy beneath me. Sweat is literally pouring off me in rivulets now, my chest hair is wet and matted, and I wince, concerned that my musk is going to make Jack feel uncomfortable. I land on top of Jack, my right leg trapped in Jack’s left. Suddenly, shockingly I feel our crotches touch, grinding against each other. The sensation.. Is delightful. I want more of it. So much more of it… JEFF FOCUS. That special pain threatens to disrupt my concentration. I want him so badly, but I can’t… can’t have him.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: Shocking myself out of my stupor, I swing my left leg over to his right side, digging in, fighting to free my right leg, to get in full control of him. My right arm slides under his chin, leaving a trail of my sweat across his red shirt, as I try to push his head back, to distract him so I can break free and in full control. The whole time, my sweat is dripping off my head, and I look down into Jack’s eyes just in time to see several drops spatter in his face. I want to fall into those eyes. They are so beautiful. Everything about Jack is beautiful. I notice his red beard, his hair, his scent filling my nose. I feel suddenly, achingly painful. He’s so close, but I can’t have him.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: Jeff falls on top of me and it's everything I've ever wanted. I accidentally let out a moan of pure pleasure. I quickly realise what's happening and I turn it into a groan of pain, but.. fuck.. his crotch his pressed to mine. Jeff is literally on top of me and it feels absolutely incredible. I can feel myself stiffen but I HAVE to force it down by thinking my awful thoughts. His left foot digs into my right side as he pulls my head back. Fuck! He's really not holding back and I'm so thankful for that, he's absolutely pushing me to my limit and I'm loving it so much. But.. fuck.. there's no way out of his. "Aarrggh!" I grunt in pain and frustration, wanting so desperately to last longer than this. I have to unwrap my leg from around Jeff's. It's at this point that I'd get dirty and claw at my attacker to prize them off me, but I refuse to do that with Jeff. I struggle and squirm to get him off me but he's to heavy for me to do it. I build up so much sweat that each time our skin touches we just slide against each other. Oh fuck.. being held and manipulated like this by Jeff's hairy, muscular arms is astonishingly sexy.. I NEED him. His sweat drips onto me and I want bathe in it, I want to taste it.. I want hot, sweaty sex right here on the mat-- FUCK!!! I let my mind wonder and could feel myself getting hard. I close my eyes for a few seconds as I focus. What else did Derek do to me.. the knee drops, all of his weight collapsing onto my abs. Oh fuck.. I'm sorry, Dad.. I feel like I'm causing his pain by imagining this but I NEED to get this dick soft again. Derek drops his knee onto my Dad once, twice, three times.. I almost cry as I hear my dad's imaginary cries and coughs, similar to the noises I made in the same position. I hate myself for this. Fucking Derek, my attention turns to him as I play out the horrific scene in my mind. I feel my blood boil as I picture his face, smiling down at my writhing Dad. It gives me fight, a surge of adrenaline. I plant my knees and hands on the floor and try with all my might to lift myself and Jeff away from the mat, twisting myself and jerking to throw him off.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: Suddenly, as I’m struggling to get into a better position on top of Jack, my crotch brushes against his again. Once again, I’m stunned out of my concentration, knocked off my game as I realize that Jack has got a semi. That makes me dizzy. I know it’s just a natural reaction when some men wrestle, it doesn’t mean anything, but that makes it feel even worse for me. Harder to deal with. My attack falters as my guts roil with aching longing and sudden lust. I fight hard, horrified to realize my own manhood is starting to respond. NO JEFF. NO. YOU WILL NOT. Before I can realize what is happening, suddenly Jack heaves underneath me, and caught off guard, my hairy, sweaty muscled body flung off to one side, landing on my back, grunting, my shirt now practically stained with sweat. The landing throws me out of my lovesick stupor. And with a growl of aggression, I throw myself back into the fight. Fighting to stay objective, analytical.. C’mon Jeff.. for Jack. You have to focus for Jack’s sake!! You can do this… think… he’s good. Very good, good skills, good speed. Desperate not to focus on how handsome he is, how good he feels beneath me, how amazing he smells when my sweaty, hairy body is right up against him. My cock wants to stiffen again. NO JEFF. Think, analytically. Throw yourself into the session. C’mon focus. I spring back to my feet, falling into a fight stance, tight guard, circling cautiously, dripping with sweat, so much sweat, the mats becoming a hazard. Fuck I hate how much I sweat.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I'm panting and sweating, this is intense. "Shit.." As Jeff and I circle each other I take a quick moment to waft my vest, grabbing the bottom and flapping gently to create a breeze, briefly exposing my furry, taut gut. Fuck I need it off, but that would be weird. Would it? I feel like it's just getting in the way. No. The vest stays on.. the only thing worse than this whole situation would be doing it half naked. Jeff is pouring so much and it's beautiful, I want to be the mop that collects it all. I take a fighting stance again and continue circling him, wondering who will make the first move. I feign an attack, jumping at him before stepping back, hoping he takes the bait and I can follow up with another take down.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: I circle Jack, as he lifts up his vest, flapping it to try and cool himself down, exposing his beautiful abs, lean and hairy. God… I want to rub my hand on his belly. JEFF.. FOCUS… and then the scent… that scent wafting over to me, fanned by Jack, almost as though he were trying to seduce me with his musk. I felt unsteady, and my manhood once more wanted to surge. FOCUS JEFF. I threw myself back into combat mode, just in time as Jack suddenly lunges forward. I snap into the present moment, and recognize his feint right away. I surge forward as he retreats, my hand shooting out to grab his tricep, to prepare for a throw. But… my hand catches the sleeve of his vest, and as I yank hard to pull him off balance, to my horror, the shirt tears at the seam with a loud rip, tearing up the inseam and down the side of his shirt. Stunned, I’m left holding the tattered remains of Jack’s shirt, and suddenly staring at his bare chest. I swallow. The initials DS carved into his perfect chest hammer me right between the eyes. The sudden sight of those savage scars mutilating my boy catch me off guard, bringing a surge of pain into my heart. I gasp, “Uh,, Jack sorry… sorry boy. My mistake. I’ll get you a new one. Maybe I should take mine off so to level the playing field?” I wasn’t even thinking about what I was saying. I was just speaking to fill an awkward space.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: Everything happens in a blur, but suddenly I'm half naked as cool air whips my chest and abs. My vest is in tatters, and I can't believe what just happened. I suddenly feel a thousand times more aroused, as if that were even possible.. I smile awkwardly. "Sir, it cost like 5 bucks" but then my smile disappears in an instant when he offers to 'even the playing field'. My throat goes dry and I gulp hard. Fuck. I can't. He can't. I'd cum all over this may the second our bodies touched.. but it's so irresistible. I've only seen Jeff without his shirt on once, and it was only a glimpse. He came out of his room as he was putting a t-shirt on and I just caught him as he was pulling it down and hiding that fucking beautiful, thick, hairy body. Oh god. I need it. How the fuck do I respond without being creepy. I force a small chuckle. "I think it's only fair, sir.." I gulp, turning my back on him as I go for a drink of water. I need cooling down immediately, this is.. fucking intense. I down some cold water and pour some over my face, letting it drench my body and mix in with the hot sweat. When I turn back, Jeff will take his shirt off, I'm sure if it.. I feel like I'm about to be greeted with the best birthday present ever but I have to contain my excitement. Coolly, I turn back to face him and... Fuck.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: there he stands, I can't stare. I can't fucking stare. I'm staring. I'm just fucking staring at his beautiful body, thick and strong and furry and shiny, the sweat has matted his hair to his body. Oh fuck I need to lick every inch of it. FUCK I'M STILL STARING. I need to say something, anything to throw him off the scent. "You're like.." WHAT AM I DOING!? "..a bigger version of me.." I almost cringe at the words, but actually they are true. I suppose I have a younger version of Jeff's body, we're both hairy although mine is slightly lighter, but we're not particularly muscled. We're toned, but Jeff has years of size and age on his size, creating the absolutely perfect 'dad bod'. Fit, tight, large and furry like a bear. Oh fuck I need it on me. "Sorry.." I shake my head quickly as I remove myself from my trance. "You just made me so self conscious because you have clearly worked very hard on that.." FUCKING STOP TALKING! Focus. Oh god how do I even approach him, I'm practically shaking at the thought. "Want some?" I hold out the water bottle, making sure my eyes do NOT drift to his body again. That was so fucking awkward.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: Suddenly, I snap back to reality, wrenching my eyes off those awful initials carved into his beautiful chest. And, with mounting horror, I realized what I had just said… about offering to level the playing field. JEFF… WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. I fight hard to keep my cool. I can’t back down now. I hope… I fucking hope that I’m not making Jack uncomfortable. I swallow hard. Then, casually, as if it’s no big deal, Jack chuckles and agrees with me. I wish the earth would open up and swallow me. Just then, Jack turns and leaves to get a glass of water. I stand stunned, thinking of a way out of this. It’s not that I don’t want to take my shirt off. It’s the opposite problem. I want it too bad. Too much. I can’t… trust myself. OUr skin… touching… my hairy chest against his lean, lightly hairy muscle. Oh god. I WILL NOT GET AN ERECTION. But despite my best efforts, I’m stuck with a semi. I fight hard to make it go down, but it is stubborn. I resolve not to let Jack notice. It would not be appropriate.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: I swallow hard, with an enormous effort of concentration, I focus my mind on the goal: to assess Jack’s hand to hand combat ability and to begin building his fitness back up so he is ready for duty in a safe environment, free of ridicule. This is not about me. This is not about my longing, my lust, my love for Jack. This is about what Jack needs. This is about helping him achieve his potential. I take a deep breath, my head back in the game, as I pull my sticky, sweat-soaked t-shirt off over my head, revealing my hairy body. Fit, well-developed, but not a bodybuilder by any stretch of the imagination. Honest muscle, natural muscle, hard, hairy, and trained for action, not for show. Suddenly, Jack has returned. And he just stares at me. I feel a surge of embarrassment. He must think it’s so gross, the way my hair is wet and matted, soaked in my sweat. But his body… his body is perfect. Lean muscle, just a light touch of hair, his red beard. I need… NEED to feel him in my arms, to make love to him. JEFF FOCUS.. I snap out of it, and listen as Jack compares myself to a bigger version of him. Then he apologizes, I chuckle as I regain control of my reactions, instantly and smoothly moving to keep Jack from feeling self-concious. My concern and care for Jack’s comfort and well-being overriding my own embarrassment.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: He compliments my body, and I grin at him, “It gets the job done boy. And you have shown me already today that so can you. Very good speed and flexibility, excellent reaction times.” I take the water that Jack offers me and drink about half of it. Then, nodding, I put the water bottle aside on a bench, and move back to the mats. I keep my eyes off his perfect body. Then, I fall back into a fight stance surging forward, determined to keep pressing Jack, to push him hard. I keep my arms in tight as I bolt forward, looking to seize the back of his neck while my right foot swipes out with a burst of tricky speed to plant itself behind his left ankle, to force my boy to trip and fall to his back, with my hairy, sweaty muscle bearing him down.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I can't look. I've already stared for too long, I feel like I can never look at that body again, I've made it too weird. But god, keeping my eyes on his face is so difficult, made easier only by the fact that I fucking love his face too. He has a young face, younger than you'd think for his age. But his lines from years of hard work and rugged beard betray his youthful face, creating the perfect balance. I would only see him every few years, and watching him morph into this beautiful, bear-like man has been incredible. I loved him when he was a handsome, young agent standing next to my father.. and now I love him even more. Gorgeous, weathered but only slightly, strong.. oh fuck. The body. NO. Keep eye contact. He praises my performance so far and it means the absolute world to me, his approval is all I ever need.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: Enough chit-chat. It's time to get that body on me. FUCK. That is not what's important right now. He charges at me and I could instantly switch on my jobber mode. Oh to be floored by him and have his body smash and crush into mine. But no.. we're still here to fight. His hand clasps the back of my neck and he attempts to trip me up, but I refuse. I grip onto his neck in return to keep myself standing, if I go down then he's going down with me. Oh fuck that sounds like heaven. His neck is so moist and slippy.. I want to rub all the sweat on his body and cover my hands in it.. FUCK. I keep myself standing as I use Jeff as my anchor, but he forces me over his right foot that I have to trip. I try to keep a good grip on Jeff as I go down, applying my weight as I drop in the hopes of bringing him down with me.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: Trying to stay focused on the fight instead of how good Jack feels is not easy. It requires supreme concentration. He adopts a solid stance, resisting my initial effort to trip him up, and managing to get his strong, lean arms around my neck, his hands making solid contact. It’s almost like we are hugging. Fuck.. I’d love to hug him. JEFF.. STAY FOCUSED. I redouble my efforts, and use sheer size and power to overcome Jack’s resistance, but he drags me down with him. I’m going to land on top of him… Concern for Jack floods through me, and I break my grip on his neck at the last second to absorb as much of the impact as I can, but still my sweaty, hairy, powerful chest, the hairs all matted with sweat, slams into his own lean, tight, slightly hairy chest, coating it in my sweat. I feel so embarrassed, that is sure to gross him out.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: As I fall I feel Jeff coming down with me, and the anticipation of him landing on top of me is torture. I NEED him on me, and my wish comes true. Despite his best efforts, his sweaty, warm and hairy chest presses against my own. Oh fuck, don't let it show.. fuck! It feels so incredible, I need to keep him here forever. I wrap my arms around the back of his neck and hook my feet around the backs of his thighs, aggressively holding him against me as I rock side to side to wrestle him off. I don't put my full strength into it because I need to savour this moment, I can feel his abs sliding against my own as we fight and.. fuck.. I need to stop enjoying this so much, it's so unprofessional. I'm literally using Jeff as a sex object right now for my own sick pleasure. I can disguise it as wrestling all I like, but this is purely sexual for me right now. I feel ashamed of myself, and that keeps my boner at bay. I know Jeff won't pick up on this, but I know exactly what I'm doing and its wrong. His face is so close to mine.. I want to kiss him so hard right now, and lick the sweat off each others bodies before exploding all over the mat. I knew this was a mistake, the torture is even worse than I was expecting it to be.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: Jack wraps his arms around my neck and hooks his feet around the backs of my thighs. FUCk… we are so close… practically every part of our bodies are touching each other. My sweat and musk are coating him as much as me. He feels so good… so very good… just being close to him… this close to him is a gift I never thought to experience. He rocks side to side, probably desperate to get my sweaty body off him. But I don’t want to move. I want… to be closer. Suddenly, I feel my cock starting to get semi hard. And I panic… Terrified of having you feel my stiff cock, terrified of the consequences, I heave suddenly, driving my knee down to your left side, reaching back with my right arm to quickly pry your left leg off my right leg, giving me enough space to twist my leg free from your other hook. Then, I squirm forward suddenly with a blast of speed, not thinking, just reacting from panic, not wanting my crotch to be in contact with yours. I end up mounted high on your chest, my knees digging deep under your armpits, breathing heavily, I look down, right into your eyes. Streamers of sweat are pouring off my forehead dripping of my chin, and splashing on Jack’s face, some of the drops falling in your mouth. I kneel their, suddenly frozen in shock. My crotch… is practically hovering over Jack’s chin, right next to his mouth, as though I’m about to teabag him with my balls. JEFF… WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING. I’m mortified… Oh fuck me now.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: Some of Jeff's beautiful and salty sweat finds its way into my mouth and over my face, and it's so fucking hot. His crotch sits just below my chin and I want nothing more than to take him in my mouth right now. For a few seconds I don't do anything, I just enjoy the moment of having Jeff here like this, but I have to do something. In an "attempt" to get him off, I place my open hand against his abs.. OH FUCK. My sweaty palm presses against his beautiful body, and it feels thick and hard. I'm not in a position to get out of this, there's not much I can do. But he can't see my crotch, and he can't feel it from where he is, and thank god because it certainly isn't soft anymore. I couldn't possibly in a position like this.. but in terms of wrestling there's not much else I can do. I try and bring my feet up to hook around his shoulders but they won't reach, so I just keep pushing.. both of my hands pressing and pushing against his gorgeous body. If I'm not careful I could so easily explode everywhere just by doing this.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: Jack squirms under me, placing his palms against my hairy, sweat-soaked abs. His touch feels warm and tender, I want his hand to stay there. His scent is wafting up to me, filling my nose. I’m staring down into his eyes… He’s trapped now. I have him. I try to focus, but I’m having extreme difficulty. This is so painful, being this close to him, fighting my own lust, my own desires, fighting to stay focused to keep this professional, mortified that he will be grossed out by all my sweat. He pushes with both hands against my body, doubling the contact, doubling the pleasure. Suddenly, I snap out of my fugue. C’mon Jeff. For Jack. Stay in the game for Jack. This isn’t about you. It’s about Jack. I drop down then,letting my fight instincts take the fight to the next logical step. I push my knees back slightly, forcing Jack’s hands off to the side in the process, as my knees slide to either side of his obliques, and my hairy, strong left arm shoots behind his neck, locking onto my right elbow, as my right hand locks on to Jack’s left elbow, sinking in a front face choke. I stare down into his eyes, and slightly flex my biceps, the pressure driving into the side of Jack’s neck in a sleeper choke. I carefully control the pressure, not wanting to hurt Jack. That’s the reason I tell myself. But suddenly I became aware of my hairy chest, the fur matted with sweat, in full contact with Jack’s chest. And my package… pushed down suddenly, just above Jack’s package. To my horror, I’m starting to get stiff again. All the contact… the scent… the sweat…. His eyes… I love him so much. So much. The real reason I’m controlling the pressure is to make this moment last forever.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: Jeff changes his position and puts me in a chokehold.. being choked by sweaty, half-naked Jeff.. this can't be real. This is a fucking dream. Everything I've prayed for since I was 14, and now it's happening. Oh fuck I want him to choke me harder, and fight me for real. I'm surprised at myself for being this rough in my mind, but I would let Jeff hurt me, even in some ways that Derek did. Despite being terrified and ashamed at the hands of Derek, if it was Jeff in his place then I would happily suffer at his hands. What the fuck am I thinking? Jeff applies only slight pressure and I can tell he's being gentle. His beautiful, hairy and sweaty body presses and slides against mine. How can people say wrestling isn't an imitation of sex!? This is perfect. I struggle and squirm under him, still showing some fight. I'm not strong enough to break free of his grasp though, and in real situations like this I'd be hitting and punching, but this is a wrestling match and I'm not getting aggressive like that without permission from him. I have no other choice but to tap out, but I need to feel this for a moment longer. I take it for as long as I can, without it looking strange that I haven't tapped yet, and hit the may three times with my hand. "Ok, ok.." I chuckle. "You win this round.." I had no way out of it, he outsmarted me. Oh fuck I could cum.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: We are … joined together, my hairy, hard muscled chest, soaked in sweat is grinding against Jack’s tight, slightly hairy chest. My sweat is soaking him, I’m sure it’s grossing him out. This is so embarrassing, and my cock is getting harder, despite my every effort to stay focused. It’s just… it’s just all too much for me. We are slipping and sliding, our bodies grinding, how can I control myself? I’m going to die of shame. And I don’t want to hurt him, but I increase the pressure just a slight bit more. There is no way out of this, but he’s stubborn, refusing to tap. I frown, worries, then suddenly he taps out, and he chuckles as he does it. With a deep pang of regret, I wish I could stay here forever, and a pang of relief that the torture will end, I release the front face choke, and roll off of him. I turn aside, my back to him as I stand up, blushing fiercely as I “adjust” my boys and my manhood so it’s not so obvious that I’m hard, then I turn back and reach my hand down to help Jack up. I slam a tight lid on all the emotions churning around inside me, and focus on being warm, encouraging, and friendly. Thoroughly professional. This is for Jack. This is about Jack. Not about me. As I reach out my hand, I speak up, “Well done Jack. You defended yourself with skill and persistence. Keep training with that attitude and you’ll be at my level, or even beyond, in time. And… “ I look so embarrassed, “... I’m really sorry about the sweat.”

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: Jeff rolls off me as I tap and I suddenly feel so sad.. I could have stayed there forever, but if I didn't tap he'd have probably started wondering why, why was I prolonging the inevitable? He might have latched on to the fact that I was having the time of my life. Suddenly he stands and offers me his hand. I almost moan in delight, the chance to touch him again. I take his hand and get to my feet. I shake my head. "I don't think I'll ever be beyond you!" And I wave off the sweat comment, Jeff never has to worry about that with me. I fucking loved every second of it. "Don't worry about it, I think we need a cold shower or something though.." I look him up and down again whilst he's not looking. Oh fuck. I need to touch him again, I'm going to explode thinking about this later. "So.. is it round 2? Or is that it for today?"

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: Jack looks like he’s almost glowing with happiness, once I finally get over my own embarrassment to really take a close look at him. He doesn’t seem the slightest bit grossed out by my sweat or my musk. I wonder.. Did he… actually enjoy it? I stare down at the mats for a moment to process this. He mentions a cold shower, and I look up, grinning suddenly, certain he is referring to how much I sweat and wanting more. “A shower for sure, boy. And as for round 2.. I think that can wait until tomorrow. I want you to check in with your body and see how you feel as you come out of the zone. We went pretty hard for your first session back, and I’m sorry about that. I might have been too aggressive.” I put my arm around his shoulder, and give him a friendly squeeze, like I might do with one of my other sparring partners after a hard match. But this is different in so many ways. I love him, love his touch, and .. I’m afraid of it at the same time. I’m afraid it will make me want him too badly. I feel shaken, deeply, by how unprepared I was for our first session. The truth is I need time to process how strong my desire for him is. I’m holding onto my calm professional demeanor only just. Next time, I have to do better. I have to control my urges, my impulses for his sake. This is all about Jack. What Jack needs. Not what Jeff needs.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: Jeff prefers to wait for round 2, allowing my body to calm down and evaluate what pain it is in. I understand, but I'm also gutted I don't get to play with his body more today. Oh fuck.. I need to go and sort myself out immediately. Then his arms gently come over my shoulder and I feel like I could explode again, his hot and sticky side pressing against mine. It's too much. "Ok, good plan. I'm gonna hit the shower.. Thank you for today, sir. I really needed that.." I don't just mean it in a sexual way, I appreciate the physicality of it and how it pushed me to be better. Aches and pains are nothing to me now, and I needed more moments like this. But, for now.. I need to get something out of my system. I head up the stairs and slip into the bathroom where I shower, across from my room. No, Jeff's spare room.. don't get too comfortable, Jack. I throw everything off, getting stark naked as I can FINALLY put my hands on my dick. It was getting harder and harder as I ran towards the bathroom, knowing what was coming. I think about everything that just happened, Jeff's feel and smell, the taste of his sweat, our bodies pressed together. Oh fuck, everything about it was just perfect.. I take it even further in my mind, imagining him doing all manner of things to me, feeling him abuse and overpower me with his strong, thick, muscular, hairy, gorgeous-- FUCK!! All over the wall tiles, I missed the toilet completely. Ohhh fuck, that had been stored up inside me since I woke up this morning. I take a few seconds to catch my breath and get over the light headedness.. fuck me that was beautiful. I quickly clean it all up, feeling bad for creaming like that in Jeff's lovely bathroom, but it's all cleaned up now. I step into the shower and put the water on lukewarm, just enough to cool me down without freezing my ass off. I loved every second of today.

Published: 2021-04-22, viewed 35 times.