Agents Universe

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: I paced back and forth in my office. The last two months, since Jack and I had started hand to hand combat training, had been a process of slow and steady recovery for Jack, both physically and mentally. We’d been training nearly every day on the mats, and in the gym, and his fitness had reached, and possibly even exceeded, his pre-incident levels. I was proud of him, he had thrown himself into his recovery with a ferocity and determination that justified every ounce of the potential I saw in him. But… the inevitable had arrived. The ultimate test of everything we had worked for over the past months was nigh. I had held off the Parliamentary Intelligence Oversight Committee for as long as I could. But I couldn’t protect Jack from those vultures any longer. He was ready to return to duty. I knew he was. But if I signed off on his readiness to return to duty before the interview, all hell would break loose. There was nothing for it. I had to arrange the interview now. It had been scheduled for tomorrow morning, on Friday. Then, if everything went to plan, Jack would return to the office next Monday.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: His mother and family, along with the other directors would be in the visitors gallery for the grilling. But that was fine. I would be along for the interview as well, and I would shield him and prevent the MPs from asking inappropriate questions. Jack could take this. I knew he could. I would be there to help him. But… that wasn’t the problem. The problem … the problem was that I couldn’t hide the death toll from Jack any longer. 10 agents had been killed as a result of intelligence stolen from us by Derek Steel. My mind flashed back to the night when Jack had gotten plastered, to the drunken pledge he’d sworn to kill himself if he ever discovered that men had died because of his breaking to Derek. Those words, to this day, were a cold, icy fist clamped around my heart, a terror that I could barely face. I took a deep breath. I had kept the truth for him as long as possible, but I couldn’t any longer. Together, we would face the fallout. I swore to myself that I would not let him harm himself, no matter what. If something happened to Jack… I couldn’t face it. I felt sick with fear at the conversation we were about to have. I couldn’t face it… I wasn’t strong enough… I … JEFF. Pull yourself together. This is a combat situation. You are fighting for Jack’s future here. You will be strong. You will do what must be done. Your own fears are irrelevant. All that matters is Jack. You will be strong, warm, caring, supportive. You will. You will do this for Jack. I breathed in deep, and adjusted the tie on my shirt. I had just returned from the office, and was still dressed in my dress slacks, dress shoes, business shirt and tie. I nodded my head, and quickly cracked my neck, heaved my shoulders back, and strode to the door, with the grace and purpose of a trained fighter. This was a battlefield, these next two days, they were a battlefield for Jack’s soul, his future. I would not let him down. I called out the door, across to Jack’s room, “Jack, can you come to my office for a few minutes? I need to talk with you.” The explosion of nerves and anxiety, the fear bubbled up inside me, but I kept it all under control, focusing on my love for Jack. I would be here with him.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I curse silently in my head at Jeff's slightly early arrival home. I'd been cooking all afternoon, preparing something I really think he'd enjoy. I've learnt a lot about him over the last 3 or so months, and I think I know his tastes now. I went out and bought the ingredients this morning, and it's just finishing off in the oven. Should be done in about 30 minutes.. I wanted to surprise Jeff with a ready played meal when he got back. I've been so bored at home during the day, I needed something occupy my time and throwing myself into making a perfect 'thank you' meal was just the job. I'd been saying to Jeff that I'd cook one day, and I'm finally making good on that promise. In half an hour he will be presented with a slow-cooked Hungarian goulash, something I really think he'd love. He likes hearty, fresh-cooked and warming meals, so it seems perfect. When I was younger, our nanny used to make it for us after looking after us boys all day. I don't think Mom has ever cooked a day in her life. But now Jeff is back about an hour earlier than he usually is and the surprise is ruined, unless he didn't smell it when he came in. Sometimes when he gets in after a really shit day at work he seems really stressed and probably wouldn't notice such things.. I don't envy his job at all. I don't know how he's kept it all together.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: Suddenly, his voice calls to me from his home office. This is.. unusual. There's a strange tone to his voice, like it's a work request. Something is clearly on his mind.. oh fuck.. my stomach twists. "Yes, sir!" I call as I head towards his office. Even in the few steps it takes my mind has reached a thousand conclusions.. did he lose his fight? Am I fired? Am I being moved to another department? Oh fuck.. I'm going back to the academy to be retrained.. oh fuck I just finally started feeling okay about it all. I had finally forgiven myself for what had happened. I still felt so guilty over Jeff getting hurt, but he's fine now. The money that was taken was replaced after a lot of input from the government and other sources.. everything had pretty much resolved to my knowledge, but.. now I'm not so sure. How can a few words from Jeff's mouth trigger this in me? Everything's fine.. I step into the office and smile at Jeff but I can feel it's weak, and he looks.. pained. It's bad, I know it is. "Welcome home.. is.. everything ok?" Heart racing. Palms sweating. 'I need to talk with you' can only mean one thing.. bad fucking news.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: I hear Jack’s voice, as he starts to head up the stairs. I love the sound of his voice, I love everything about Jack. The torture of living with a man I love but can never have in the way I want has been so hard these last few months. But… I would do it all over again for the chance to help Jack recover, to heal, and achieve his potential. But now… I have to put his entire recovery at risk. And I have no choice. He steps in with a weak smile greeting me. He knows, he knows something is up. I reach for deeper levels of self control, and gesture at Jack to sit down in the chair next to my desk. I pull my own office chair out, and sit facing Jack. I lean forward on my elbows, a bit of chest hair spilling out over the collar of my shirt. I stroke my beard, structuring how I’m going to explain the situation to him. Then, I reach out and put my right hand on his thigh. I want him to have human contact as I speak. “So, first, the good news Jack. You are, in my opinion, and in your doctor’s opinion, fit to return to work. The current plan is for you to resume your duties on Monday.” I take a deep breath. “You have focused on your recovery with a dedication and level of effort that makes me proud. You have exceeded my expectations. Your father would have been so proud, boy.” I almost wince, there I go again, calling him boy. Fuck Jeff, keep it together. “However, there is one unpleasant duty the both of us must get through before Monday. Tomorrow morning, you and I will be questioned by the Parliamentary Intelligence Oversight Committee about the details surrounding our involvement in the Incident.” As I speak my hand is firmly, gently squeezing his knee, letting him know that I am here with him.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: Jeff's actions are really concerning me, he's sitting opposite me and resting his hand on my thigh.. I love how it feels and I love being this close to him, but.. something's wrong. He's about to break something bad to me. Then he tells me how proud he is, and how proud my father would be and I start to light up a bit. I'm so happy that I make Jeff proud, I've tried so hard to prove myself to him.. but I know this is all just the quiet before the storm. Jeff has something else on his mind, then he mentions the committee meeting and I almost breathe a sigh of relief. An interview? It could have been much worse, but my stomach still twists at the thought. "Oh, fuck.." I take a breath. "I guess I couldn't avoid it any longer.." they're going to rip me to shreds. "I suppose I gotta face the music at some point though, right?" I knew I couldn't avoid being interviewed by someone, somewhere down the line. But I fucked up big time and deserve to have a stern telling off from someone, no matter how hurtful and embarrassing it may be. Money wiped, Jeff hurt, covers blown.. it could have all been so much worse but that doesn't take away from the damage I did cause.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: I listen, tense inside, to Jack’s response. Overall, he seems to take it rather well. Good. Now, for the hard part. My hand stays on Jack’s thigh, and the contact is warm, reassuring. Not just for him, but for me. This is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to tell someone. I feel terrified. I can’t keep Jack’s drunken pledge to kill himself if… I swallow hard. I’m battling fear and terror right now, this could break Jack. I don’t know how I can live with myself. But ultimately, I have faith in my boy. He is strong, strong enough to handle this. And I won’t let him hurt himself. I take a deep breath. “There’s more Jack. Something else that is bound to come up at the interview tomorrow morning.” With a supreme effort of will, I pushed aside the rising fear, and plowed on, keeping myself as open, as warm, as supportive and loving as I could. For Jack. This is all about Jack right now. “Since the incident, ….” C’mon Jeff. You can do this. “...10 agents whose covers were blown have gone missing, presumed dead.”

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: My relief turns to fear again when Jeff says there is more to discuss. Oh shit.. what is it.. I can already feel my throat closing, he's never spoken to me like this before, like he's preparing for a massive fall. What the fuck could it be? Then.. he speaks his piece and the world seems to slow around me. I feel like a whole year passes by before I'm even able to react to what he just told me.. I.. I fucking.. oh my god.. I can't breathe, I can't even balance on the seat properly.. I sink to my knees on the floor, "I-- I--" my mind is racing but my heart has stopped, there's no air going into my lungs anymore. My chest is tight and painful, I'm breathing through a fucking straw.. "No, no, no, no, no, no---" it's all I can say. 10 agents. Killed because of me. Because I was stupid and reckless. Now 10 agents are gone. I'm not crying, and I don't know why. I feel numb and in agony at the same time, I can't even compute what's happening to me. "No, no-- please, I--" my hand grabs at my chest as it feels like it's about to explode. My breaths are quick and shallow, I've suddenly gone to 1000 degrees... I'm still not fucking crying, my body has just gone into shock. "No, no, no.." WHY IS THIS ALL I CAN SAY? I have never been hit with such a stabbing feeling of overwhelming guilt in my life, I hated myself before but this is a new level. This is a self-destructive level. I can't.. I can't deal with this, I can't live with this.. forever in the knowledge that 10 good men died, probably quite slowly and brutally, because of me.. I need to die, I need to just stop. I want everything to disappear, and more than ever I wish Derek fucking Steel had killed me before I had a chance to be rescued. Here comes the tears filling my eyes. I want to drown in them.. I want Jeff to kill me right here and now. "I-- CAN'T--" my chest is on fire but I fucking deserve this pain, I want to grab something sharp and thrust it into my body, I want to slice open a vein, I want to.. the thoughts just make me cry harder. I thought I'd hit rock bottom before, but this.. this is bottom.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: I brace myself, I try to prepare for the worst,, but unfortunately Jack’s reaction exceeds what I had thought the worst could be. He suddenly slides out of his chair falling to his knees. And all he can say is no, over and over. Inside me, a wave of panic and fear threatens to shut me down, eating me from the inside out. Being forced to witness this collapse of my boy, this shattering of him is ripping through me like the shrapnel from a frag grenade. Frozen in horror, as all my worst fears about how this might affect Jack begin to come true, I can’t move. I can only watch in stunned shock as Jack begins to experience a full blown panic attack, his breathing going shallow. Then suddenly, he bursts out in tears, and like a slap in the face, I snap out of my paralysis. I breathe again, and suddenly, I’m on the floor in front of Jack, my hard, hairy arms wrap around him, and I pull him in close to me. This is savage. It is brutal. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to watch Jack suffer like this. With an almost savage fury, I fight through the all-consuming panic with a ruthless focus on Jack’s needs. This is not about me. This is about Jack. I hold him tight, a savagely tight embrace. In a hard voice, full of authority and command and love, I growl into his ear, “THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT JACK. DEREK FUCKING STEELE DID THIS. HE WILL PAY. HE USED YOU. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. DO YOU HEAR ME?”

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I can't even focus on anything around me, I'm so consumed by this self-destructive internal violence that all I can think about is how much I hate myself, and I want this all to be over. Jeff holds me tight and I only half hear his words. I fought desperately to catch my breath and speak through the pain in my chest. "IT-- IS-- MY FAU--" I break down again. "I WENT AFTER HIM! I DID THIS--" oh fuck it hurts, like my chest has exploded in my chest and my body doesn't know what to do. I did this. I caused this. Jeff has blamed Derek for too long, everybody else knows this was my fault. "I CAN'T DO THIS--" I trail off into aggressive sobs again.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I need to end this. I can't ever live with myself knowing I caused the death of 10 good men, it's the worst feeling I've ever had. Worse than dad's death, worse than Jeff getting hurt.. it's like every bone in my body has been broken simultaneously and I will never walk properly again, never talk, never.. be the same. I'm done. And I know exactly what to do, but.. I need Jeff gone. Fuck.. he's never going to leave me, and fuck I still can't breathe. I need to be manipulative, and I hate what I'm about to do. I'm so fucking sorry, Jeff.. I have no choice.. "w-water.. p-please get me so--" oh fuck, I'm doing this.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: I can feel Jack’s violent sobs and the shaking of his deep emotional pain. I’m in full on combat mode now, my emotions shoved off into a corner, that fierce, fiery, cold determination to do what needs done front and center. It’s the only way I can function. I hold him fiercely as he protests, continuing to blame himself for what happened. I strain my mind, trying to think of some way to get through to him. He gasps out suddenly, begging me for a glass of water. Jack is a fighter. He’s fighting this he’s trying. I know he can do this. He’s trying to fight it. I gently release him, and leave the room, heading downstairs to get a glass of water. That’s when I smell something absolutely delightful coming from the oven. I peek inside, and realize that Jack must have been planning to surprise me. It was a hungarian ghoulash. I shut the oven, fighting back tears at the evidence of his kindness. I poured a glass of water, and made my way back to my office. Hopefully Jack was ready to talk this out.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: Jeff slips out of the room and I hate myself for manipulating him this way, but I can't go on like this. I'm so overcome with guilt and I know in my heart, in my fucking soul, that I can't live on like this. Plagued and haunted by the ghosts of these men every day of my life.. I'm a coward, but I need to do this. As soon as Jeff reaches the bottom of the stairs I stumble to my feet, tears pouring and heart throbbing. I make my way swiftly to my room in a panic and open my bedside table. As soon as I was able to, I took responsibility for my own pain medication, and after having weaned myself off the morphine I was left with a small supply.. enough to finish me off if I took it all in one go. I grab at the boxes, but the tears in my eyes blur the words and I can't even be certain which tablets they are.. were they in the blue or yellow box? Fuck it, they'll all do the job. My fingers tremble as I desperately clutch at the boxes and tear them open, accidentally ripping the foil tray and spilling some tablets everywhere. Fuck.. fuck.. FUCK FUCK FUCK, I can barely operate. I feel so fucking determined to do this, I even grab one tablet and bring it to my lips, but.. I can't. I don't know what the fuck is stopping me, but I can't do it. I break out into more sobs as I sink slowly to my knees again and hold onto the bedside table. I'm too cowardly to even go through with this. I have every opportunity here to do it, Jeff is still downstairs, there's nothing to prevent me.. but my body refuses to cooperate. I hate myself for not going through with it, I so desperately want to end this pain inside my mind.. I drop the tablets and boxes on the bed and cry in frustration. It niggles at my mind, some evil voice saying "do it, do it, do it".. I want to listen to it, more than anything.. but I just cry. A coward. I can't face the guilt, but I also can't face death. Coward.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: I walk into my office, but there is no sign of Jack. Panic seizes me. I call out, “Jack! Jack, where are you?” I look wild eyed, then, hear the sound of sobbing from Jack’s room. I rush into his room, and look at him, crumpled on his bed, crying, surrounded by boxes and tablets of medication. I’m seeing white for a moment, sheer terror and panic consuming me. With another huge wrench of supreme effort, I regain control of my senses, and switch back into combat mode. Emotions must go into the corner, over there. Strength, warmth, support. You have to be there for Jack. Quickly, efficiently, as though this were a crime scene, my eyes examine the packaging. I see morphine tablets spilled everywhere, and more importantly, they were the same number of tablets that came in a pack. With cold ice piercing my heart, I reached down, and lifted Jack up off the bed, cradling his lean, muscled body in my arms as though he were a child, I held him to me fiercely, and whispered in his ear, “Jack, please, tell me you didn’t take any of those tablets.” My voice was warm, and yet laced with fear. I was ready to induce vomiting if I needed to. I would not let him harm himself. I would not. We would work this out. Jack was stronger than he knew. He would come through this, and I would be at his side. I needed to keep repeating that to myself, over and over to make it true.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I hear Jeff come back up the stairs and call out to me. The stab of fear he must have felt when he didn't see me is a selfish act on my part, and I hate that I nearly put him through that.. but I also don't care. The only thing I can think right now is how desperately I want to stop existing, for everything to fade to black and for Jack Young to become nothing but a bitter memory in everyone's minds.. but I'm still here, and I'm still hurting. Somewhere in this shroud of anger and sorrow, I find the willingness to give Jeff an answer. He deserves an answer after everything he has done for me, and I manage to shake my head twice, telling him I didn't take any. "I-- want to--" I still can't speak. I thought Jeff's days of holding me as I wept were a thing of the past. I hate that he still has to do it, he must be so fucking sick of it by now. Just constantly seeing me as this ugly, blubbering mess. I feel the urge to do it again.. to reach for the tablets and follow through this time, but he wouldn't let me. Not in a million years.. unless.. I dig deep into my gut and find my voice again. "Please--" I sob, "let me.." through the tears covering my eyes, I can see the shapes of the boxes and tablet trays. Just a few, that's all it takes. "I can't live with this.." I have no idea if my words are coherent or not, but my body still fucking hurts as air builds and builds inside me with no way of releasing through my sobs.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: I hold him tightly, nearly crushing him against me, keeping a tight lid on the fear and terror that threatened to rip my soul apart. Jack was teetering on the edge. He.. wanted … NO. I carry him as he his ripped apart by sobs back to my room, and I lay him down on the bed. I cradle him tightly in my arms, hugging him fiercely. I need to be brutal right now. I need to cut through everything he is hearing and feeling. He needs to listen. “You can live with this. I can live with your father’s death, and many others. Many men have died because I wasn’t good enough. Because I wasn’t strong enough. Because I wasn’t smart enough. I carry their weight on my soul. But I won’t give up, or give in. Instead, I fight harder, to do better, to honor their memories. You are strong Jack, stronger than you know. You can do this. And you don’t have to do it alone. I’m with you. I’ll help you bear this. Together, we can do this.”

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: Jeff takes me in his strong arms and carries me through to his room, laying me on the bed as he continues to hold me. I listen to his words, and I recognise a glint of guilt as he talks about his career. I understand death is a part of this job, I could get killed at any moment and so could Jeff, but.. I can't wrap my head around the idea that this may not be my fault. I went after Steel, I got myself caught and I broke under his torture. This would have all been avoided if I hadn't been reckless and childish, and I know in my heart that no matter what Jeff says to me, it will never change that fact. There's no more words for me to say. I could keep going and going and going for hours, but.. I can't say them, I'm so defeated. I feel the darkness swirling inside me and eventually my tears run dry. I've cried myself out and now I'm just.. empty. Vacant, like a ghost. I have no desire to speak, to cry, to live.. just a shell of Jack held tightly against Jeff's body. It's a familiar feeling, and it's an awful one.. but now I'm simply existing in Jeff's hold. I don't feel tired to sleep, I've got no appetite to eat. I just lay there and stare at the wall.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: Sometimes there isn’t anything you can say to get through to someone who is lost in their own sense of guilt-ridden pain. I know there is nothing I can say that Jack will listen to. But I won’t give up on him. I love him too much to give up on him. I hold him, fiercely, as he cries himself out. Grimly, with a determination as fierce as any I’ve brought to bear in a life or death situation in the field, I hold onto Jack. I won’t let him go. I won’t release him. He might think he is alone, he might think he has to face this alone, but I will stay here and hold him against me for as long as it takes for him to realize it isn’t true. Finally, after night has descended, and the stars are out, I speak again, softly. “I’m not going anywhere, Jack. I’ll stay right here and keep you locked up in my arms for as long as it takes you to realize that you will not face this alone. As long as it takes. You will find your strength again. I know you will. Until then, you will have to rely on mine. I’m not giving you a choice.”

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: My eyes drift to the window where I can see the stars twinkling and half-moon glowing. The silence that filled the room is broken by Jeff's soft voice, speaking only words of support and encouragement.. I don't understand it, but I love it. I don't deserve it, but I will treasure it. I have no energy or desire to form the words to tell him as such, but all I can mutter is a "thank you, sir.." and let the silence full upon us once more. Tonight is going to be tough, and tomorrow will be even worse.. with each day that passes, I fear this weight will grow heavier. Jeff promises to share that weight, but that only adds to my guilt. He's done so much for me, I can't ask him to do anymore.. but for now, I have no energy, and I'm completely numb. I will have to try and sleep and prepare for the worst tomorrow.. as if it could get any worse right now.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: Long into the night I lay there, holding Jack in my arms, still wearing my work clothes. He was such a kind-hearted man, and the lives of those ten agents had wounded him so deeply. I felt his pain like a heavy burden that was too much for him to bear, but he had just shut down. He needed to learn how important it was not to bear these burdens by himself, but he was so stubborn… and so conditioned by his family to think he was worthless. But he wasn’t. There in the night, as Jack fitfully fell into a dark sleep, I began to cry softly, gently, my heart broken for my boy, who was trapped in a prison of guilt where not even my love could reach him. But I wasn’t giving up. I had to believe he would find a way through this dark time, and I would be by his side the entire time. Without realizing it, suddenly the night had passed, and the sun was rising. I hadn’t slept the entire night. But, I wasn’t tired. I was too churned up inside to be tired. And soon, in a few hours, we’d have to face Parliament. I shook Jack slightly, “Jack, time to get up. We are due in Parliament in a few hours. I know … how much you are hurting right now, and I wish I could reschedule this interview. But I can’t. Remember, I’ll be there with you, and I’ll take the brunt of the questioning.”

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I'd barely slept, slipping briefly in and out of light sleep every half hour or so. Besides that I just spent the night lying motionless in Jeff's arms. My mind was spinning too much for me to settle, but my tears had well and truly run dry. Jeff shakes me awake from a light snooze and I stretch. I feel fucking exhausted, but I have to get up and face the day. I shake my head briefly. "No, sir.. thank you, but.. you've answered enough questions the last four months. It's my turn" I don't feel like saying much after that. I'm conscious of there being awkward silences between us but I have no heart to fill them, I just pray Jeff doesn't feel awkward. Despite feeling so low and empty, I can't bear the thought of him feeling awkward around me. I get myself ready, lost in my thoughts and completely aware that I must look awful. Pale and red-eyed is what I imagine but I daren't look in the mirror. As long as I'm wearing presentable clothes and look as though I've made an effort that's all that matters. I slip on a dress shirt and tie, the smartest I've ever looked in front of Jeff I realise, and run my hand through my hair to flatten and style it. If I wasn't feeling so fucking shit about myself I'd have actually spent time on this, but it just seems meaningless and trivial now. I don't even have the emotional capacity to prepare for this now, whatever happens happens and I'll take it as it comes. The interview will likely be horrible, but I just have to stomach it. I lean against the front door as I wait for Jeff to join me, and I can feel that he doesn't know what to say or how to approach me.. he knows that nothing will bring me out of this, only time can heal this wound. Suddenly he joins me and my heart sinks a little.. my first time visiting the CSIS headquarters since before the incident.. it's going to be horrible.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: We get dressed quickly, and I change my clothes, and grab a shower. As the water is running through my hairy muscle, I feel empty inside. I needed some way to reach Jack, but he had retreated into a shell of silence and self-destructive guilt and there was nothing I could do. This was one of the hardest days I’ve ever faced. Not for my sake, I can deal with the Parliamentary committee members, but for Jack’s sake. They are going to be ruthless. I refused to give up though. I knew he would pull through this. I finished showering and got dressed into a suit and tie. I looked at Jack as he lay leaning against the front door. He looked really good in his dress shirt and tie, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him dressed so sharply. He was taking this seriously, and that was a good sign at least. I walked up next to him, and put my hand on his shoulder. “Let’s go boy. Just remember, this will pass. You will get over this.”

====LATER THAT DAY====

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I follow Jeff to his front door and step inside silently. The interview was pretty intense.. they wanted to discuss everything with me, and in more gruesome detail than I particularly wanted to go in to. One guy even asked me at what point did I actually break under Derek's torture, but superhero Jeff swooped in and shut them down. People just wanted answers straight from me, and not through Jeff. Why did I go after him, what information did Peterson give me.. it started to get too much at times, but I would answer as honestly and as heartfelt as possible. Tears would creep to my eyes every so often, but overall my numbness to everything helped me keep it together. Then, they needed to discuss the consequences with me, to make sure I understood exactly what had happened before I returned back to work. From the legal side of things, they did a fucking fine job of walking the line between blaming me and not.. nobody outright said this was my fault, but they didn't exactly speak to me the way Jeff did, either. The worst thing about the whole day, though.. was walking through the CSIS building. Walking past fellow agents and people I could have once fit in with, maybe even been friends with.. some stared, some turned away.. it was like a fucking walk of shame. That was the closest I came to breaking down all day, but here I am in Jeff's hallway with the same fucking empty feeling I've had since last night. I hate it so much, this feeling of nothingness swirling around in my gut. I don't deserve to feel nothing, I deserve to feel pain. To feel the wrath of all 10 men and their families brought down upon me. It's a thought that's been swirling around in my mind since this morning.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: I walk through the front door, drop my keys on the table next to the door, and sit down on the couch. It was late afternoon. I motion Jack to sit next to me on the couch. He was still sunk into a deep depression, and the interview hadn’t helped any. It had been brutal, as I knew it would be, and it had no doubt wounded my boy further. I had protected him as best I could, but I couldn’t completely protect him. I was hurting right now, in my own way, every bit as much as Jack. Because I felt so helpless. But I wasn’t going to let Jack be alone. Not right now. I face Jack, his handsome face, those amazing eyes, that red beard of his sunken in an expression of numb gloom. I speak up, “Come here Jack, sit on the couch next to me. That’s an order, not a request, by the way.”

12:26 Agent _Jack_Young: I don't quite know where to put myself, or what to do. Part of me wants to stand under a scalding hot shower, or go out and get the shit kicked out of me by a gang of thugs.. the other part just want to collapse on my bed and lay still for hours, days, weeks. Jeff breaks my trance and orders me to sit on the couch next to him. I feel so hazy I don't even realise my body has responded to instructions before my mind could catch him, and like an obedient child I sit next to him on the couch. I don't know where to look or what to say.. I tap my fingers together as I purse my lips and blow through them in an idle tune. I need SOMETHING to get me out of this and thinking straight again. Not whiskey, I don't deserve the happiness that comes with that.. but even here, sitting next to Jeff where I used to feel so content and warm.. I just feel nothing.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: Like a robot, Jack sits down next to me. I sigh deeply, feeling weighed down by a pain, an agony that grows harder and harder to bear. Jack was meant to return to the office on Monday. I might need to re-evaluate that if he didn’t manage to break out of this depression. I hurt so badly for my boy. I’d tried so hard to help him, so hard to give him the support and encouragement that his family clearly couldn’t. And was it all doomed to failure? Was I doomed to sit back and watch the self-destruction of this promising young agent? The self-destruction of the man I loved? Helpless, powerless to stop it? Whatever happened, I felt like it was entirely out of my hands. I grew tired, as the afternoon wore on as I sat there on the couch, with my hand around Jack’s shoulders. I turned the television on, but Jack just whistled, tapping his fingers, avoiding my gaze, even though I kept contact with him the entire time to try and let him know that he wasn’t alone. But as the sun set, and the stars came out, I needed sleep. I stood up finally, maybe Jack needed some privacy to work this out. I sighed, gave Jack a tired smile which he no doubt didn’t even see, and said in a warm, loving voice, “Good night Jack. Try to get some sleep, it will do you good.” I wondered if he was going to try…. NO. You had to trust him Jeff. You had to. He won’t do that. I crept upstairs weary, my heart broken, and collapsed on my bed, and started to cry softly to myself, feeling all the hurt and pain that my boy couldn’t feel for himself, and eventually drifted off to sleep.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I stay rooted to my seat for what feels like hours, I hate how silent it was between the two of us but I just feel so fucking done.. there's so many words spiralling around inside my mind but I can't find the effort to bring them out. I'm just sinking further and further into myself, but feeling so fucking numb at the same time. I absolutely do not deserve to feel numb. The 10 men I've presumably killed sure as hell fucking don't feel numb right now, they're either dead, being tort.. oh fuck I feel sick, the first thing I've actually felt all day. I can't even think the words. I stand suddenly, desperate to do something.. I want.. oh fuck, I want to hurt. What the fuck, why am I thinking these words? Like a 15-year-old kid I have the urge to hurt myself whilst blasting Evanescence or something depressing and I hate it. This isn't me.. but this urge to suffer for their deaths is overwhelming. I check the time and I can't believe it's nearly 1am.. oh fuck.. how long have I just been staring into space? Oh fuck.. I have this impulse. A sick, twisted impulse but one I have to act on. I need to hurt, to feel something, and I need to pay my dues. I need to get the shit kicked out of me.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I rack my brain trying to think of somebody, anybody who would do it and not hold back.. Aaron. One of Phillip's friends.. he's a cage fighter so can pack a punch, but beyond that.. he enjoys it. He's got quite a following in social media and he's not afraid to post saucy pictures of guys in bloody situations, he has a fetish for this type of thing. I pace back and forth, I can't believe I'm even considering this.. I have to. It's the only thing that might give me some closure, at least for now. To feel like I've been given some punishment, the ability to feel again. My blood starts to boil as I realise how serious I am about this. I pull out my phone and find his profile.. active 5 minutes ago, this looks good. Oh fuck. I can't beat around the bush with this.. I fire off a message. "No questions asked. $800 upfront right now for a fight, give me an address." I needed to be to the point, he knows I wouldn't beat him in a million years so a 'fight' is asking me to get my ass kicked. He'll take it, this is his sexual fantasy and I need that.. somebody that isn't going to hold back and WANTS to do it. He probably thinks it's a fantasy of mine to get beaten up by a guy, he can think all he wants. This runs deeper than that. I need to feel, I need to pay. Jeff, shit. FUCK what have I done. Jeff could realise in the night that I've gone and might think I've got to kill myself, if only I had the courage. I quickly grab a pen and some paper as I wait for Aaron's reply, writing "DON'T PANIC. Please trust me sir, I'll be back. Don't look for me, just trust me x" I drop the pen on the counter and leave the note, just in case he comes down. I'll be coming back a limping, bloodied mess though so I'd much prefer him to sleep through the night. I'll hate myself for putting him through this tomorrow but I fucking need to do this, I'm craving it now. My mind is made up. I head out of the house still wearing my formal clothes and quietly shut the door behind me, heading towards the metro. I know Aaron lives in the city, I'll just head there.. it's not until I'm a short walk away from the house that I realise I put a fucking kiss at the end of Jeff's note. If that doesn't fucking look suspicious I don't know what will. I'm too focused to be embarrassed, I just need to get this done.

12:26 Aaron_Johnson: BAM… BAM… BAM… Fuck yeah. Tonight, I was in the zone. Totally. I had my rhythm. The heavy bag was dancing to the tune of my muscles and my fists. BAM… BAM … BAM… Fuck that zen shit. This is better. Well almost better. What would really be better …. Some dude’s bod taking these shots.. One after the other… so I could drink up the sweet agony on his face as I busted him up, making my hot man bitches bleed. Shit, I was that good, dudes paid me to feel my fists. I grinned as my dick got hard at the thought. Then, suddenly, as if in answer to a prayer, my phone pinged. What the fuck is this.. I read the message. FUCK ME? Jack… wasn’t that Phillip’s younger bro, the little weed, the waste of space? And he wanted to fight me? I grinned as I saw the payment… 800$. Fight? Fuck that shit. Wouldn’t be a fight. Would be a slaughter. And that suited me just fine. I texted him the address, then licked my lips. I’d seen the little shit once or twice. Good looking dude, but scrawny. But hell, for 800$? I’ll beat the fucking shit right out of him.

12:26 Aaron_Johnson: I go back to my heavy bag, dreaming of the meat I’m gonna be pounding in just a bit, when the buzzer to my private gym goes off. I stride over to the door, and yank it open. I look the piece of scrawny shit up and down. Yeah, this won’t take long. I don’t bother speaking. We aren’t here to make friends. I jerk my head, and point over to the workout mats next to my heavy bag.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: Aaron's reply came just as I was withdrawing the cash from the ATM. Not too far, a short ride on the subway and I'll be there. As I ride through the dark tunnels it dawns on me.. like a small beacon of sanity shining through my cloud of depression. Why am I doing this? This is going to be brutal.. but then I think about the agents, what I did to them and why I need to suffer. I accept my fate and make my way to the address.. a private gym, quiet and well-equipped. Oh fuck, here we go. He opens the door to me and I step in, no fear strikes my heart.. I'm just determined and want to get this done.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I walk in and put the money on a table. "$800" I start taking off my coat, revealing my slim-fitting dress shirt and skinny tie. I loosen the tie but don't remove it, then turn to face Aaron as I continue getting ready. "This isn't so much a fight, it's payment for you to do whatever the fuck you want. Anything goes, but 1) You can't put me in the hospital. And 2) never tell Philip about this.." I don't even recognise my own voice or understand the words I'm saying, like it's an alien language. Who is this guy? It isn't Jack Young. "Now fucking hit me" I stand in a non-defensive position in front of him, my tie loosened and top button undone, sleeves rolled up to my elbows.

12:26 Aaron_Johnson: I watch him with a cocky half-smile as the little weed takes off his coat. Still dressed up as though he’d just been in the office. That white dress shirt of his is gonna show up the blood real nice. He slams down the money and lays down the rules. I shrug. That’s fine. I don’t give a fuck. Don’t want the ambulance to come round anyways, I don’t need the fucking heat. Not after that … incident… a year back. They never were able to prove it was me what done it, cause they never found the body.

12:26 Aaron_Johnson: My dick twitches as he moves onto the mats, his tie loosened, his shirt undone, his sleeves rolled up. He don’t have to ask me twice. I turn away from him suddenly, as though I’m reaching for a bottle of water on the small table he slammed his money down on, but then, suddenly at the last second, my left fist clenches as I twist. I like to take my marks when their guard is down. It hurts more that way, and their pain is my pleasure. My heavy, hard MMA-trained biceps surge with a burst of sadistic power, and drive my heavy left fist right into this little shit’s gut, noting on the impact that he’s actually pretty tight, some nice lean muscle.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: The money is down, the rules are agreed.. I just need it to fucking happen now. He turns away from me and I feel a stab of impatience, I don't want to drag this out.. I just want it fucking done. But then he swivels with impressive speed and launches his incredibly well-trained fist right into my gut. "EUURGGH!" I grunt loudly, doubling over briefly but remain stood. My trained instincts tell me not to fall to the floor like I so easily could have. Besides, I'm not jobbering my way through this.. I could give him a better fight than he probably realises, but I need to keep him riled up. Without even thinking, I place my hands on his chest and shove him back. Aside from the pain in my gut, I'm starting to feel.. something else. A drive, a fight.. a want. I can't fight back, the 10 agents I've killed probably didn't get much chance to.. but I can keep him pumped. "Harder!" I tell him as I shove him, visiting a new dark corner of my mind I have never seen before.

12:26 Aaron_Johnson: He doubles over, but impressively, he remains standing. My eyes narrow, and my grin widens. Oh he was a feisty one, this little fucking weed was. He reaches out and shoves my chest, screaming at me “Harder”. A surge of savage power flashes through my well-trained hard-muscled body, barely contained brutality unleashed suddenly by his challenge. My right hand snaps out like a viper, grabbing his left wrist before he even releases my chest, pulling him off balance to stumble towards me. I leap up, my powerful legs driving my body upwards, my left leg snapping up like a hard, steel whip to smash into his abs, while my right leg sweeps out and behind his legs, to sweep them brutally out from under him to knock this fucking weed on his ass. He wants harder? Oh hell yes, I’ll give him harder.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: In a flash, he seizes my wrist, kicks me in the gut and drops me to my ass. It passes by in a blur, but suddenly I'm lay on my back at his feet, staring up at him. I need more. I groan before I speak. "Is this.. all $800 gets you nowadays?" I fucking laugh, a low guttural chuckle. I don't even know where my mind is at right now, but I think I'm laughing purely to rile him up. I don't find anything funny, I just feel like I'm losing my grip on reality.. almost like I'm drunk on my emotions. I start to turn over on to my front with a view to struggle back to my feet. Fuck my gut hurts, this guy is like a bull and I'm the matador. He's seeing red now and I'm in fucking trouble.

12:26 Aaron_Johnson: My dick twitches with pleasure as this fucking little waste of space is laid out on his ass. But he still wants more. Laughing at me. Fucking laughing at me? My eyes narrow as he rolls over onto his front, and gets up on his hands and knees. Bracing myself, savagery flooding my veins, I strike out with my right foot, as it explodes into his abs, just below the ribs with enough force to lift the little bastard half off his feet, and slam him back first into the wall.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I just about get to all fours before his strong foot smashes into my abs, sending me flying but the wall traps me. "EUURGHH!" I grunt again, coughing and spluttering as the wind is forced out of my body. I deserve every ounce of pain I'm about to receive, and this is only the beginning. I focus on my reason for being here, the mistakes I've made, the consequences, Jeff, the guilt.. whatever happens next is my punishment for it all, and my chance to feel something again. To feel the pain and wrath of these men I'd killed, to feel the fight sparking inside me. I want to defend myself. I want to stand up and give some back.. and therein lies the true torture. I can still fight, but I won't. I'm here to get what I deserve, and that isn't a fair fight. It's a beatdown. "That was.. slightly better.." I moan through laboured breaths.

12:26 Aaron_Johnson: My dick twitches at the sound of his groans as his body crunches into the wall. In one easy step I’m right there in front of him, reaching down with my left hand to grab his red hair, and haul his sorry ass up by his hair, as he keeps making wisecracks. I’m in the zone now, moving deeper and deeper. Have to be careful though, not to go too deep. I don’t want a repeat of … the incident. Especially not with Phillip’s bro. Not worth it. I haul his ass up, slam him against the wall, hold his head by his hair, and with a quick precise explosion of violence, my hard, MMA trained muscles unleash a sweet right hook into his fucking bearded jaw as I drive my knee up, point first to spear into his worthless guts.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: "ARGGGH FUCK!" I wince as he pulls on my hair. I did say anything goes so I can't complain, but fuck! Suddenly face is pounded and his knee slams into my gut. It's getting real now, the $800 is certainly being justified. Oh fuck, I can barely breathe.. I nearly double over his knee but he holds me firmly in place by my hair. I use my tongue to check if I'm bleeding after his right hook, but not yet. He's working up a sweat now and his breath warms my face, there's a fury in his eyes that only an MMA fighter could have.. I need to push him further. I realise maybe playing the hapless victim is the best way to get through this.. so I change it up. I have to fight. The harder the fight, the harder the fall.. and at the end of the day I want to fucking fall. Yes, the agents may not have been able to give back much fight.. but if doing that is what drops me harder then I'll fucking do it. In a brief flash, I clench my fist and smash it across his jaw, and I don't hold back. I know instantly that I've made a massive mistake, catching him offguard like that. But I'm turning this into a fight, a real one. I'll still lose, and I accept that entirely. But God fucking damnit I deserve nothing less than to lose badly.

12:26 Aaron_Johnson: Oh yes, he suffers well, but, he’s not just a victim. No, not this one… he has some fire, and he’s got some balls. He hauls off and smashes his fist into my jaw, catching me by surprise. I stagger back, shaking the cobwebs out of my head. And my eyes flash raw fire. It wasn’t a bad hit, actually. The little weed has some training. Oh fuck yes. I love it when my prey fights back. I surge forward, and seize his wrist, simply out muscling the fuck out of him as I twist and pull that wrist down over my shoulder as my butt smashes into his guts, I lean forward, and with a brutal snap of my steel-hard abs, I throw this fucking piece of shit literally halfway across my mats, towards the other side of the room, sending him tumbling head over heels. I hope he doesn’t break his neck. Cause we don’t want a repeat of the … incident.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: He reacts too quickly for me to even realise what's happening as I'm twisted and yanked and suddenly only the floor again, flying across the gym. Holy fuck he's strong. I grunt in pain but start bringing myself to my feet. I'm getting angry now, a warm fire ignites in my gut. A new feeling inside me, a will. I love it, and it only reaffirms that I made the right decision. He's already on me as I'm halfway up of the floor, so I aim for an uppercut to his jaw as I rise, then I'll aim for a sweep across his ankles if it connects.

12:26 Aaron_Johnson: I charge forward as this feisty fucker groans, but pushes himself up to his feet. He comes at me, the stupid idiot, driving an uppercut at me. But my guard is in place, and I eat it on my heavy beefy forearms. I duck low, and drive my right first forward like a fucking sledgehammer, to smash into his abs again, just as he tries to sweep me. But I had a strong battle stance, side on, leading with my left foot. He knocks my left foot aside, but it’s pure instinct to redistribute the weight and keep upright. Then, for good measure, I smash my left fist in after my right, going for his right side obliques, gonna fucking dent this feisty fucking weed, put some holes in his scrawny body.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: My attacks fail and I feel myself getting angrier as more heavy hits pound into my body. Anger.. rage.. everything over the last 24 hours is turning red. The agents, Jeff, the interview, my mother watching from the wings.. my family, their hatred of me, my hatred of them.. FUCK! I can feel beads of sweat forming on my forehead as my blood gushes through my veins, hot and fast. I throw myself into the fight at full force, this was never the plan.. but FUCK I need to take everything out on this guy, but my attacks are misguided, clouded with imprecision because of my blind rage. I throw fists, fast and hard wherever I can get them. I just need to hit back. I roar in anger, sweat pouring, fists flying.. my emotions have completely taken over.

12:26 Aaron_Johnson: My fists sink into his skinny, worthless body with savage power. But he’s got this feral look starting to wake up in his eyes. Oh yes… bring it on you piece of shit… It’s like some kind of wild animal is waking up inside him. I know that beast… and I know how to tame him, make him work for me. I doubt this little shit does. He throws himself at me, all wild strikes and fury. I back up at first, my forearms moving with blinding speed to bat away his fury driven assault. A few make it through, but they bounce off the steel-hard MMA muscle I’ve packed onto my frame. Then, watching for my moment, I suddenly duck low under one wild swing, and with a speed and grace from years of brutal fight training, I swing my foot around behind him, and take his back. Without a moment’s hesitation, I grab the back of this little shit’s head by his hair, and drive the palm of my right hand in savage, debilitating strike to his kidneys, that will make him piss blood, before knocking his feet out from under him, smashing him face first to the mats, then, carefully…. Kicking him right in the fucking head, snapping his bearded face hard to one side.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I attack and attack, hating how uncoordinated it is but my mind is in no place to plan this.. it's just letting off steam. Sure enough, I'm quickly overpowered yet again and he viciously attacks my kidneys, smashes me to the matt and kicks across my face. I roll over from the force of the blow and warm fluid fills my mouth. Oh fuck.. the first blood. It oozes from my mouth and drips onto the floor, running along the mat and staining the shoulder of my shirt. Fuck, my neck feels like it just snapped.. I lay on my back as I stare at the ceiling, swirling around above me. I start to roll over onto my front, aiming to stand and fight again.. I haven't suffered enough.

12:26 Aaron_Johnson: I stand back, admiring my handiwork, and massage my cock, pre-cum starting to stain the tight workout shorts I’m wearing, some sweat starting to soak my wife-beater. Fuck, he’s fun to hurt. He keeps trying to fight back, and that is making me balls-to-the-wall horny as fuck. He needs more pain. I need him to feel more pain. As he rolls over onto his front, I drop down at the perfect point, where he is on his side. I trap his skinny assed torso between my two heavy, muscled legs, my raging hard on rubbing against his obliques. I reach out my right hand and grab his wrist, yanking his arm up to face the ceiling, opening up his armpit and lats. With my other hand, I take my thumb, and savagely, sadistically, spike it into the pressure point just beneath his armpit, a brutally painful experience, my big thumb driving into the muscles on the side of his chest like a medieval tortures thumbscrew.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: I wake up suddenly, from a deep sleep, my bladder insisting on relief. I get up, groggy, towards the en-suite to relieve myself. I stumble back, and am about to fall back into bed when I suddenly decide to check on Jack. He was so depressed, and I was so worried about him. I know he needed his own space, and I couldn’t do anything more for him than what I already had, but… I thought back to the other night, and felt the sickening pang of panicked fear once more clench me tight. I walked across the hall, and opened his door. And saw his empty bed. My guts clenched as waves of overwhelming terror seized me from the inside out. He had… he was… he… NO. Think Jeff. With a surge of effort, I clamped down on my terror, and went into that calm, cool place where emotions were shoved aside, and you did what had to be done. I searched the house methodically, from top to bottom, expecting at any moment to find … him… lying there… DON’T GO THERE JEFF. Keep searching. Finally I found a note downstairs on the small table near the door. I read it, and suddenly collapsed to the floor, grief, rage, worry, pain ripping my calm apart. I cried, deep long hard sobs, from fear and love and helplessness.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I don't even get a chance to stand before he's on me again, trapping me underneath his trained muscle. Oh fuck, I brace myself for some kind of beating, but.. "FUUUCCCKKKK!!" what the fuck is this! He fucking digs and twists his thumb into my side like I'm being tortured for information, this is no longer a fist fight.. it's evolved into something else. "ARGGHH FUCK YOU BASTARD!" I instinctively claw at his face with my free hand as though I'm trying to stop him, but.. that's not why I'm here. If this is the pain he wants to inflict on me, and if this is what $800 of my money gets me, then so be it. I can't ask him for pain then claw at him to stop, but it feels good inflicting some pain back.. I'm so torn, and his fucking thumb is agony in my side. I beat at his chest as I breathe and scream through the pain.

12:26 Aaron_Johnson: I have the fucking little twat pinned good, and he’s screaming in some proper pain now. Fuck yeah. He’s beating on my chest, fat lot of good that will do him, his blows just bouncing off the tight, rock-solid muscle. I look at the blood leaking out of his mouth, and I get hungry for some more. I have this thing about blood… and so do most of my followers. But… I learned the hard way not to take pics unless it’s agreed. But that’s fine, I’ll just enjoy it for myself. I lift my thumb, and ease the tight vise I’m forming with my legs, maneuvering this fucking waste of space onto his back, then with an evil grin, I’m mounting his guts, knees straddling him. I lift my fists, and smash my right, then my left down in rapid succession targeting his nose and his cheek with two heavy blows. But … not too heavy. We don’t want another incident.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: After what feels like hours, he finally removes his thumb. My entire side throbs in agony, desperately waiting to form a nice, dark bruise. "Euuughhh, fuck!!" I groan in pain as he rolls my over onto my back and straddles me, fists clenched and-- I suddenly to dazed, my head snapping to the side as I see stars. Another fist smashes into my face, and I feel more blood form in my nose and mouth. Another fist, and another.. more and more slam into me as blood sprays across the floor, drenching my face and chest. It feels like my face is being bashed in, I don't know how I'm even still conscious.. he must be a master of his craft. He knows how to keep me awake and alert. Finally he finishes the onslaught and all I can taste is a rusty iron face. Blood creeps into my eyes and makes them sting, I have to turn my head to the side to let it all run out so that I can breathe. That was fucking brutal, it takes me a while to be present again. "Mmmnnngghhhh.." I moan under him, my hands idly resting on his hips as I fight to hold on, couging, spluttering and spitting. I have no idea what punishment is coming next, but that attack took some fight out of me.. I couldn't even stand up unsupported right now, let alone fight.. fuck. This is what I asked for, I guess..

12:26 Aaron_Johnson: Oh fuck yes, this is better than sex. Look at that blood covering his face, staining his nice white shirt, dribbling into his beard. That’s the look for him. I’ve done enough though, don’t want to break anything. I get up off of him, then, with a grunt, I growl, “Get the fuck up, you asshole.” I give him a kick in his side rolling him over. Then, when he tries to get up, I smash my foot straight up into his guts, nearly lifting him up off his feet. I growl, “I said get the fuck up, asswipe.” I grab the collar of his blood soaked dress shirt, heaving him up to his feet, then, with my right fist, I clench it, my muscles flex and ripple, and I begin to beat the fucking shit out of his gut, drilling in an absolute barrage of brutal fists, not letting him catch his breath between each successive shot, and keeping a tight hold on his shirt to force him to stay upright. My grin was twisted and sadistic, oh fuck, but I was getting off on his pain.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: It turns even more brutal as he kicks me in the gut and drags me to my feet by my collar. I hear it rip slightly. I can't even control the noises that come out of me as he pounds away at my gut, his huge fists absolutely destroying my body. I thrust as I grunt, groan, gasp, cry out, choke on the blood.. every fucking noise comes out of me as I suffer the brutal beating. Each punch brings up more blood that spills down my body, practically turning my whole shirt red and making it stick to me. I haven't been in this much pain since being in Derek's clutches, and it's fucking awful. My face and body just throb, begging me to call it off. But that choice isn't mine.. I will take this for as long as Aaron wants it. The agents didn't get to end their suffering early, so neither shall I. He can have me for 5 more minutes, or 5 more hours. Only he can decide.. but fuck this is agony. My feet almost leave the floor with each solid punch to my gut, stirring more fluid around inside me and bringing it out. He's enjoying this and that's exactly what I needed.. somebody that WANTED to do this to me.

12:26 Aaron_Johnson: Blood is spilling down his face, staining his shirt, and his moans and groans of agony are sweet music to my ears. I stand back for a moment, just to admire the view of his swaying, wobbling blood soaked body. My chest is heaving, and my fists are soaked with blood. Fuck… this would make such a great post for my instagram.. I should have insisted on it when I took his fucking money. But hey, I’m going to enjoy him while I have him. He’s getting pretty fucked up. I need to be careful now… don’t want no ambulance coming over. He’s gotta be able to walk and stand. FUCK. Stupid rules. It’s all consensual, right? I mean come, on this fucker must be getting off on it as much as I am. He paid me fucking 800$ for it. I lift my foot suddenly, and smash it against his chest, knocking his weedy ass over to the mats. I look down at him, and mutter, harshly, “Get the fuck up, you asshole.” I’m hovering on the edge… I want to sink into the zone so fucking bad… His suffering is so goddamned sweet, his pain is so fucking delicious, and his blood… damn, I want more of it. But I don’t want no more trouble like the last time. Gotta have some self-discipline. If I break my toys, then I don’t get to play with anymore of ‘em. Fuck, it sucks.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: He steps back and simply watches me suffer in pain, I knew this sadistic fucker would get off on it. I feel myself wanting to sink to my knees with nothing to support me, but I can just about stand by myself. Then, he boots me in the chest and I fall sharply to the may, my back crashing down. I could lay here forever, it hurts too much to move.. but he wants me back on my feet. If more pain is what he wants, then it's what he shall get. I have no right to say enough is enough, not after all I've done. I roll into my front, then painfully and slowly bring myself to my knees, my arms shaking and buckling as all manner of fluid oozes from my lips and falling to the mat. Oh fuck.. it hurts everywhere. My head is pounding and my gut feels like it's had a boulder rammed into it. For a brief moment I question why I'm putting myself through this, hating myself more than ever for having the audacity to forget what I did and what brought me here. I stand on my feet again but stumble backwards so that I rest against the wall, breathing deeply and moaning through the pain. "Just.." I wince, it hurts to fucking speak. "Do wh-whatever you want.." he probably has so many questions but I don't care, I'm not here to answer them. I'm just here to hurt.

12:26 Aaron_Johnson: My rule: He has to be able to walk out of here on his own two feet. I watch as he heaves himself up to his feet, leaking blood and bile all over my fucking mats. That pisses me off. I’d rather have the blood on his clothes, not my mats. And the bile.. That shit just eats right through the canvas. He gets up though, he can still walk. But I have to lay off the heavy work, or he won’t be walking. He invites me to hurt him further, and I’m seized by the desire to drive my fists into him over and over until.. C’mon Aaron, you don’t need the trouble. It’s time to end this, before I go too far. I adjust my raging boner, then I walk around behind him. With a practiced, smooth motion, I reach out and wrap my hard, MMA-trained bicep around his throat in a sleeper choke, locking it in as I clasp my left elbow and palm the back of his head. I leap up at the same time, my heavy leg suddenly wrapping around his lean abs, locking it in in the crook of my left knee. I bear him down to the mats, my weight too much for this fucking weed, and I simply start applying the pressure, aiming to crush his core in my body scissors while I knock him the fuck out with my sleeper. Time to take out the trash… before I lose control.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: He approaches me again and I have no fucking idea what's coming, what his brutal mind capable of. He viciously grabs me in a sleeper hold, taking me down to the mat as he wraps his thick tree-trunk bicep around my throat, and his boa constrictor leg around my sore abs and squeezes. I can't breathe, my throat is completely crushed inside his arm. I squirm but I have no room, I just have to lay there motionless as the life is crushed out of me, just like a snake would do to its prey. My arms reach out, hands outstretched as though reaching for something to help me. I feel my face turn red and tears form in my eyes as I fight desperately for breath.. this.. this fuckers going to kill me.. I should feel scared, but instead I feel relieved. Him killing means doing something I'm too afraid to do myself. I don't deserve to live, but I can't bring myself to do it.. at least this guy could finish the job.. he could.. I could.. fuck... I'm slipping.. my feet were sliding across the mat but now they're weak.. I can't.. hold..

12:26 Aaron_Johnson: Fuck, feel the bloody piece of shit squirm, his wiry, tough muscle caving in as I crush him from all sides, his reactions and movements getting slower and slower. I can feel some of the blood dripping off his face to pool in the crook of my heavy, MMA muscled arm as it chokes him the fuck out. His feet slide uselessly across the mats, then slowly go still. I could keep him on… want to keep it on… want to go all the way… my cock, so fucking hard, aching, feeding off his agony and suffering. Need it.. Want it… But… GRRRRRRRrrrrrrr FUCK. It’s not worth it. Not worth the heat. I let go all at once, with Jack knocked out cold, in a quivering pile on my mats, dripping blood and bile all over the place. I reach down, heave him up, throw him over my shoulder, and walk out to the back alley behind my gym. I pry open the lid of the dumpster, and tip his limp body down into the pile of garbage. Fuck him for tempting me. Fuck him for nearly getting me in trouble by suffering so well. Fuck him for soiling my mats with his blood and bile. I shut the door, and go to clean up the mats and count my money.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: From the darkness, I hear the distant sound of a passing car, then feel the cold early morning wind licking at my face, then.. the smell.. what the fuck? I open my eyes gently, adjusting to my surroundings.. I'm.. I have no fucking idea, but it's dark and it stinks. I lift myself up and pain floods my body.. oh fuck it's like I've been run over by a car. I grip onto something metal and hoist myself up, then topple over the side of something and go crashing to the cold, concrete ground. I.. was I in a fucking dumpster!? I was in a fucking dumpster.. my rightful place in society, it's almost poetic. Oh fuck it hurts everywhere. I slowly roll over onto my front and bring myself to my feet again, resting my back against the dumpster. I look down at myself as I groan in pain, blood covering shirt.. I look like I've been killed in a horror movie or something. I pull out my phone to check the time.. smashed, and dead. Oh fuck.. it's still dark but it must be getting on now, maybe 4am.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I still have my wallet, Aaron could have stolen that. I step forward out of the alley and each step is like torture, throbbing around my entire body. I got what I asked for, so I can't complain.. and I don't regret it. Even if this pain lasts a week, it's a small price to pay for my actions. I step out onto the main street, it's so strange seeing the city so dead. The few people that are around are either homeless or drunk.. or even both in some cases. The subway will still be running, it's an automated system that runs 24/7. I can get back to Jeff's neighborhood and just about walk to his house. My apartment is so much closer, but I can't risk Jeff waking up and panicking that I'm not there.. he'll think the worst. For all I know, he'd be relieved to know I'm not there.. I can't pull at that thread. Jeff deserves better than to go through that stress. My feet carry me towards the subway, my head is absolutely pounding and now fresh blood is pouring from my nose and mouth. I need to hold on to the wall and railings.. anything for support. I head down to the platform and wait for my train, glancing at a clock whilst I'm there and I was right.. 04:16am.

12:26 Leroy_Baxter: "And I think to myself.. what a wonderful worlddddd" my voice echoes around the concrete walls of the subway, the acoustics are divine down here. Lovely word, divine. It's cold as hell but at least I'm protected from the wind. There's very few people about at this time, making it easier to point out individuals. I like to examine everyone that comes down here at this time.. what's their story? Where are they from? What brings them to the Toronto fucking subway at 4am? And, like an angel answering a prayer, I see a boy.. a young whippersnapper dressed all formal-like, but.. hot damn he's covered in blood! "Holy shit, son! What the hell have you been getting up to on this cold, Tuesday Toronto mornin', huh?"

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I stumble along the platform and am greeted with this cheerful, old voice. I look to my left and see a homeless man wrapped in a blanket, a woollen hat covering his head and a thick, wiry beard hanging from his jaw. I'm almost embarrassed at first, but if anybody is going to be free of judgement it's going to be a guy that's somehow landed himself in this situation. I look down at my blood-splattered shirt and shrug, almost smirking at the man. "I have no idea what you're talking about,"

12:26 Leroy_Baxter: Ha! I guffaw, "a wiseacre!" I like him, I can tell in an instant. "You comin' down here groanin' and moanin', covered in blood and you act like it's normal.." I guffaw again. "Don't be playin' games now, son. And talk to you uncle Leroy. The trains run all at this time anyhow.."

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: Oh fuck, I was all prepared for a silent journey home, but.. maybe talking will keep my mind off the pain. I rest against a pillar, relieving some of the stress on my body to keep itself upright, and talk. I have no idea what I'd planned to say, and the words were just coming out. The few other people that were down here with us were far away, completely out of ear shot. "You see.." I find myself being... Playful. Like I'm drunk on pain, or my mind has just snapped and I've gone loopy.. I don't understand what's even happening. "I'm a secret agent" I whisper, and smile as he erupts into raucous laughter. "Shhhh.." I put my finger to my lips as though begging him to keep a secret.

12:26 Leroy_Baxter: "James Bond over here has gotten into trouble in Toronto! Man, you look like shit.." I look him up and down after my tears of laughter drain from my eyes.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I have no fucking idea what has come over me, but I feel.. like myself again, like the beating hit a reset button and now I just have to deal with the pain, but inside I'm.. me. I look Leroy up and down, and with my tongue planted in my cheek I say: "So do you," and his laughter fills the underground. It's a wonderful sound, and I find myself laughing too. Fuck it hurts my abs, and I didn't think I'd be feeling like this for weeks. I can only laugh a few times, the pain is too much. None of this makes any sense.. I should not be happy right now, but.. I fucking feel okay besides the pain.

12:26 Leroy_Baxter: "James fucking Bond here telling me, a homeless guy, looks like shit. I love it! What's your name, son?" I'm aware the train might be pulling up any moment now, and I need to know who this kid is. He's special, unlike many of the other clowns that come down here and start trouble. He doesn't belong here.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: "I'm Jack," I have no reason to hide who I am from this guy, he just wants a friend for a few seconds and I'm happy to be that guy. "And the reason I'm looking like this.. is because I asked someone to do it to me. Because I did something bad, and.. well," I trail off, I didn't need to say that last part.

12:26 Leroy_Baxter: I turn serious then.. this kid, he's hurting. "And you deserved this?" I look at the state he's in, with half a mind to get someone to call an ambulance, but he's fine.. he's walking and he's talking. "I've been there, boy. When you just feel like the world hasn't punished you quite enough for your wrongdoings, so you make it happen yourself.. I hear you.. but whoever did this to you, they did a number on you. So yeah, you deserved this.. but it's happened now. Your debts are paid, you're hurtin', you're bleedin'.. ain't no need to be beatin' yourself up anymore you hear?" The squeals of the brakes echo from round the corner.. his train is coming. "You hear?" I ask again.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I listen to his words and eventually I nod. I still don't feel like I've even come close to suffering enough for what I did to those agents, but I've had my beating. I can't forgive myself, but maybe I can work on righting my wrongs. Stop hurting myself, stop wishing I was dead.. Leroy speaks only words of truth, and he's clearly been in a similar situation before. "Thank you, uncle Leroy.." I half-grin as my train pulls up to the station. I pull out my wallet and walk over to him, not wanting to offend him, but I can't just leave him on 'goodbye'. I pull out some cash, more than $100 but I don't count. I just hand it to him. He starts to protest but I just shush him, resting the cash on his lap.

12:26 Leroy_Baxter: He's alright, and then he's not. Coming at me with this damn cash. "Oooh no, son.. I ain't askin' for your cash" but he insists, and leaves it on my lap. The train's going to blow it away so I quickly hold on to it, then notice just how much is there. People usually leave a dollar or two, but this.. this is a thick wad. Enough to eat the good shit for a week or more. He's a good man, and deserves better than this. "Don't you go givin' no more of your hard-earned cash to silly little folk like me no more, alright?" I smile at him as the train pulls up and he boards it.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: He clutches it so that the train doesn't blow it away, and now I know it's his. "It's alright, I've got plenty.. I'm a secret agent remember," I say as I hobble onto the train and put my hand up to him in a brief wave, his laughter spilling into the train. He looks at me only with gratitude and joy as the train pulls away, leaving behind that strange little night. What the fuck did I get myself into, and how did it end so.. well? One minute I'm beaten up and thrown into a dumpster, which was a real dick move on Aaron's part, and then I'm chatting and laughing with a homeless guy? I don't get it. But for now, I'm speeding towards Jeff's home, praying he's still asleep. I just want to slip in, sort myself out, limp to bed and go to sleep.. please be asleep, Jeff.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: After a while, my sobs finally start to subside, and I drag myself up off the floor, clutching the note from Jack. I stumble over to the couch and crash. I’m so exhausted, my energy feels deeply, deeply drained. I … I’m so powerless to help Jack. I don’t know what he needs, all I know is that I love him so much, and I wish I could do something to help him. I don’t own him… he’s his own man, he’ll do his own thing, I know that. And he’s a free man, not a prisoner, if he wants to go out in the middle of the night on a drunken binge… or… who knows what else… that’s his business, not mine. What hurts so much about all of this is how powerless I am… I have to make peace with that. I have to find a way to let Jack be Jack while letting him know that I’m here to support him if he needs it. I have to be okay with that… I have to let him go while letting him know that my love.. Is there for him if he wants it.. I look down at the x he signed the note with… and it seems like the most precious thing I’ve ever seen. I love him, but I can never have him that way… I have to let him go… I have to offer all the support I can… but I can’t force it on him. I have to let Jack be Jack while letting him know he has my full support.. Finally, I drift off to sleep on the couch, in just my underwear, my hairy chest rising and falling as I sink into an emotionally exhausted sleep. My arms lay limply across my furry, leanly muscled torso, clutching the note in my hand, and my red, swollen, tear ravaged, puffy eyes, finally close as I drift into a sleep so deep on the couch that I don’t even hear Jack when he comes home.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: The walk back to Jeff’s was slow and painful, but my interaction with Leroy has left me only with hope and a determination to do better, to BE better. I have absolutely no regrets about tonight, the pain will eventually subside. I will not take painkillers, I will not try and ease it in any way. It is mine to bear and it’s there for a reason, and when Jeff wakes up in the morning and sees my cuts and bruises, I have to absolutely refuse to let him help me in any way. He’s done so much these last four months, and tonight was self-inflicted. I can’t go out and ask to get beaten up, then expect Jeff to put my pieces back together. I’m in this alone, and that is final.. To me, at least. I stumble up the steps leading to Jeff’s front door. Oh fuck.. I was so lost in thought I didn’t even notice the fucking hallway light is on.. Did I leave that on? Did Jeff get up? I hope it’s the former, I seriously fucking hope it’s the former.. I slowly open the door, but stop myself. Am I dripping? I’m not tracking blood into Jeff’s house, or God knows what else is on me. My face is trickling slightly but it’s only absorbing into my beard, I take my shoes off outside the door in case there’s anything that could stain from those, then step in and gently close the door behind me. I stand still for a few seconds and listen for a sound, anything.. I can hear him breathing, and he’s downstairs. I tread carefully to the living room door and make out the low-morning sun highlighting his beautiful, hairy chest. Oh fuck.. He’s holding my note. I can’t go into him just yet, not looking like this and getting blood all over him. I painfully step through to the kitchen, grimacing gently as I turn the tap on. I need to clean my face up before he sees me, otherwise he’ll know how bad it was. I might be able to pass this off as a little scrap rather than a fuckign brutal MMA-beatdown.. But for all I know he’s in a light sleep and the damn tap woke him up.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: Slowly, I start to drift back to consciousness out of a dreamless sleep. I thought I heard the sound of running water. I feel… refreshed somehow. I realized last night, I had been holding on to too much. Keeping too much bottled up inside. I’d needed to just let it all out. I couldn’t let myself lose control like that in front of Jack, but on my own… I’d had to let it out. I call out, in a voice thick with morning sleep, shocked at how rough my voice sounds, realizing it was due to how hard I’d been crying, “Jack… is that you?” But I knew somehow, before I even spoke up that it was him. I knew he would come back. I started to sit up on the couch, realizing that I was in just my underwear. I started to blush… oh fuck…

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I’m using some kitchen towel and water to start cleaning up my face, but as soon I press it to my nostril I realise just how bad the pain is. “Argh, fuck!” I wince, but as I call out I hear Jeff’s voice drifting through from the other room. What do I say? What do I do? “Er, yeah.. Sir, just.. Two seconds” I cringe at the words, this is going to take a whole lot longer than two seconds.. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place, I either go through to Jeff or he comes through to me, he’ll see me like this either way. “Everything’s fine..” I say, hoping it might just reassure him to stay in there a while longer. Fuck, I haven’t taken my shirt off yet, if he sees that he’ll freak out thinking something awful has happened to me, but now my hands are are wet and I’m going to be dripping bloody water everywhere if I try and get it off now. I didn’t think this through at all, the shirt should have gone in the bin outside. FUCK!

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: I sit there on the couch, as Jack replies, mixed in with sounds of pain. I hear the pain, and it concerns me, but the fact that I hear his voice AT ALL fills me with a deep sense of relief. Normally, I would rush to him, butting in, trying to force my care on him, but … he’s not an invalid. My boy is a man, and he can take care of himself. I sit back on the couch, feeling relief wash through me as Jack tells me everything is fine. I know it’s not… but I also know that when Jack is ready he’ll tell me about whatever it is. I call out, “Take your time Jack.” For the moment, I’m just content to sit with the sense of relief that my boy is okay. His voice no longer has that dead quality to it. He sounds… more vibrant, more himself. And to me that is the best gift I could have hoped for.

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: Okay, breathe. He’s not coming.. I have some time to figure this out. The shirt has to go, he doesn’t have to see that. I dry my hands with some kitchen towel and remove the tie, then slowly unbutton the shirt. Fuck.. it’s absolutely covered in blood, the materials almost rock solid from where it’s dried on. I undo it completely and pull it over my arms, wrapping it up in a tight ball and throwing it in the bin. I now realise that my battered abs are on display, so there’s no way of truly hiding this all from Jeff, but at least it takes away the horror of seeing that blood-soaked shirt. I continue washing my face, even though I can’t see it. I just hope for the best trying my best to mute my grunts of pain as I press too hard to completely remove the blood. The sink turns a sickening crimson as it washes away all of my blood, and I make sure to swill it out regularly so that the blood doesn’t stain. Ok, that’s enough. It will have to be. I grab some frozen peas from the freezer, wrap them in a tea towel and hold them to my face. God knows what I look like, but it’s been long enough now. I turn the tap off and slowly make my way round to Jeff, ready to confess to my actions. “Ok.. don’t be mad..” I step into the living room, grimacing in pain. I know I look rough, I can feel it in my face and body. I finally see Jeff, and he looks so fucking gorgeous sitting there in his underwear, his hairy body on show. It takes a short moment, but I see redness in his eyes.. Surely tiredness from just waking up, but.. He was clutching the note, he was laying on the couch.. Did.. did he cry over me? Don’t be fucking ridiculous, Jeff doesn’t feel that way about me. I’m his employee, but.. I have to ask. “Are you alright?” my voice is laced with concern, I care only about him right now. My pain and my story can wait.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: I sit there, feeling a growing sense of calm and acceptance as I hear Jack putter in the kitchen. It involved lots of running water, whatever it was. Then, finally, he steps into the lounge and I get a look at him. I wince, waves of concern and sorrow washing through me, battering at me. He looked fucking awful. His body was covered with savage bruises, black and blue. His face was swollen and he’d been battered. That much was obvious. I didn’t understand… why… but I was certain of one thing, this wasn’t accidental. He had chosen to do this to himself. I didn’t have to like it. I didn’t have to agree with it. But it didn’t change how I felt about him. I loved him, more than ever right now, more than I ever had. He was here… and he wasn’t dead inside like he’d been ever since I told him about those agents. I looked him over, trying to decide what to say, when suddenly Jack asked me if I’m alright. I look at him, taking in the bruises, the contusions covering his body, those awful initials carved into his beautiful chest, and suddenly I lean forward, holding my head in my hands, and start to laugh. I try to hold it in, I know it’s not really appropriate, but I can’t. I laugh, harder, and harder, and harder, shaking with mirth, I gasp out… “Am… I … all right?” That sends me into new gales of laughter, my face is turning red, oh fuck me… Finally, I get my laughter under control. Then, I scoot over, and make a space on the couch. I pat it, and wipe away the last few tears of laughter. Then I answer, “I’m fine Jack. How are you? Do you want to talk about it?”

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: My concern for Jeff reaches new heights as he starts laughing, I’m so confused. Is this laughter stemming from rage? Has he lost it entirely? Have I fucking broken Jeff from being so irresponsible and stupid? I start to feel sick, but I realise his laughter is genuine.. He’s okay, if you can call it that. Then he scoots over and invites me to join him. I’m cautious, but then I realise.. Is he laughing because I asked him if he’s okay, despite me looking like this? Maybe it was a silly thing to say, but I smile and sit next to him. He says he’s fine and I have to believe him, the last thing I was expecting here was laughter, but.. It sounded nice. I shrug, the coolness of the peas irritating my face but it will help with the swelling. “Nothing really to say.. I felt like I needed this, so I made it happen. Now here we are,” I look at him and smile from behind my bag of peas. I didn’t want him to see me like this, more than anything I wanted him to be soundly asleep when I got home.

12:26 Agent_Jeff_Rogers: I listen to his answer, which isn’t really an answer. But that's all the answer I’m going to get out of him. That will have to be enough. He sounds so much better, like he found his strength again. I look at his smile poking out from behind the bag of peas. I struggle to figure out what to say… then, I go ahead and broach the subject that’s been on my mind for a while, deciding that at times like these, some things just have to be accepted for the time being. “Well, let’s hope the bruises start to fade before you head back into the office next week. And, that brings up another point… “ I squirm and shift a bit uncomfortably, not sure how to put this. But… I’m sure of one thing. I don’t want Jack to go back to his apartment. I… want him to keep staying here with me. I … he needs… further support to help him adapt back to work in the office… well.. Fuck. If he can’t give me a reason why he needs to go and get the crap beaten out of him to feel better, then I don’t need to give a reason for my next request either. “...I’d really like you to consider staying with me for a while longer yet. That’s not an order from your superior… but.. That’s a request from someone I hope you consider a friend.”

12:26 Agent_Jack_Young: I nod as he mentions the bruising going down.. It occurred to me that I might not be in the best physical shape for returning to work, but I can still move and will fight through whatever comes my way on Monday. Then he mentions another point and I feel him tense up beside me, like he’s planning his next words carefully. He offers for me to keep living with him for a little bit, which surprises me enough on it’s own, but then his final words really throw me back. A friend? This whole time I had no idea what my relationship truly was with Jeff.. my love for him is entirely one-sided, and I understand that.. But I thought I was just an employee to him, somebody to take under his wing. I had just assumed I would be moving back to my apartment very soon, and had even started putting things together in my room, but this offer to stay with him, to keep seeing him every day.. I can’t deny how perfect that would be. I love my apartment and I love my own space.. But I love Jeff more, especially now things can live in the past. I want to move past Derek Steel, the Toronto incident, and I want to learn how to live with these new demons. But for now, everything feels like it will be okay. I will prove to Jeff how good of an agent I can be, I can work hard and we can live happily together. It sounds naive, but it also sounds entirely possible.. And at that, I jump. I smile at Jeff and nod. “Of course, sir.. Thank you so much, I’d.. I’d really like that”. Jeff never gave me a reason as to why he wants me here. Maybe he’s lonely, or something else.. But it doesn’t matter. He wants this, and here I shall stay. No more tears, no more sadness.. Just Jeff and I together.

Published: 2021-04-22, viewed 45 times.

Comments

ErikAtlas (deleted member)

2021-05-15 08:08

OMG scene stealing speech from Leroy Baxter! This is a beautiful work. The reveal of the dead, the antiseptic panel of the committee. Wow.... Bravo again!

Justafan28 (deleted member)

2021-04-22 16:35

GUYS THIS IS GREAT! Fucking loved this...the drama, the truth...the question at then end! I love Jack and Jeff!! I keep saying it but hell I will say it again, kudos for these great role plays!!

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